Overcoming Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Overcoming Fear
28
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 12:35pm
My fiance & I have just given birth (7 weeks ago) to a beautiful baby girl. We had some difficulties during the pregnancy with varicose veins & blood clots. It was highly suggested by several doctors & nurses that we not have any more children because of her condition, plus given the fact that between us we have 4 children & are 36 & 35 respectively. We briefly discussed a tubal ligation but not enough to have made the decision when we had our child. I also believe she may have hoped to hear enough contradictory advice to try to have another. But now I think we have realized we should be thankful for the children we have been blessed with & move on. Now, after the fact, we are looking at aspects of birth control. She has high blood pressure so she is on medication for that & on the lower dose of the pill. This is not a long term soloution we want & are looking at what may be the best course of action to take next. She doesn't seem as inclined to go back & have a tubal ligation & I volounteered to have a vasectomy... So this is where I would like to have some advice & comfort I suppose... I want to the right thing by my family & her, I'm just nervous about this. Any help & advice will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Stephen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
In reply to: stricksw
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:47pm
First, I think it's awesome that you volunteered to have a vasectomy. As unappealing as the whole thing sounds, it's far less risky for a man to have a vasectomy than for a woman to have a tubal. One thing you might think about if you're really interested in long term might be Norplant, as it lasts 5-6 years and there's a good chance that your fiance might start menopause at about that time. However, I'm not sure how well it would work with her specific BP and circulation problems, so I'd definitely go talk to a family dr. and check out the Planned Parenthood website in the meantime to discuss some other options. My guess is that the vasectomy would be best for everyone involved- the healing time and procedure are rather minor in relation to a tubal or hysterectomy, and I've not personally known of anyone who has had one who has had an adverse reaction.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 3:30pm
most people who don't do well w/oral contraceptives do really badly with Norplant. I am not familiar if the newer norplant systems cause less scarring or less problems with removal than the original ones. My husband had a vasectomy but we only have two children. actually only one is his by blood. I regret that he had it but I think the situation is quite different from one who has 4 children. Also the age is different. My husband was only 30 when he got his (our children were 31/2 and 5). As far as fear about he procedure......tons and tons of guyz that I know (married couples) have gotten vasectomies around here. Its a lot cheaper and easier so that is the method of choice here and no one has had any problems and they are all glad they did it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 7:45pm
Norplant is no longer available in the USA. Check out Jills reply to "tubal without husbands consent". She gives the link that explains the withdrawl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 7:54pm
Hi Stephen, welcome!

Congratulations on your willingness to have a vasectomy! If you have completed your family and your wife has medical problems then a vasectomy is certainly a good choice and the responsible thing to do. Let us know what the two of you decide, ok?

Best wishes,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:41am
Thank you for the welcome! I post rather regularly on the other boards in this section but have not had questions for here until now. I appreciate all the advice I have received & believe that we have reached an unspoken choice at the moment. We will make that verbal in the next several weeks I suppose as we have june & july stacked full of lots of running around. I believe that this is the best course of action as any of the other choices might interfere with her health as would having another child. Part of the reason the discussion hasnt reached finality is that she really doesn't want to make it as she wants more children. But we both know & agree that it's not worth the risk to her health, and where would we all be without her? I will do the right thing, but I must let you know that I am afraid of having the operation. I know that will illicit responses to suck it up, and I will when the time comes. I am just not the fondest of going to doctors for any reason, and the more time I hjave to think the more my mind can entertain possibilities. Thanks you all again for your support & advice, I will keep you posted on how we are progressing.

Sincerely,

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:35pm
I can relate to your situation....I had a difficult pregnancy with pre-eclampsia before and after the birth resulting in a hospital stay of about a month.My baby was 2 months early (perfectly healthy and beautiful now-but it was scary when it happened)...I have chronic high blood pressure and type2 diabetes...the drs advised us not to have anymore children (the cardiologists) but my OB/GYN says there's a possibility to have a healthy pregnancy again with close,strict medical care.I used the mini pill (MICRONOR) for about 8 months---HATED IT!!! That was the only pill my OB/GYN would let me use due to the blood pressure issues.I had 2 periods each month for the first 3 months I was on it and had very heavy,clotty bleeding and awful cramping.My only other option was the IUD.I have had the Mirena IUD for about 9 months now and am absolutely glad I chose it.I love it...It's good for 5 years so in case we decide to try again there's that option of just taking it out....good luck....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:36pm
I'm glad you're getting over your fear and I hope your SO agrees that this would be best for both of you.

If you're still uncomfortable about the operation and nervous about being cut and cauterized (which is totally understandable), you might want to see if there are any doctors in your area who perform the Vasclip alternative:

http://www.vasclip.com/

Rather than cutting the tubes, they're clipped off with a small plastic device. It's as effective as vasectomy without the physical and emotional trauma of having the tubes actually cut. There are women around whose husbands have had the procedure done and speak highly of it. If you do a search of the boards for "vasclip" you should come across those posts.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 12:59pm
Hi Stephen,

Yeah, it's all too easy for someone who isn't going to be directly involved in the discomfort to say suck-it-up. On the other hand a vas. is a lot less invasive than a TL and members who have husbands who had the operation have posted that their DHs have done very well post-op.

If you do have the operation be sure to have several sperm count checks (after at least 20 ejaculations) and over a period of 3 or more months to make certain you are sterile. Your little swimmers can hang around for a long time after they are produced.

Good luck!

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 3:34pm
Stephen, just curious... did your wife have any blood tests done to determine if she had any sort of clotting disorders like prothrombin or Factor V Leiden? If you decided you wanted more children, this is usually a treatable condition with pregnancy. Even if you opted not to try to have more children, it's still beneficial to know if you have this condition, as it makes you more susceptable to blood clots, especially after already having them. It's a simple blood test! I discovered I have it after a blood clot last fall, and now on warfarin for life after also having a pulmonary embolism. Piece of mind is priceless!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:21pm
My husband recently had a vasectomy. He went in as an outpatient at 7am and we were home by 9. He had local anesthesia. They cut and then cut out a section of each vas defrens, cauterized and tied them. That day, he rested in the recliner. He used an ice pack for a while but found it too cold. He was given an RX for an antibioic, which he took, and one for Vicodin which he took none. He didnt even take a tylenol or advil. He said he was sore but not in pain. The next day he was doing usual stuff, but was not allowed to lift over 10lbs for a week. That night, he drove into town. He has not had any problems since. No swelling either. He had this done in February and we are awaiting the 2nd sperm test in June for the go-ahead to forgo condoms(our dr oks it when 2 consecutive sperm tests are negative. Just thought you would like to know someone's personal experience.

Josie

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