Condoms and sensitivity?
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Condoms and sensitivity?
| Mon, 04-17-2006 - 4:55pm |
Hello,
A few weeks ago I moved in with my DF. Up til then we used condoms, but then we started slacking off then pretty quickly quit using them altogether--they just got inconvenient. We both enjoy the greater intimacy now, and he really gets into the extra sensation--which is the problem. Once we begin intercourse, he now has a lot of trouble holding back, even though I try to be gentle. We've discussed and he's said that he'll go back to condoms if he really has to, but he doesn't really like the idea and it does seem silly at this stage of our relationship. Is this just a passing phase or is there something we can do? If the former, how long til he gets used to things? Thanks for any input . . .
Jenn

Hi gennfurr, welcome!
>>we used condoms, but then we started slacking off then pretty quickly quit using them altogether--they just got inconvenient. We both enjoy the greater intimacy now, and he really gets into the extra sensation--which is the problem. Once we begin intercourse, he now has a lot of trouble holding back, even though I try to be gentle. <<
Ummm... I'm confused. Are you on BCPs or you trying to rely on withdrawal for contraception? If you are on hormonal contraceptives they are 98-99% effective if used perfectly so you shouldn’t need condoms. When I was on OTC for 3 years I never used condoms unless I was concerned about STDs or I was on antibiotics and I never had a scare.
>>We've discussed and he's said that he'll go back to condoms if he really has to, but he doesn't really like the idea and it does seem silly at this stage of our relationship. <<
Unless you are at the stage in your relationship where you are both comfortable with trying to conceive or conceiving accidentally there is nothing silly about using an effective method of contraception. Withdrawal (if that is what you are using) is not an effective method for most couples over time for the very reason you cite. Withdrawal takes considerable skill and control on the part of the male partner when his every natural impulse is to go deeper and release inside you.
>>Is this just a passing phase or is there something we can do? If the former, how long til he gets used to things? <<
Once the genie is out of the bottle it may be very difficult to get him back in, because he is unlikely to forget what total freedom feels like. If you haven't tried them already you might want to try ultra sensitive or ultra thin condoms. Google condoms and ultra sensitive, there are a lot brands to choose from and ultra thins can provide a good bit more sensitivity than some of the others. DF and likes Lifestyles if he has to use condoms. Or, you might want to try using female condoms. An FC is a large polyurethane sheath held in the vagina by a small ring at the closed end that fits around the cervix with a larger external ring anchoring the open end and covering most of your labia. Because there is relative motion between his penis and the sheath the FC may provide more sensitivity for him but less for you.
Thanks for coming by. If you have more questions, please ask. Let us know what you and DF try and what you decide, ok?
Good luck,
Jill
Hi, Jill,
Thank you for answering! I'm sorry I confused you . . . I didn't think through my original post. No, we're not trying to conceive yet . . . we're using the pill, which I've been on for some time, and I have no problem with DF releasing inside me. The problem is just one of timing--it now happens too quickly. Pregnancy isn't a problem--we're both comfortable with the pill and we're both ok with a baby if I should get preggers.
We've talked it over some and as you said he really likes the "total freedom" feeling. I can't tell much difference, though it is lovely not to have to fiddle with condoms beforehand, which is why I'm not pushing for him to go back to them. I was just wondering if this sort of thing is usual and what we can do about it.
Sorry again, and thanks!
Jenn
I think your guy will just have to take the time to learn how to control himself.. Also he may needs lots of practice, with your and possibly alone.
I remember watching a British TV show that would give couples advice about sex, and in one show (several shows..?) they gave guys advice on how to prolong themselves. I wish I could rember the name of it..it was someting like "Sex Gurus"
Also, if it is possible for you guy.. go a 2nd round..usually the 2nd time guys are able to last longer.
< =< -->
Hi Jenn, welcome back!
A good article about premature ejaculation is http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001524.htm which has some suggestions about how to prolong the interval before ejaculation. You could experiment with them and see which works the best for him. Keep us posted about how you and DF are doing, ok?
Good luck,
Jill