Asking Mom about the Pill?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Asking Mom about the Pill?
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Sat, 07-24-2004 - 1:06am
Hey everyone! I’m 20, and I still live at home with my parents while I am in college. I attend school during the regular year about 2 1/2 hours away, but I come home a lot. That’s not the point, but I do have a question.

I wanted to get on the Pill for two reasons: 1. in case anything should ever happen, that way I protected from pregnancy, and 2. my periods are somewhat regular for a few months, and then become sporadical to where I can’t tell when they should start, but after a couple of months, get regular again, then crazy, etc. I also had an ovarian cyst about a year and a half ago, and then another one a few months ago, and I recently read that they help prevent those from happening.

The problem is, I am scared that my mother will think that I am trying to get them in order to have sex. I had planned on going to a Planned Parenthood Clinic locally, but now I am scared if she were to ever find the pills, that she would be more worried/upset/angry with me than if I had talked to her about it before, but I’m not sure if that would really be the case.

My question is, should I talk to her about it myself and explain to her my reasons, or should I just do it alone, for my protection, while running the risk of getting “caught”?

Thanks for your help!

-L




Edited 7/24/2004 1:08 am ET ET by babe0206

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 9:35am

My doctors have been trying to put me on the pill for a long time now for medical reasons.


CL for Acne

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:13pm
Hi!

You and I are in similar boats. I'm heading into my sophomore year of college, which is about an hour and a half away from my house. In April of my freshmen year (which was just a few months ago...) I went on birth control because my boyfriend and I became sexually active and I wasn't going to risk anything with just condoms. In any case...

I went a few months without telling my mom - mainly because I knew she would freak out (mainly for religious reasons)- even though I thought about telling her many times, just in case she needed to know in case of a medical emergency or whatnot. I finally ended up telling her when I had, in combination, a UTI plus bad side effects from my birth control and I was really worried. So I told her, and things were definitely rough for a while (IE she didn't talk to me for days), but eventually we got back to normal because she realized that it was better for me to have told her than not.

My advice is to tell your mom, but make sure she understands your main reasons for doing it - it's not because you are going to have sex with random guys or whatnot - but for the medical reasons. Be sure to point out that you could have NOT told her and just done it on your own - I think this is one of the factors that really hit my mom. I'd also suggest going to an actual gynocologist; while Planned Parenthood does have doctors, I'm not quite sure how reputable they are. Plus, it's always better to have a regular doctor who knows you and your case history, etc. If your Mom trusts you and you trust her, this should strengthen your relationship instead of hurting it.


Good luck, let me know how it goes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 5:10pm
Hey there! I'm also 20 and in college. When i was 17 years old i had to go to the emergency room for EBV (epstien bar virus aka mono) and i happened to get the cold sores in my mouth and on my genitals... Not knowing what it was, feared the worse that it was herpes (eek!) The doctor at the emergency room diagnosed me with herpes (which ended up being wrong because i was tested and it came back negative and later proved as mono) but while i was in the emergency room i asked for the pill because obviously i needed it. So i told her that i somewhat have irregular periods, and bad cramps and that is what she should tell my mom as to why she is prescribing it for me. So that is what she did. She sat my mom down and said your daughter has irregular periods and i feel it is best to put her on the pill. Enough said. So if you took your mom to the doctor with you or just tell her afterwords that the pill can help make your periods regular, less crampy and can help prevent more cysts, then i'm sure she will be okay with it. My mom also has a history of cysts and she is told to take it, so i used that also as an excuse that i'm preventing it way in the future. Also it can clear up acne, so if you have that, use that excuse too!

Goodluck to you, but i feel it is best to tell your mom. I am sooo glad i can talk to her about taking it. (although i know more about the pill than she does... and she still doesn't know i take it because i am sexual active, well i think she has a clue but we've never talked about it) but i can take it without her freaking out. So i think it is best to tell her.

Let us know how it goes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 1:07am
I guess a big part of what I'm scared/worried about is that I am scared that my mother will think I am taking it for sexual reasons. I have been involved with a guy for almost 6 months now, and so I'm not wanting her to think that I want the Pill in order to have sex with him. The timing of when I am finally getting up the courage to ask her isn't very good, but I've wanted to ask for a while now, even though that sounds like a line or something. Oh well.

I almost got up the guts for it today, but I felt sort of bad from a yeast infection I am getting over right now. Tomorrow she and I are going out, so I just hope I can get up the nerve to talk to her about something that I think is pretty serious.

Thanks for all of your advice and help!

-L

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 7:55pm
I started birth control when I was still in high school because of my problems with periods. I would go months without them and they were never regular. I was not sexually active and my mom actually drug me into the ob/gyn to get me fixed (at 17, the ob/gyn was not a place I wanted to go!) To make a long story short, I had severe hormone imbalances and my body couldn't even handle the pill. I'm on the shot now, which I love. I think my mom was afraid at first that being in birth control would give me an 'excuse' to have sex. It didn't - I remained a virgin long after high school.

Your mom may be upset at first. Explain to her the medical benefits of being on the pill to control your periods. She's a woman, she probably understands what it is like to have crazy periods! You know, she might also be glad that you are being responsible too. I mean, if you are thinking about becoming sexually active, even if it's not for awhile, it's a good idea to protect yourself as best as you can.

Take her with you to the doctor. She doesn't have to come in during the actual exam. Talk to the doctor about everything when you are alone with him/her - including your concern of telling your mom - and you and your doc can discuss it with her together. The doctor will be able to explain all of the medical benefits and probably address a lot of her concern.

Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 12:51pm
Go by yourself. You are an adult, and your sex life is none of your mother's business. Unless she is completely naive, she knows you are sexually active, and should be GLAD that you are using contraception. If you are careful, she won't find the pills. But if she does, who cares? It's not like you're doing something bad or abnormal. Don't worry about it.

On a side note -- I would advise you to look a little closer at BCP. Search iVillage, and you'll notice many, many complaints about them, and the effects of all those hormones on your body. Personally, I had an awful experience w/ OTC which caused me to gain almost 15 pounds, in addition to an emotional roller coaster and zero sex drive. Everyone is different, and there are some success stories from women who use and love their BC. I just wanted to warn you, and make you aware of some of the potential side effects. Good luck!

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 1:21pm
I have ovarian cysts and went on BC pills several years ago to control them. It was the best thing I have ever done. The cysts went away and have not come back. My periods are regular and light. I don't have cramps or the awful pain of ovulation when the egg tried to release too close to a cyst.

My advice is to see your gynocologist - even if you aren't sexually active, at age 20 you should be having a yearly check up anyway. Take to your doctor about the cysts and BC pills. The medication you take is between you and your doctor. Your mom doesn't have to be involved at all.

Avatar for rthrbswmng
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 2:21pm
I thought I would chime in. I myself, went to PP last summer to get on the pill and now I just get it through my college health center. I still haven't told my parents, because I know that they would flip. Protection wasn't my main concern when I started them, but now it is very helpful. If you hide ur pills well (I keep mine in my purse thats always with me), they won't find out . In case of an emergency, I have told my best friend about my pills and they will speak up if need be.

But above all, you have to do what is right for you. I don't have a close relationship with my mom, and don't desire one. Let us know how it goes..

Melissa

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:39pm
wen i went off to college, sigh 3 yrs ago already, i went on birth control. my mom was like "oh so suddenly u go off to college.. a school w/ 70% guys and u need birth control?" i brushed her off. we are close and i know she was half kidding, but also trying to get a feel for my response. i was like wutever, i had constant horribly heavy and irregular periods. it took me 4 tries to get to the patch which has regulated pretty well thus far and my periods are manageable, but o/c still pretty bad which i figure will always be the case ): i didn't become sexually active for 3 years after that and now i'm really glad i've had these hormones in my body for awhile. my mom even confessed to my hairdresser she was scared ab me having sex! haha (we have the same hairdresser and we obviously tell her everything, and she confessed my mom's concern to me). either way it's great to be on to have in case something does happen, and that's how i looked at it too. so it depends on ure relationship w/ my mom. i had no problem telling her, no matter wut she thought.

<3cari

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:25pm
Unfortunately, my mother is crazy over-protective of me. I sometimes wonder if she realizes that I'm an adult and that I'm no longer her little baby. I will always be her first baby, but I'm not 13, nor should I be treated as such.

When I mentioned all of this to her the other day, she warned me of the possible side effects of taking BC. Just as I've read on iVillage and other places, some people have really bad side effects, whereas others love that they have such control over their periods, as well as for the protection from pregnancy.

I just felt as though she would flip out if I even brought it up, that she would instantly think "my daughter has lowered herself to having sex with her boyfriend!" just because that is the way that her brain works. I just feel sometimes as though I am this little girl trapped in the body of a 20-year-old woman who should make my own decisions, and I do. Last week I had already called PP and made an appt that was supposed to be today, my boyfriend was going to go with me in case I was scared, but then she told me to "go see our Dr" not knowing that I had already made an appt at PP, which I cancelled. I just felt as though it was better for us to talk about it that way she wouldn't assume what would be in her idea, "the worst."

My boyfriend also mentions to me all the time about my mother, how she doesn't seem to realize that I AM AN ADULT. She isn't completely naive, but sometimes I think she lives in a fantasy world. I, too, think that if I am responsible enough to want to get contraception, that it should make her proud to know that I'm being smart about things, but, I don't think that is how it would turn out.

Thanks for all of your advice! I'm a little scared about going to the Gyn for the first time, but I keep telling myself that 1. I should have gone 2 years ago, so I'm a baby for not having already gone, and 2. this is for me--this is what I need to do not only for my health but also for my own personal protection. Thanks again to all of you for your awesome help!

-L

If you want to read about another of my mother's crazy antics, go here:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rllongdistan/messages?msg=14967.1

It goes to show that she just wants to know everything about my personal life, even though I don't feel that she should sincce I'm an adult now.

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