Church Bulletin Bloopers

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2002
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 12:43pm
Church Bulletin Bloopers:

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually

appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at

Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2... Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &FASTING

Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference

includes meals.

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon

tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in

the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of

those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your


6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due

to a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at

someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care

much about you.

8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.

10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

nursery downstairs.

11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all

the help they can get.

12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes

of Pastor Jack's sermons.

13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir

will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the

church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is

Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

person you want remembered.

20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy


21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super

entertainment and gracious hostility.

22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to


23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across

from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All

ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is


26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation

would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next


27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please

use the back door.

28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the

Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend

this tragedy.

29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian

Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign

slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ! - Up Yours!"

God Bless Y'All


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 4:01pm

Thanks for the laughs today Jen. I can see you were a very busy poster yesterday! These are funny. Maybe I'll get to use some of them in my next newsletter for church!

You made me smile.