Vaginal dryness

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Vaginal dryness
13
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:43pm
I am very much in love with my husband, but I cannot get lube up before sex NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES. It is going to ruin our relationship. He thinks it is him, and I know it is the depo shot. I asked my doctor. Sex is very painful when I get dry. I get embarrassed about it too. One time I used ky and he found it by the bed. He instantly thought he wasn't turning me on. He was, but I just don't work. THe lube was awsome, but he isn't open to using it. Is there anything i can change in my diet or anyway to tell him what is going on? Is there anything written on this?

Thanks, Jaime

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 10:27pm
Hi Jamie,

A lot has been written on vaginal dryness. Lack of estrogen can be one of the main reasons and if you are on Depo then your estrogen will be very low. For information about Vaginal dryness see:

http://www.ivillagehealth.com/experts/womens/qas/0,,416525_151527,00.html and

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/WO/00034.html You can plug ‘vaginal dryness’ into Google and get a lot more hits.

Perhaps if he reads some of the articles with you he will realize that he is not the problem and that there are simple solutions for this common problem. Perhaps an estrogen cream might help. You might also want to discuss your problem with your doctor and see what s/he recommends. Your doc may also be able to reassure DH and explain that treating your problem in no way cast aspersions on his ability.

Good luck and hugs

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 10:38pm
Jill,

Thank you so much for that. You are a lifesaver! I couldn't find anything anywhere about that said depo in the context of it. thank you so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 10:59am
kind of know how you feel....I'm "dry" no matter what...I've used a few different lubes...dh isn't fond of them (I can tell by the look on his face) but he hasn't said anything.I'm using the KY warming liquid now and I really like it...the key is to talk to him....talking openly and honestly....let him know it's not his fault....good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 1:07pm
It seems strange that your husbands aren't complaining about the dryness, too. Dry sex isn't just uncomfortable for the woman, it can chafe men just as much, and be quite painful. I had a vaginal dry spell a few years back and my boyfriend was the first to note that sex was becoming more uncomfortable for him due to my mid-intercourse dryness. we started using KY and were both relieved and happy to be well-lubricated.

for the record, I don't think there's anything OK about having to "settle" for painful sex. You may need to explain to DH that you're not willing to endure the pain of dry sex just to make him feel manly. Maybe he'd get over it then. That's just my opinion, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:07pm
You are so right about the men not complaining. He never said one word. I think he was way too wrapped up in the act to notice that i was screaming in pain not pleasure. We talked about it last night after he got on here and read what I wrote to you guys. He said i never told him what was going on, but i did. We haven't used anything yet, but i have the ky warming. I liked it when i was sneaking and using it. (can you imagine the pressuer i was under to have to sneak it) How do you apply it during sex without it killing the mood? I just see myself pull out the big bottle of lube while we are making out. Sex is too complicated for me!

THanks,

Jaime
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:23pm
well, if you weren't drying out during sex when you used it before, making a quick trip to the bathroom beforehand to discreetly apply some to yourself might work well, especially since DH is a little uncomfortable about it.

If he does get more used to it, you could do what I used to do -- keep it by the bed and make it part of foreplay. when i needed to reapply mid intercourse, we'd usually briefly pause, pulling out a little but not completely and then add a little to him, which worked well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:34pm
Well when I was sneaking it, I did dry out mid way through. I will apply it before, but he is freaked out by the very sight of the bottle. You would think it was going to jump off the table and bite him. To tell you the truth, I'm a little uncomfortable at the thought of stopping to tell him that I need it. I am kinda embarrassed that I have this problem at 22. It seems like all i think about during sex is lube! It is killing the mood for me. i will try what you said to do, and i will try to supress my own embarrassment about it. Everyone on here has helped me to know that I'm not alone and I'm not dysfunctional. So it helps! THanks for the advice. If you have any other tricks up your sleve about it please share them

jaime
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:15pm
Maybe it'll make you feel less dysfunctional to know that my dryness problem happened when I was 20, a few months after I started the pill. My body started compensating for it about a year later, and eventually I stopped having dryness issues altogether. Now I don't need the lube anymore!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 10:01pm
I was reading about you problem & hope you don't mind if I put my 2 cents in here. I'm older (44...yes you still have sex at 44...LOL) Anyway I have had this problem off & on through the years & felt that to use some kind of lube was like taking away from my womanhood...anyway my girlfriend who is about 9 years younger than me always told me that I didn't know what I was missing by not using the stuff. So why don't you try introducing it as part of your sex life...in other words use it on him, I think he may like it...alot!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 8:19am
Well, I don't mind using the lube. I think it is fun. My husband thinks he can't turn me on and that is why I need it. Like it takes away from his manhood. I even found this stuff called KY Long Lasting. It keeps you moist for days so you are unconfortable. I love it. it is applied in the vagina and lasts three days. Since I have been talking about using lube he is open to it but he comes home from work at 8pm and goes right to bed. He is totally avoiding sex now. Oh well what are ya gona do

thanks

jaime

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