Overcoming Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Overcoming Fear
28
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 12:35pm
My fiance & I have just given birth (7 weeks ago) to a beautiful baby girl. We had some difficulties during the pregnancy with varicose veins & blood clots. It was highly suggested by several doctors & nurses that we not have any more children because of her condition, plus given the fact that between us we have 4 children & are 36 & 35 respectively. We briefly discussed a tubal ligation but not enough to have made the decision when we had our child. I also believe she may have hoped to hear enough contradictory advice to try to have another. But now I think we have realized we should be thankful for the children we have been blessed with & move on. Now, after the fact, we are looking at aspects of birth control. She has high blood pressure so she is on medication for that & on the lower dose of the pill. This is not a long term soloution we want & are looking at what may be the best course of action to take next. She doesn't seem as inclined to go back & have a tubal ligation & I volounteered to have a vasectomy... So this is where I would like to have some advice & comfort I suppose... I want to the right thing by my family & her, I'm just nervous about this. Any help & advice will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:32pm
My "hates doctors/hospitals with a passion" husband offered to have a vasectomy when we decided that we definitely do not want children. (He has good reason to hate doctors/hospitals, he's been through chemotherapy twice.)

The procedure was done a year ago in March (we've been hormone free & loving it for nearly a year now). He is one of the very small percentage with lasting pain after the procedure, but he still agrees it was worth the outcome. I also asked him the other day & he realized it hasn't hurt recently, so hopefully things are looking up!!!

The procedure truly was quick, we were at the doctor's for less than a 1/2 hour, consultation & procedure.

I don't think any sane person can blame a guy for not wanting a doctor to prod & cut them *there*, but it is commendable when a man is willing to do so for the good of him & his partner & their relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:40am
Kellie,

Yes, she had clotting issues too, had them but not as bad with her 2 previous pregnancies. This last one her vein behind her knee was about half to 3/4 the size of a dime & filled with clot. The Vascular surgeon was VERY VERY VERY impersonal & arrogant & didn't know why we were sent to him as he assured us it would not move. Well... a few days later a piece broke off & was only discovered because she was at her weekly visit & it was in her chart to be followed up on. Turns out that it was sticking about a half inch into the Femoral artery, she had emergency surgery that evening. They safely removed the clot & ligated the vein as it was so clotted the vein was useless. The surgery was done by this clown's partner who thankfully was his opposite, very caring & understanding. It was priceless when we saw the "clown" at the hospital & Mary told him "surprise". So... this has been an extremely weighin factor. The doctors & nurses were all with a few exceptions very good at Piedmont. One particular mid wife who was checking up on us told her in a very nice motherly way, that we were very lucky/blessed in what we have & to not push that luck, too take what we have be thankful & not have anoter child & take a more certain risk that something would happen. My feelings for Mary go very deep, she is my high school sweetheart, we were lost to each other for 17 years, I could not bear the thought that something untoward would happen to her like this, especially if I can do something to help. That's why I think it's in my realm of responsibility to do this.

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:49am
Thank you for your sharing your experience & all the wonderful people here who have shared their thoughts & feelings. I talked to a few doctors yesterday & the concurred with your experience that it would be handled relatively quick & not that painful. Mary & I talked more about it last night & about how I felt. She shared how she thought she might feel if the roles were reversed, tried to underdstand why I felt afraid & even reitterated that I didn't have to do it. I explained to her that I was going to. When I commit to doing something, I have this stubborn nature that sees me through it(Im a Leo can you tell?). But when I have too much time to think about things, my mind comes up witht all kinds of negative imagery & thoughts. I explained to her that it wasnt a simple explanation, I just can feel this pain/fear in my heart. It's not so much getting cut as it is the procedure, or rather jsut doing it. I got cut a lot when I was young & had to have stitches, I still remember the fearful feelings of those situations & the situation of when my grandfather died, all the negative associations with his dealings with the hospital. It bothers me & makes me nervous but I know what my duty to my family & my SO is and no matter how afraid I am, I will do what is necessary. As if this all werent complicated enough, my company is on the verge of collapsing so we arent sure we will have a job from day to day much less insurance. Oh well, life goes on right. I have a few more doctors to call today & will keep anyone who is interested up to date.

Love to all of you & May God bless & keep you & your families.

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: stricksw
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 4:34pm
My father is a urologist and has performed many of these - they are relatively painless from what I've heard - he had to perform one on a friend of ours and he was at a gathering with us that same day (later in the day). He just had to take some painkillers for a couple days.

But if you are worried, go to your doctor and get a referral...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 1:19pm
OK guys, I did my homework, and now have my appointment for this friday at 3:30. MY SO & I have had quite a few discussions about it over the weekend & I am still nervous as H@@l! I will let you know how it went & what my experience was if anyone is interested. Thanks for your support & sorry I am so nervous about this.

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: stricksw
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 2:45pm
Good luck! And no worries about being nervous. It's completely normal when any of us (male or female) undergo procedures (especially on a delicate part of the body). I know you will be fine. Good luck again! Let us know how it all goes.

Climbinggirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 3:58pm
Just think, this time next week it will all be over! Let us know how it goes! Ill be thinking about you on Friday!

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 5:44pm
Good for you Stephen!

It's only human to be nervous about any operation but I'm sure you will do fine. We definitely would like you to tell us how the procedure went and how you’re doing.

Hugs,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 10:23pm
Well it is done... I thin k the waiting for it was worse than the actual procedure! The doctor was very nice, and summed it up very well. He likened it to a visit to the dentist, and thats exactly what I would say the experience was like for me. We reviewed the literature they had me read & he made sure that this was what I wanted to do. Then he deadedned the area with lidocane, made a smal inscision, cut & sutured both Vas's & the gave me 3 externa stitches. It took about an hour. My only complaint was that he didnt wait quite long enough after the lidocaine before he made his incision & that stung a little, other than that, there wasn't much pain, it just felt a little crampy here & there. The aftermath is not like I was frightened to believe either, my testicles did not swell up to softballs, they are just a little sore thats all. So... if you or your SO are contemplating this, I would say it's really not that bad procedurely, just pretty permanent thats all. Thanks again for all of your support & anyone can feel free to ask any questions they like.

Stephen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: stricksw
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 11:41pm
Hi Stephen,

Congratulations, and thanks for the update! I'm glad it went well for you. What did your doctor say about post operative intercourse and when will you have your sperm tests? Let us know how you're doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill