Questions, concerns

Avatar for angel27girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Questions, concerns
7
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:30pm
Hi all. This board has been so helpful to me in the past few weeks! Thanks for that!

I started taking bcp 6 weeks ago. During the 3rd week of my first pack, I had breakthrough bleeding for the entire week before my period, then had a normal period for me. (What a pain bleeding for 14 days!) I'm just now starting the 3rd week of my 2nd pack, and am wondering should I expect breakthrough bleeding again this month? My doctor told me it would probably happen the first month, but most posts I see here say it could happen for 2 or even three months.

Also, I was wondering if anyone could help me out with a "concern" I have regarding my boyfriend. I decided to start taking the birth control as a back up to the condoms we already use. We're in a monogomous relationship, so we use the condoms strictly as birth control. I told him about the birth control, and after a discussion about it, decided to have sex without a condom. A few times following, we went back to using a condom. He was in town this weekend (it's a long distance realtionship) and we had sex without a condom most of the weekend. Sunday I asked him to wear one, and he seemed taken aback. He asked me why. He figured that since we had sex a few times without a condom that we wouldn't need one ever again, I guess. In the end, things worked out, but I want to talk to him about it. I never intended the sex to happen without a condom. That wasn't my idea when I started taking the bc. Has anyone else gone through something similar? Where it almost seemed expected that you wouldn't have sex with a condom because of the bc? I guess when it comes down to it, I'm still nervous trusting the pill. I take it at the same time every day- within 5 minutes- but still feel nervous. I'm starting my fifth and final year of college and can't afford to get pregnant. Am I just being overly cautious?

Thanks to anyone who made it through this whole post and who can help me out!

~Becky~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:25pm
I think it's most important that YOU be comfortable with the pill before you abandon condoms entirely. While he may not get it, the responsibility for a pregnancy would be in both your hands, and my personal opinion (even though my DF is like nearly every other guy on the planet in this regard and won't wear one unless I force him) is that a condom is a guy's _only_ means of protecting himself against being a dad before he's ready. This has nothing to do with your intentions, don't get me wrong, but pills get forgotten sometimes, it just happens, and not everybody remembers backup at the right moment. You could put it to him as a game of statistics if you think that will help your argument and not freak you out entirely, but I would hope that he'd be satisfied with "I'm just not ready to rely solely on the pill yet. Maybe later." Is a few minutes of increased sensitivity for him worth watching you freak out for a week or two each month? I hope not!

To your original question, early bleeding is MOST likely in the first month, but can still happen in months 2 and 3, but the odds are less likely each consecutive month. So far so good, right?

Good luck! Do your best to do what's right for you, okay?

Judie
Co-cl for Birth Control
Judie Cl for Birth Control 
Avatar for angel27girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 4:39pm
Judie,

Thanks for your post. It just made me realize that I'm not just being overly cautious, that it's ok for me to be concerned. I'm lucky- I get to see my boyfriend this weekend too! That's two weeks in a row and that rarely happens. So, I plan to talk about it with him when he gets here this weekend.

As for the early bleeding, so far so good this month. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it stays that way!

Thanks again,

Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:00am
Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I'm exactly in the same position you are in right now. I have been on the pill for about 4 months now. I too went on bc as a back up to condom use but then decided to have sex without the condom. We haven't used a condom for the whole month. The truth is that i'm now anxiously awaiting my period and wondering whether or not it will come. It's always on the back of my mind. I too am going into my final year of college and cannot afford to get pregnant. I think that I'm going to go back to using condoms for now. Just to give me peace of mind. I don't feel comfortable just relying on the pill although i'm very disciplined when it comes to taking it on time every day. I still have to talk to my bf though. Like your bf he probably figures we won't use condoms ever again. It's all just for my peace of mind really. I guess he'd rather not hear me freaking out at the end of every month waiting for my period to come. I'd rather not freak out too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 4:27am
Hi there - I also had a similar experience with one of my ex-bf. (to say the least, he turned out to be a real jerk, that's why he's my ex :) He thought that after I went on the pill he didn't have to use a condom for back up. It made me mad, cause I was young at the time, 16 or 17, I can't remember, but I knew there was NO WAY I could get pg, with school and work and all. We did have IC a few times without a condom, but if you really don't want to get pg, I would tell your bf that you INSIST that he uses one, no glove, no love right!? It's your body, and in the end your decision. That was one of the reasons why I broke it off with my ex. If I were you, I would use a condom as back up, regardless that you take the pill on time, just to be sure! Good Luck! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 2:37pm
i totally agree with you! i am in the exact same boat. im actually going into my second year of college, but i still do not fully trust the pill, but sometimes my boyfriend and i get caught up in the moment...and you know how it is. i hate that feeling of waiting for you period, it stresses me out so badly. but im on my 6th month of taking the pill, and im assuming it's working because we have had unprotected sex quite a few times and no baby yet. my boyfriend is usually understanding with my finiky moods on the withdrawal vs. non-witdrawal, but sometimes i get a look. i do not think men fully understand the concern that goes through women's minds about children. it is a very SCARY thought...especially if you are fully not prepared to take responsibility for another life. I am a lot more comfortable now and the way i did that was by researching every possible option if we did somehow get pregnant (trust me it helps just know that there are options) and by talking to my boyfriend seriously about what would happen if we did get pregnant. But just think that the pill does have a 98% effective rate, so it should. O yea, and it also helps to learn about using natural birth control methods (aka using ur body temp to find when u r most fertile) and going off that and not letting him go inside of you when u r most fertile. Ok well that's all, hope it helped :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 4:03pm
Just a note from another perspective. if you want to use condoms as backup for your pills, you should probably use them consistently until you're comfortable and trust the pills. otherwise I don't really think it's fair for your boyfriend to sometimes use them and sometimes not. if you don't trust the pill will protect you every time, wear a condom every time.

with that said, i've been on the pill for about 5 and a half years, and in that time i'd say I've had sex roughly 500 times. during this time i've used a condom, hm, twice. i've never had any kind of pregnancy scare. the pill is intended to be the sole form of birth control, no need for a condom. still, it makes perfect sense to want backup. all i'm saying is that you should trust your pills more than your condoms if you're taking them correctly. They're more effective!
Avatar for angel27girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 1:55pm
Thanks for all of your posts and advice. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one out there who is concerned. As I said before, I plan to talk to my boyfriend this weekend when he's in town about this. I'm hoping that a serious conversation will benefit us both and we can come to an understanding.

Thanks again!