The Pros and Condoms

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
The Pros and Condoms
12
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 11:30pm
I'm 18, i'm in college, and my boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a half. You'd think we'd have sex, right? Well, for awhile i wanted to, and he didn't. Then one night he was drunk and his dorm room neighbor said "anyone need any condoms?" and he took a whole bunch. The next day when I was nursing him back to health he was laughing about his pocket full of condoms and said "well, I should probably give these back." And i was like "nooo, keep some." So he kept them. Then he started getting curious and wanted to put one on and do stuff and see if he could enter me. Well, it didn't work that well the first couple of times but it was kinda fun (we didn't consider it to be sex, although techinally it was). Like the third time, I really concentrated on relaxing and getting past the hurty part. Before I knew it, he was gently thrusting. (Sorry this story is getting so long and graphic...well, what am i apoligizing for, this is all about sex). He asked if I wanted to stop, and I asked if he did. We didn't. I actually had an orgasm pretty quickly and told him it was ok for him to keep going and he did for a bit but then pulled out and i used my hand to finish him off. Afterwards, he was like "so do you think that was sex?...yeah, it was." And we were both really happy and ok with it and he just said "well, we have to make sure we don't do it a lot...like on a regular basis." But that was the beginning of February... See, he is really concerned that I will get pregnant. Like the first time he asked me every hour if i had gotten my period, and he told me his friends did the same thing with their girlfriends the first time. But his friends have sex all the time now. And we haven't done it again. I feel like I am pressuring him into it, and that's not a good feeling. I'm not on birth control. I just think it's really odd that I trust condoms more than he does. I mean, you don't have to be real smart to follow the directions and use it correctly.

So i'm finally to my main point: am i right in trusting condoms so much? have any of you ever had one that broke? has anyone taken the morning after pill? with just a condom, would you still recommend pulling out?

Thanks so much for any advice or stories!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 12:34am

Hiya!


It's easy to worry about pregnancy, especially when it's something very new - like stepping into

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 8:35am
I loved condoms but some people hate them. I think its a personal thing. For me I like condoms because they offer protection against STD's and most of STDs occur in the young age group. Also the other biggest reason I liked them is it kept the guyz ejaculate from being all inside me and leaking out and being messy. I know its graphic and such but I have always hated that result of sex. I wish they made some w/out nonoxynol 9 though because sometimes that stuff makes me itchy. I used condoms while I was dating and nothing else and never got pregnant. Once I had to use the morning after pill because we didn't have any condoms. I've had condoms break if I was too dry for penetration but other than that I haven't had any break. That always occured prior to the guy climaxing. I think its better if they pull out prior to ejaculating or immediately afterward because it keeps the ejaculate away from your body and less chance of sperm slipping in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 10:26am
Thank you both so so so much! I think next time i go to the doc im gonna ask about the pill. You guys cleared a lot of stuff up! Hopefully i can show him. If anyone else still has a response as well, that's great!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:42pm
Being in a long-distance relationship, my boyfriend and I haven't exactly had tremendous amounts of sex. Maybe a total of thirty times. Ok, exactly thirty times -- how lame am I for counting? lol, but I digress. Up until I got on the pill a couple months ago, we always used condoms alone. No extra spermicide, and he never pulled out ahead of time. Never had a problem. That's not something I'd recommend if you're going to be sleeping together often, though. Your best bet is look into the pill, patch, or the like. If you're really concerned, you can continue to use condoms as well for extra peace of mind.

Be safe and have fun! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:57pm
I used condoms only for 10 years without any incidents! It was great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:20am
Hi there,

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to what mine was - when my boyfriend and I first started having sex, he was MUCH more worried than I was about me getting pregnant. Like you, we'd been together quite awhile before we did the deed. I was and had been on the Pill for over a year, yet he was still worried. Actually recently told me he was thinking the same thing your boyfriend said - that he was afraid we would do it "too often."

What I did was explain to him exactly how the female body works. Sure it was kind of ... awkward at first. But I sat him down and told him about ovulation, what happens when a woman gets a period, the types of hormones in the Pill, how the Pill prevents ovulation, back-up functions that the Pill has like preventing sperm and possible egg from meeting, how long sperm can live inside a woman in fertile conditions, etc., etc. It was mostly information that I had learned here on the board, and then researched myself. He was actually really interested!!! He asked questions like, "so when you get your period, it doesn't all come out at once? what does it feel like? how do you know when you have it?" A lot of guys really have NO IDEA how this all works, despite all the sex ed stuff in school - I think they zone out during most of it because when you're 13, it's embarrassing! He learned all about how effective the Pill is (99% or so when taken correctly), and even took to reminding me when we were together - which some people might think is annoying, but I liked that he took an active interest in it. Now like I said it might be awkward - but I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend you do this with your boyfriend. It will reassure him a lot, I think, and it will also prepare him for whatever comes later in life (my boyfriend has no problem buying me tampons now! hehe).

Anyhow, I use condoms as well as the Pill, mainly because I don't like the "ick" factor. I was also on prophylactic antibiotics which can make the Pill less effective, so for awhile I had to use condoms as back-up. Plus, not to be too personal, but condoms can make a guy last longer, so if that becomes a problem, condoms might be a good solution. But I digress. I've never had a condom break, but I always use lube (Astroglide) with them, to make sure that there's no excess friction. Condoms are very effective if they're used correctly - put on BEFORE there's any touching of the private parts and taken off immediately after sex so that there's no possibility of spillage.

One last tangential word of advice - if you're going to be having intercourse (which I know you may or may not be doing) - PEE AFTER SEX. This was something no one taught me, and I suffered through 6 urinary tract infections in 9 months before I went on the prophylactic antibiotics that I mentioned before. Intercourse can force bacteria into your urethra, and cause a nasty, painful infection, and going to the bathroom immediately after intercourse drastically reduces your chances of getting an infection.

Sorry to say so much - I'm really just putting off the all-nighter's worth of reading I have to do. But I hope this helps! Good luck to you!

Caitlin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 8:21am

I used only condoms for five years (also a long-distance relationship) with no problems at all, never had one break, never took the morning after pill (it wasn't available then, lol...).

Judie Cl for Birth Control 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:46pm
I used condoms for 10 years and never got pregnant unintentionally. Relax and enjoy. Just make sure to use them from the beginning of intercourse (and that they fit your partner).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 6:49am
Okay, from my own personal experiences with condoms and my fiance, they aren't a great option for us. I am on the pill, but I have had many condoms BREAK. I never thought it could really happen, just kind of something you heard about, but it did. And it has quite a few times. They are easy to use properly, but there's no 100 percent guarantee. You should go on the pill, and use condoms or use condoms and a spermicide for extra protection. Also, something I think that attributed to the condom breaking might have been lack of moisture. Use lube. lots of it. It's kind of weird at first, but I swear by it now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 11:52am
If he is that concerned - maybe you should think about going on the pill AND using back up... because sex is no fun if someone is really that worried.

I trusted condoms for a while - have had 2 incidents... one the condom broke (even though he hadn't finished yet, I still took the morning after pill the next day... you never know with the pre-cum and all)... another time with my current boyfriend I noticed the condom, ahem, disappeared?? It came off in me! So after that, I figured there are a lot of ways that one can run into error with condoms alone, so I went on the pill. Feel much more secure now. Hope this helps.

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