Long Overdue Update
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|Sun, 12-14-2008 - 8:51pm|
I'm sorry to be so lame about posting on the message boards these days. I do read them every day, but have not figured out how to post and take care of Casey. She is an amazing little girl, and she does not stop for a moment to give her mommy and daddy some down-time. She is now almost 5 and a half months old, and is happy, active, alert, intense, tall, strong, and beautiful. She is rolling over in both directions (front to back and back to front), is starting to sit up on her own, loves to stand (with our help, since she has no balance yet), and has recently learned to bang on things and splash in the bath. She's at that stage where EVERYTHING goes into her mouth, which is both endearing and a little bit scary. And she's grabbing things constantly. Last week I went to a pottery studio with Casey facing forwards in the Baby Bjorn (the only way she will allow us to carry her). I walked around for a while and then looked down to find Casey clutching a beautiful, very breakable mug! LOL I have no idea when she grabbed onto it, but I'm very happy that she maintained her grip!
As I mentioned above, Casey does not stop to rest or to let us rest. She barely naps at all during the day, although she sleeps fairly well at night. She does not tolerate being put down for very long, so we're constantly carrying her everywhere. And she is very unhappy in any carrier except the Baby Bjorn, which lacks good lower back support. So I'm pretty exhausted, but happy. We're slowly getting her to hang out on the bed or floor for longer and longer periods of time. She just got big enough for the jogging stroller, and she seems to think it's an okay means of transportation. Maybe I'll actually get out for some regular jogs soon! And we finally decided to hire a babysitter for a few hours each week to get a break from the physical strain of parenthood. I'm looking forward to our first session tomorrow!
Lately I've been crying a lot, thinking about Maya. I seem to have very morbid thoughts a lot, and I worry often about anything happening to me, Chris, or Casey. Yesterday I was driving alone and I suddenly thought "what if I crash and die?!" And then I thought "I'd get to see Maya". I try to put these thoughts out of my mind, but they pop in anyway. It's difficult to explain (but I'm betting many of you understand), but since Maya died I am much more aware of how fragile life is, and I feel much closer to death all the time.
Aaah, well, I didn't mean to go into so much detail about my thoughts, but it feels good to get them out. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy the pictures of Casey. I think about all of you often. You are in my heart, even if I don't have time to put it into words.
Proud mom of Maya Gabrielle, the love of my life, born beautiful and still on February 2, 2007 at 40 weeks, 3 days
her sister, Casey Nadine, who was born healthy and screaming on July 6, 2008.