Tubal without husband's consent
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Tubal without husband's consent
| Sun, 05-30-2004 - 12:16pm |
Husband and I have one child and another on the way. Pregnancy hasn't been good to me. He insists on "at least one more". I insist "NO MORE!" I want a tubal ligation, where they separate and cauterize(sp?) the tubes for 100% effectiveness. Husband says absolutely NOT! I don't want to end my marriage over this, and counceling isn't in either one of our game plans. How can I get a tubal without him knowing it? Does he have to sign a consent? I heard that wives have to sign a consent for husband's vasectomy - is that true for tubals? Also, from what I understand, it's just an in and out proceedure in one day, with no overnight hospital stay. Can someone enlighten me? Anyone whose had this done? How long for your recovery? Thanks.

Another thing to think about which i pray will not be your case, but what if something went wrong with the tubal and you have to be hospitalized? You'll be faced with him finding out and do you know how he would react? Not to mention relatively easy procedures are relative to each women. My mother once has a different procedure (a procedure similar to a D&C but a little different) that was suppose to be easy enough to go to work the next day... Needless to say she didn't go back to work the rest of the week. That is anothing thing to think about.
I am not too familar with tubals, but i think it would be best to work this out with your husband and possibly find something that you both agree on. I am sorry if any of this offends you, that is not what i had intended.
Best Wishes
Dani
It may depend on the laws in your location and the policy of the doctor(s) you are consulting. I don’t know, but my guess would be that consent will be required unless there is a serious health problem involved. In addition to a TL there is also Essure http://www.essure.com/consumer/c_homepage.aspx It is new form of permanent contraception where the woman’s tubes are blocked. In either case there is some amount of time after the procedure for recovery, though Essure is far less invasive. Have you considered an IUD? It is about as effective as a TL, lasts for 5-10 years and is reversible. Would that be an acceptable alternative?
Before you decide to proceed with some form of permanent sterilization without you and DH reaching an agreement I would decide if it is worth the chance that it might destroy your marriage if he were to find out. Let us know what you decide, ok?
Hugs,
Jill
Just reiterating what the others have said...you don't want to end your marriage over this disagreement - but when he finds out later on down the road (and he will, you know, it always happens that way) the lying and lack of trust will surely be worse on your partnership.
But....none of us know all the ins and outs of your relationship, and certainly I could imagine some situations in which discretion would be both ethical and advisable.
I hope you can discuss this with your husband. If need be, include your ob. I was reluctant to have something permanent done but after awhile I realized it was the best thing to do. Maybe your husband will see this in time. Otherwise, I would agree with the others and opt for an IUD. If I remember correctly, it can be inserted right after the birth of your child. Take care and the best to you and your family on the birth of your baby!
~Josie
I do agree that you and your hubby should try to work this out, but the bottom line is this: He has no right to your body, only you do. Your marriage vows did not include that you had to give him the rights to your reproductive health decisions, and if he cannot respect that YOU are the one who carries the children to term and it is YOUR body that undergoes the risks of pregnancy and childbirth then he has a serious problem and it seems to me that he does not respect you the way that he should.
If you are looking for an efficient and long-term alternative to the tubal which will leave the door open to future pregnancies (or perhaps carry you through to menopause if you'd like to blame mother nature :) ), I'd suggest Norplant. These are 6 little pieces of plastic-y looking material that are inserted just under the skin of your arm. They are the most long-lasting and efficient method of birth control aside from the IUD, but they aren't associated with higher levels of complications and infections like the IUD. I'd suggest steering clear of an IUD if you already have reproductive health problems.
Good luck working this out- Try some counseling (can't hurt, might help) if you can't come to an agreement on your own, but do remember that you are the one who takes the risks and your health should mean more to your husband than your being a "baby factory."
Best wishes,
K
I agree. Wyeth withdrew Norplant from the U. S. market See: http://www.fda.gov/medwatch/SAFETY/2002/norplant.htm
Jill
Josie