Long Overdue Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Long Overdue Update
7
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 8:51pm

Hi!

I'm sorry to be so lame about posting on the message boards these days. I do read them every day, but have not figured out how to post and take care of Casey. She is an amazing little girl, and she does not stop for a moment to give her mommy and daddy some down-time. She is now almost 5 and a half months old, and is happy, active, alert, intense, tall, strong, and beautiful. She is rolling over in both directions (front to back and back to front), is starting to sit up on her own, loves to stand (with our help, since she has no balance yet), and has recently learned to bang on things and splash in the bath. She's at that stage where EVERYTHING goes into her mouth, which is both endearing and a little bit scary. And she's grabbing things constantly. Last week I went to a pottery studio with Casey facing forwards in the Baby Bjorn (the only way she will allow us to carry her). I walked around for a while and then looked down to find Casey clutching a beautiful, very breakable mug! LOL I have no idea when she grabbed onto it, but I'm very happy that she maintained her grip!

As I mentioned above, Casey does not stop to rest or to let us rest. She barely naps at all during the day, although she sleeps fairly well at night. She does not tolerate being put down for very long, so we're constantly carrying her everywhere. And she is very unhappy in any carrier except the Baby Bjorn, which lacks good lower back support. So I'm pretty exhausted, but happy. We're slowly getting her to hang out on the bed or floor for longer and longer periods of time. She just got big enough for the jogging stroller, and she seems to think it's an okay means of transportation. Maybe I'll actually get out for some regular jogs soon! And we finally decided to hire a babysitter for a few hours each week to get a break from the physical strain of parenthood. I'm looking forward to our first session tomorrow!

Lately I've been crying a lot, thinking about Maya. I seem to have very morbid thoughts a lot, and I worry often about anything happening to me, Chris, or Casey. Yesterday I was driving alone and I suddenly thought "what if I crash and die?!" And then I thought "I'd get to see Maya". I try to put these thoughts out of my mind, but they pop in anyway. It's difficult to explain (but I'm betting many of you understand), but since Maya died I am much more aware of how fragile life is, and I feel much closer to death all the time.

Aaah, well, I didn't mean to go into so much detail about my thoughts, but it feels good to get them out. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the pictures of Casey. I think about all of you often. You are in my heart, even if I don't have time to put it into words.

love,

Marci
Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days
AND
her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
Marci Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days AND her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 8:08am

Hey Marci,


It's so so so good to hear from you. Casey is still so beautiful- her eyes are just ridiculously gorgeous, and from the pics you've posted i'm thinking she gets them from her lovely Mama.


It sounds like she is a joy, but definately a high maintenance babe :) I don't know if i've mentioned it before, but, like

Mama to *Elliott*, born still on May 15, 2007 at 39 weeks

and

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 4:24pm

Hi Marci,


ooohhhh such a cute pictures! :-) I cannot believe she is almost six months already! I hope your first session with babysitter will go well, so you and DH can enjoy just each other for a while and get some rest :-)


About the morbid thoughts - I got them, too. I am scared something will happen to me, and DH would be left here alone or vise versa. I am trying to convince myself we will grow old together and enjoy grandchildren together, but sometimes it is so hard when we don't know what tomorrow will bring us. :-(


Well, I'll let you go back to your super cute and super active baby :-) Give her a kiss from me :-)


Veronika

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 2:08pm

Hi Wren!

I'm sorry to hear that your meds are no longer in effect. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to manage the stress of pregnancy after a loss AND bipolar disorder. I admire your strength, and wish you continued courage through the rest of your pregnancy. I am so glad that you found a doula who brings you added peace and confidence. We loved our doula, and I felt much more secure just knowing she would be there before, during, and after Casey's birth. With all of the mental/emotional turmoil you're dealing with right now, a good support person is essential.

Thank you for your sweet message. I think your idea for a PhD is fantastic. I bet there is something to the high-stress mama = high needs baby theory, and I'd LOVE to learn more about the long-term effects.

I look forward to many more wonderful updates from you.

love,

Marci
Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days
AND
her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
Marci Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days AND her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 3:16pm

Marci,


Casey is getting more and more beautiful.

Eileen

 Mommy to Wyatt (3/02), Wil (4/04), Beau (1/06), Brady, our angel (8/31/07), and Tobin Jerome 12/5/08

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 6:16pm
Hi Veronika!
Wow- you'realmost to the halfway point- that's a huge accomplishment! Thanks for your sweet words about Casey and for understanding my fears. I am so grateful for the continued support I receive from the women on this board. I hope you're findind ways to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. It's not easy, but somehow you'll make it through to hearing that wonderful cry of your newborn.
love,
Marci
Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days
AND
her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
Marci Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days AND her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 6:29pm
Thanks for all of your kindness, Eileen. We did have a great babysitting session, and I got the whole house cleaned! I know it doesn't sound like much of a break, but it was great to move my body like a "normal" person, and it feels good to have a handle on the chaos that has overtaken our house. I appreciate hearing that I'm a good mama. I always second-guess myself and feel like I could/should be doing more, but right now I physically cannot do more. I can't wait for Chris to finish his PhD so he can be more present for both me and Casey. I'm sure the tiredness is contributing to my dark emotional state, but it's good to hear that it's normal to over-process my worries.
love,
Marci
Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days
AND
her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
Marci Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days AND her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sat, 12-20-2008 - 3:20pm

Marci- She is so cute!!!


I had the same kinds of thoughts when Maureen was a baby -my first after ~Clarissa~.


I had to LOL at the mug story!!!

Jamie


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