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|Wed, 11-12-2008 - 5:24pm|
I'm so glad to be finally posting my arrival story. Boy, what a journey it was to get here. Here is my story...
Last week I was literally shaking in my boots waiting to get my amnio over with. The procedure itself was extremely creepy but really not that painful- just a quick sting. The harder part was waiting 6 hrs for the results. I got the call at 4PM that his lungs were mature and that we were "on" for the scheduled c section the next morning at 0800. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I felt like the battle was half over. Naturally I didn't sleep well at all that night. It was a good thing we had to check in at 0530. I couldn't lay in bed any longer. So we get to L&D and the nurses immediately take blood and get me prepped. The IV really hurt. It took 2 tries...I cried partly because of the pain but mostly because the tears have been ready to pop out for a couple of days. My family was there with us and I couldn't hold back the emotions. I just kept thinking "could I really handle coming home without a baby, God for bid it happens again?" 20 minutes before show time I got the dreaded news that we'd have to wait another 1.5 hours because of an emergency c section that just came in. That was brutal having to wait but I kept reminding myself that the poor person who bumped me was probably so scared about her situation (just like me last year). Once it was time to go into the OR the shaking kicked in full blast. The room was freezing and I was terrified. Getting an epidural when you don't have contractions is tough. I clung to the nurse for dear life. Finally when my DH was able to join me I relaxed. The moment became surreal...the pushing & tugging on my mid section and doctors chit chatting about who won the election made me want to go to sleep. Finally we heard the beautiful cry. And lucky for us he cried and cried. WOW, I wish that moment on every one of you pregnant ladies! Once I got to the recovery room my family was there and had already gotten a peak at our baby. This is when I saw my doctor and learned that my uterus had ruptured. The bag of water was the only thing separating me and our baby from disaster. Had we waited another week the outcome could have been fetal. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. When I was contracting at 29 weeks my incision from my prior c section became painful. I asked if this pain was normal. But at the time I wasn't bleeding so there was no way of knowing if I had ruptured. Now I know. How lucky were we that things ended so well? My angel must have been looking out for us. I spent 4 nights in the hospital. I didn't mind the stay at all. I savored the moments when it was just me and my precious baby alone in the room. I could stare at him forever. You spend so much time praying for that moment and here it was. I also love breastfeeding him. The bonding is out of this world. I'm without a doubt in baby heaven.
The day I was discharged was the first time I was hit with grief for my angel son. I was being wheeled past the gift shop on the way out. There was a display of angels in the window. It reminded me of one year ago being wheeled out of the same hospital with my suitcase and a box containing my sons tiny hat, gown, plaster molding of his feet and other things meant to make me feel better. I sat there with red eyes holding that sad box waiting for my DH to pull the car around. Now here I was holding my precious baby and it all became too much. The poor nurse pushing the wheelchair had no idea why I was sobbing. I tried to talk but it was hopeless. I needed to get that out. I hope I always remember my angel...it's because of him that I'm forever changed for the better.
I'm so glad to have found this message board. I felt so alone before and talking about my loss here has been the best healing I could ask for. Thank you for listening and sharing. I wish all of you the best and can't wait to read more arrival stories.
Mom to baby Joseph born healthy on 11/05/08 at 37 weeks