Want to be Grandparents

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
Want to be Grandparents
6
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:17am
How would you handle?

Your In Laws to be - Talk about the Promise of Grandchildren..All the Time

and Yet

They do not know that their Son - had a Vasectomy?

How do you tell them?

It is going to be a Heartbreak

What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:05pm
You don't tell them, it's your fiance's parents and if anyone is going to tell them anything, it should be him. I'd think you and he should talk about how exactly to handle this together though, since there will be times they say things to you when he's not around. It's not going to suddenly end their desire to be grandparents even if they do know he's had a vasectomy. Then they could start nagging him about a reversal, or adopting a baby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:08pm
It is none of their business!!!! Many people don't view it that way though...

Unless YOU (you & your partner) decide to give them more detials, a simple "we're not having children" is a more than sufficient answer to their probing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:53pm
I know that it is not my Position to mention this - and trust me,

I dont want to be the one to open this up to his parents.

It was his choice and he made it on his own. (Prior to Us)

We are both sitting on the edge of 40 - and we are both happy

and have no problems/issues with what he has chose to do - for his

own reasons. I find it awesome that I dont have to worry - myself. (about BC)

He has been married once before and did not want children then -

and his parents were aware of him - not wanting to have children.

He went thru a very brutal divorce years ago - so we seem to believe that "THEY FEEL" he made the choice of not having children because of the marriage/relationship was not healthy.

But They do not know He took permanent measures to not father a child.

So they still have "Hope" and he is the only child = to offer a grandchild to them.

His Parents a beautiful, loving, People and we both know that they are going to

be crushed beyond words.....and that is what the main issue is...

Hurting Them.

The reality is - We are both happy - but they will be devestated.

Hurting them was not in his plan.

It just is a rock and a hard place.

Trio

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:15am
I guess I'd have to wonder if it would be better to hurt them with this news now, before you're married, than to let them continue thinking that maybe you'll start working on some grandbabies after the wedding. It really should be him that breaks it to them, it was his choice, and they are his parents. But I can't think that waiting is going to make things any better....

My DF's mom is all about the grandkids, I understand what that kind of pressure is like and how important it is for some people to have grandkids....but everybody has to make their own choices and live their own lives and hopefully your DF's parents will understand his decision.

Best of luck to you...

Judie
Co-cl for Birth Control
Judie Cl for Birth Control 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 11:32pm
Thank You Judy

for your Insight.

and Kind Words.

Trio

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 7:43pm
I agree - it's better for him to be honest with his parents than for them to be hoping every time they see you that this will be the day you announce your "happy news". They will be hurt, but at least they can grieve and then move on. And a bonus, they will stop hinting all the time.