I'm losing my mind!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
I'm losing my mind!
13
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 1:07pm
I am becoming so frustrated with myself. About 2 months ago (May) my Fiance and I decided to have sex w/o a condom...I am on birth control pills (OTC) and he pulled out before he came. Well a few days after we had sex, I started to get constipated and randomly came across an article on iVillage which said that constipation is a sign of pregnancy while on the pill. Needless to say, this freaked me out and my period wasn't even due for another week. So I spent the week a nervous wreak! Well my period did come like normal but for some reason I still couldn't get the thought of being pregnant out of my head. So I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I even went to the Gyno and got checked out and he said that I definately wasn't pregnant and the crampiness and other symptoms I was feeling was probably my body changing and acting differently to my pills (Although I think it's all in my head).

While this soothed my mind I still felt tense about the whole thing. So I just finished my period for this month (June) and really want to have sex again but I am so scared that my pills are going to fail or something (yes, I could use condoms too but I never had such a good sexual experience as the one time we didn't use a condom). I take my pills at the same time everyday (I even set an alarm clock so I don't forget) but how do you know that they are working? I posted something on this board about 5 months ago and I think that is where my anxiety was born. (Sorry if this is TMI) They said that while on the pill you shouldn't ovulate. Well how do you know if you are ovulating or not? I still get a discharge...does this mean I am ovulating and my pills aren't working? My Gyno said that you actually discharge more when you are on the pill. But how can you tell if your discharge is ovulation discharge or just normal discharge???

So I have had myself all tense the past month that it has thrown my whole system off (i.e. cramps, constipation, diareeha, my stomach make noises when I eat anything) and I still don't feel 100% like myself (granted I feel better now then I did 2 months ago) but I can't convince myself that my pills work. And I am getting frustrated with myself for being silly. My Gyno told me that your body can change and react differently to the pills even if you have been on them for a while. But why aren't any of these thoughts soothing my mind? All I can think about is the stories of women getting pregnant while on the pill and women who got their periods and didn't know that they were pregnant. I have friends who had pregnancy scares because they used no protection and yet as soon as they get their period they feel so much better. Why can't I feel better?

Any advice would be appriciated!

~Katie




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 2:41pm
Firstly! Stop worrying yourself!

You are being safe and taking all the proper precautions. And I, like you, like to be super safe. Not only do I use BC, I insist on a condom, and on top of that, my BF likes to pull out!! But recently we had a condom slip off and didn't realize til after it was all said and done, and as fate would have it, it was the ONE time i asked him NOT to pull out!!

i freaked, called the gyno, wanted EC- but was talked down realizing that the POINT of BC is to prevent this- and most people only use BC and don't get pregnant.

Having had late periods, and one unplanned pregnancy before, I understand how consuming this stress is- and I would contend that perhaps this consuming stress is causing more of your physical sympoms than anything else.

But perhaps to settle your nerves, have you discussed this concern with your gyno? is a change of BC in order?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 2:46pm
my Gyno actually suggested in switching from OTC to Yasmin but after doing some reseach on the 2 different kinds I decided to stay on OTC until I have my yearly visit this month to discuss what would be best for me. I also think that the majority of everything is in my mind but have moments when I think...well...what would happen if I did get pregnant?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 3:06pm
Hi,

I feel the exact some way as you do. I had sex on may 22 and 27th with a condom and he pulled out, then on may 22nd he went in me a little bite and he didnt have a condom on, he was in me for a few seconds not long. i was not on birth control yet. I got my period on june 7th and it was normal, Normal cramping and even Clots Sorry if TMI. I was still worried that i might be preganant so i took a pregnancy test on the night of june 14th and it came out negative. That somewhat made me feel better. i started birth control 2 weeks ago and now im on my third week my breast are tender which is a side effect of the pill and i have been getting headaches. i have been told that this are side effects of the pill and that im not pregnant becasue i got my normal period. Im starting to realize that i dont have to worry. since i had that little scare i have decided not to have sex with my b/f right now, not until i feel comfortable again. I just wanted to tell you that your not the only who has feelings like this. it has happened to me. Dont worry im sure your fine. I hope everything works out for you. if you want to talk feel free im here if you need someone.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 3:22pm
Thanks! I am glad that I am not the only lunatic out there :) The funny thing is that I really want to have sex with my Fiance but am still a bit apprehensive.

I have been on the pill for almost 5 years! And yet this is the first time I have really had any side effects of the pill (my Fiance thinks the side effects are all in my head). So I guess that my body is changing as I get older. It's funny because the pill is supposed to free women from the worry of getting pregnant and yet I am the complete opposite. All I can think about are the stories you hear about women who get pregnant who weren't expecting it and it makes me think...how? With all the BC methods there are today how does that happen? That's what freaks me out the most: the idea that I am so careful in what I do and yet having something happen even when you are careful. Am I making any sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 4:16pm
Hi Katie, welcome back!

Oh, sweetie, people can drown in bathtubs but that very, very rarely happens! If you are taking your pills correctly then you are very safe. Taken correctly oral contraceptives are 98-99% effective so you really don’t have anything to be concerned about. Most of the women you read or hear about getting pg on the pill were ‘typical use’ cases where they forgot their pill(s) or threw it up or were taking meds that interfered with the effectiveness of their pills.

If you are unable to get the thought of accidental pregnancy out of your mind then something you might want to consider is using a barrier method in addition to your pills, just for peace of mind. A contraceptive sponge (really a spermicide delivery device rather than a true barrier) a diaphragm or cervical cap might be just the thing to relieve your mind and allow you to enjoy the intimacy of latex free intercourse. If you are interested in knowing more about diaphragms or caps take a look at the info. about them in the FAQs on the Board webpage at http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-judie_rae/id1.html Let us know what you decide, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 4:34pm
Your making total sense to me! I understand even though i just started on the pill. I know that is sometimes hard to comprehend that even when people SAY they were careful and they still get pregnant. I really dont understand that myself, but i think that if you are as careful as you are saying then dont worry. Stress can cause so many problems, trust me im only 19 and I already have IBS a stomach problem from all my worrying. I constantly worry about everything. Like what i told you before how i still worried that i was pregnant even after i got my normal period and i got a negative on a pregnancy test...I still worry. all i can keep thinking about is how i have so much to do with my life... I will begin my 2nd year at WKU in the fall and i am working towards becoming a nurse/midwife! Thats a lot of school and all i keep thinking about is what if i screw that up. How will i ever be able to forgive myself, what will my parents say, and my freinds. Im now starting to drop all those negative thoughts and im telling myself that im not pregnant that is either all in my head or side effects of the pill. Since i just began to take them.

The mind can defintly play tricks on you and i understand that its not fun, but just think of it has a game that you want to win... Dont let your mind take over the game.

If that makes any sense. That is what i have had to do with myself and im starting to feel much better. Trust me everything will work out and you will be fine.

Also one more thing that has really started to help is i have been bringing my problems to god. im not sure if your religious but if you are you might want to try to talk to him.

I hope this helps Write me back!

Missy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 8:13pm
If you want to prove to yourself that you are not ovulating, you can start tracking your basal body temperature. To do this, you take your temperature first thing in the morning when you wake up each day and keep a record of it. After ovulation, your temperature is approximately a half of a degree higher, caused by the hormone progesterone that is secreted by the ruptured egg follicle. If you were to ovulate while on the pill, you would notice a temperature increase that would be sustained until your period came. For more information, I suggest you read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This book helped me to learn the fertility awareness method of birth control that I practiced for over 4 years. My husband recently got a vasectomy so I don't have to practice it any more - yay! I do still take my temperature every day just to be aware of my cycle and what is going on with my body. This way if I'd know if I didn't ovulate one month and wouldn't worry when my period was late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 8:58pm
I totally agree with missmuffi!

Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a wonderful book. Chart your temperature for a few cycles to reassure yourself that you aren't ovulating.

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 8:59pm
I understand how all-consuming anxiety can become, when you fixate on something and no matter what you can't get it off your mind.

I can think of a few things that might help you deal with it.

First, a pill change may be in order, sometimes a pill can increase anxiety problems. if your body is showing other signs of change related to your hormones, the anxiety may be part of that.

don't just dismiss this, or let anyone else dismiss this, as being "all in your head." everything we experience is experienced in our minds as much as the rest of our bodies, and your anxiety is causing very real physical symptoms. and just because you're worrying about "nothing" doesn't mean it's somehow not a valid problem. you made it sound like your SO isn't being 100% supportive and reassuring, but maybe you didn't mean it to come across that way. if he isn't being sensitive or supportive enough, tell him. that's the only way he'll know.

And, you mentioned that you "didn't know" what you'd do if you got pregnant. I think that might be part of the problem. Panicking about "what if" gets worse if you haven't made any plans for the worst case scenario. Why not write down some of your options, should you get pregnant, and then think about each of them. Write down your feelings about each of those options. Then talk about them with your SO. Planning for the worst makes it a lot less scary. It doesn't mean that, heaven forbid you should get pregnant, it'll be easy, but writing everything down, talking about it with your partner, helps get it off your mind.

And, I agree strongly with Jill that an alternative barrier method might be right up your alley in terms of BC backup. Pills alone don't seem to be "physical" enough for you, they have very little proof that they're working if you're not used to your body's signals throughout the cycle. A diaphragm, cap, sponge, or maybe even just some spermicidal film might reassure you and give you back some much-needed confidence.

Lastly, you *never* need to have sex if you're uncomfortable with the potential consequences. I realize it's hard not to give in when faced with a man you love and are attracted to, but if the possibility of being pregnant is too much for you right now, take a break from sex. Please each other in other ways. Oral sex is a great thing, and I'm sure he wouldn't complain. You can't get pregnant, and taking a break from IC will give you time to reduce your anxiety.

I really hope this all gets better for you. Oh yeah, and, a lot of health insurance providers cover therapy sessions, usually 50/year, with a reasonable copay. If you find that you can't control this worry, you might want to consider talking to a professional therapist. They can help you sort all this out and get to the bottom of your problems, then help you solve them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 11:47pm
I am right there with you ladies. I am on the pill, yet I make my SO use a condom too. I am just not comfortable relying solely on the pill. The few times that we have had sex without a condom, I was so distracted by the absense of the condom that I hardly had a chance to enjoy the sex. I think that, at least in my case (this may be true for other people as well) I like condoms because I can see them. They're concrete and I know they work because I can see that they're working. The pill is not as easy to see working. You just have to trust that it is. I will probably continue to insist that my SO uses condoms until I am comfortable relying on the pill alone. Having peace of mind makes sex more enjoyable and I feel more comfortable knowing that I am completely protected.

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