Want to scream

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Want to scream
5
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:33pm
Okay, so after much debate about which method of birth control is right for me, I find myself extremely exhausted about the subject and pretty frustrated.

I didn't want anything hormonal, and anything that had to be inserted. I find myself pissed off that the woman is the one that constantly has to worry about birth control and how it seems to be just my responsibility! I've racked my brain now for 2 months constantly thinking and worring about methods, bought and read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, add in a couple horrid doctor appointments where they tried to tell me what was best instead of listening, and now I just want to give up. Joining a Nunery and practicing abstinence for the rest of my life is actually looking good to me now after all this.

Why does this have to be so hard? Am I the only one that finds all this frustrating?.

So... much to the dismay of my dear boyfriend... I choose not to be the one to have to worry about this, and I choose....condoms. After 6 years of being the one to worry about not getting pregnant, Im passing that torch on to my bf. And if he does not like it, then we are just not gonna have sex!

Okay, so now my question to you all...

What are your experiences with condoms? Good/Bad? Different kinds? I imagine I'll still have to go out and buy them, so what ones should I get?

Thanks for listening to me complain, this board is the only place that listens when it comes down to preventing babies.

~*Chrissy*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
In reply to: chrissy_82
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:48pm
The trojans with "her pleasure" and the ribbed are my personal favorites. Lubricant is a must too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
In reply to: chrissy_82
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 7:29am
Well, unfortunately, most anyone you ask will tell you they don't like condoms... including me. However, the circumstance does not always allow us to go without them. My experiences are far and wide with condom use. I've had them break, come off inside me, and get lost in the sheets somehow. (Sorry if TMI.) But, on the other hand, when used PROPERLY, they are reliable and can be almost fun. My favorite has been Lifestyles, Ultra Sensitive. Also, the new Trojan Warming Effects are fun too. There are glow in the dark, and ribbed condoms as well. Watch out, the ribbed effect may be too much for some women since it can feel almost rough inside!

To make condoms more enjoyable for him, place a drop or two of lube (Astroglide is a very popular favorite) on the inside tip of the condom before he (or YOU for more fun) rolls it on. Then give the outside a little lube too, and you're set. Sometimes the latex will get dry and can break, so keep on using lube. There are also ways to make rolling them on fun, like cheeking it (that's putting it on with your mouth if you're brave) or making it a showy event for him to watch you do it! And a word of advice, if you plan on receiving oral sex, do it before using the condom, because latex can leave you smelling kinda funky! Good luck and have fun!

Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
In reply to: chrissy_82
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:30am
My husband and I have been married 13 years. We had never used condoms until Aug of last year. Thats when I decided that I had enoungh of hormones! We began using condoms till we could decide between a tubal or a vasectomy(we have 2 children and our family is complete). My husband had the vasectomy in Feb and in June we got the go-ahead to forgo them. Yes, it is great not to worry about birth control. During the 10 months we had to use them though, I will say it wasnt bad. My sex drive is over-the-top without hormones. My husband really liked that so condoms werent really a big deal. As my husband use to say "Sex with condoms is better than no sex at all!" Thats how we feel. If it is a problem for you, is an IUD out of the question? There are several women here (those who have and havent had children) who use one and like it. The insertion is a one time thing considering that it stays in for several years. If you look in the FAQ, there is a great write-up about them. Good luck with your decision!

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
In reply to: chrissy_82
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:47am
I just wanted to give you a little encouragement on FAM. A lot of women like it for the reason you talked about... the couple has to have communication and they are in it together. And you can do FAM any way that you feel comfortable with. You could use condoms during your fertile time only. Use them up until ovulation. Use them before ovulation and abstain during your fertile time. Or follow more of the nfp rules and not use them at all. It just seems like there might be some good compromise options there. It can be really hard to find a doctor who will help you, but only you know how diligent you will be in following the rules. And if you follow the rules it can be about as effective as the pill. Have you been to www.tcoyf.com? Also if you want to have someone available who can look at your charts if you ever have questions there are organizations that teach it and also there are nfp-only doctors who will be supportive, and I'm sure they won't throw you out of the office in the event you choose to use condoms too. They just don't write pill prescriptions. Besides the birth control aspects, there is the added bonus of knowing exactly what is happening to your body and spotting problems way before your doctor does :)

Hope that helps!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: chrissy_82
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:46pm
well theres a few things with condoms that can be quite unfavorable. first of all they are not as effective as using something like an IUD (which you may want to look into since they are economical and only require one insertion for a few years), BCP, Depo, etc. so your risk of becoming pregnant is higher. condoms are only about 86 percent effective where as the others can be up to more than 99percent effective if used correctly. other risks would be condoms breaking or coming off. ive had a condom come off and almost get lost in sheets before and that certainly isnt good. if you choose condoms make sure you have a size that fits your guy (too small condoms can cause easy breakage) and i would recommend ones with a lubricant which reduces the friction and also feels better. personally im not a fan because i dont like the 'break in action' or risks of breaking and such. but they can also be enjoyable if you use ones that are more of a specialty, like shared pleasure, warming, ribbed, etc.

sure it would be nice if they guys could do a lot more when it comes to birth control but the fact is that most of the "science" of things happens in us girls. id like to see a pill or a patch for guys that cuts sperm count but until then its kind of up to us to do what we can, which doesnt mean all the responsibility is on the girl. i think the guy should definitely be involved since really we dont just hop on ourselves and get ourselves pregnant. but really i think in the end we are the ones who can decide which method we are more comfortable using, though both parties are responsible.

i also wouldnt recommend threatening with 'no sex' comments because a lack of sex can rift your relationship. sure relationships arent all sex but its still really important and frustrations, especially sexually are never good. i dont want to be preaching to you or anything and i hope you and your boyfriend find something that works out great for both of you and that you are both comfortable with.