Information on condom breaks
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| Mon, 08-28-2006 - 10:07am |
Okay, I need some help!!! Any advice or input is GREATLY appreciated, as I am going out of my mind here.
I had protected sex with a condom twice with a male friend. We are both adults and very aware of how to use a condom. He did it as perfectly as he possibly could, because he is highly paranoid about pregnancy. Which means (and I witnessed all of this, because I'm paranoid, too): He did not touch me with his penis until the condom was on. He was very careful not to rip or tear the condom while he was putting it on. The condom came lubricated with spermicide -- and it was not older than six months. It didn't have any visible holes/tears. It had a reservoir tip which was intact. Our sex was very short, which did not allow for much time for any extra tears to occur. After he ejaculated, he removed his penis (condom still on), by the base, so no leakage would occur. And checked to see that all of the semen was still in the reservoir tip. It was. Then, in the bathroom, he applied pressure to the end/tip of the condom to check for any pinholes (you know, making it balloon out with pressure to see if there was a defect). Nothing happened. By all accounts, things should be fine. We are just very paranoid.
My question is this. When condoms "break" or "tear" or "pop", are they always visible? We didn't see ANYTHING that could appear that way, but are there teeny, tiny little breaks that aren't visible to the naked eye? I have never had a condom break or tear, so I have NO CLUE what it looks or feels like. Do you always know when a condom breaks or tears? I know that no one can detect tiny pinholes immediately, but I thought that pressing down on the condom to make sure would alleviate that particular concern. I just don't know how big breaks or tears have to be. It seems to me that due to the properties of latex, it would have to sort of stretch and explode and make a visible tear, but of course, I could be wrong.
HELP! Please don't try and scare me. :) But please give me your honest opinion, based off of experience, etc. I have done internet research galore and can't find anything that describes or defines condom breakage. Thank you so, so, so much.

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I think that in this particular instance, you should be fine. To answer your question: condoms do not always show signs of breakage when they fail. However, they are a very effective method of birth control, so, since you were so careful, I don't think you need to worry. If it will put your mind at ease, perhaps consider the morning after pill...
If you are so paranoid about using just condoms, it would probably be in your best interest to look into other forms of birth control. Since you said this was a "male friend" and not a boyfriend, I would say, still use condoms until/unless you are in an entirely monogomus relationship, but another method might be wise to consider. If hormonal birth control is unappealing or does not agree with you, you should consider sperimicide in foam/film/gel forms. Although they are not nearly as effective as other methods of birth control, usedin conjunction with a condom, they might provide that extra sense of security you need so you don't constantly worry about a condom breaking...
The spermicide that was already on the condom that you used generally does nothing. I am not trying to scare you because again, I don't think you have anything to worry about here, but for general knowledge and future reference, condoms lubricated with spermicide are generally no different from those that are not, according to a consumer report on condoms published in 2005: http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/health-fitness/health-care/condoms-and-contraception-205/overview/index.htm
Before I went on the pill, I used condoms and spermicide for three years, and they never failed me. I was a lot like you and when we started having sex with just condoms, I was so paranoid all the time. The spermicide I used was Vaginal Contraceptive Film (VCF) http://www.mypleasure.com/education/contraception/vaginal_contraceptive_film.asp, which I liked because it was low-maintenance and low-mess. It's a small sheet of plastic-y material that you fold up and insert (follow the instructions on the package), and if works after 15 minutes and for up to three hours. When I was using it, I never experienced a condom "breaking" so that it was visible, but it definitely put my mind at ease. Again, I wouldn't use it alone, but if you want extra protection, I think it is a good option.
I never had any problems with yeast infections or urinary tract infections, although I believe some women do have those problems with spermicides.
You may also want to consider hormonal birth control or an iud, if those agree with you.
Thank you so much for your reply! I am really grateful for it.
I have to ask, when you say that a condom doesn't have to show signs of breakage for it to fail, what do you mean by that? I am a little confused -- and quite ignorant when it comes to the mechanical aspect of condoms. :) Are you meaning that they can also leak or spill? Or do you mean that they can break down somewhere, creating a passage for sperm, and you just not realize it? Is this something that you can detect when you "balloon out" the condom for errors? Sorry to barrage you with these questions....I'm just trying to educate myself. (As well as put my mind at ease.)
How long were you on condoms alone, before you used the VCF with them?
Thanks so much for everything. I really appreciate your input, more than you know! :)
Hi expectantmommy77, welcome!
Jill
The reason I said that condoms can fail even if they don't visibly tear or break is because there are instances of pregnancy occurring. I think you were careful enough, though, that it shouldn't be a problem. The reason I said that was because on the Trojan box I have it says, "when used properly, are highly effective against pregnancy - although no contraceptive can guarantee 100% effectiveness." I really didn't mean to make you worry more at all, and I really, really don't think you have anything to worry about, like Jill said.
Condoms are effective 97% of the time with perfect use (and from your explanation, it seems like this instance was the "perfect use" that the condom companies are asking for), and I just found a website that says latex condoms only break about .4% of the time, and those reasons are usually:
"When condoms break, it is usually because space for semen was not left at the tip of the condom, the condoms are out-of-date, they have been exposed to heat or sunlight, or they have been torn by teeth or fingernails. Also, using oil-based lubricants, rather than water-based, weakens latex, causing condoms to break. So if you store and use condoms properly, it is very unlikely that your condom will break."
(http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/malecontraceptives1.html)
So, since you actively avoided *all* of those things... there is such a small chance that even a non-detectable tear could have occurred.
To your question about my own personal use: I used just condoms for about six months when I first started having sex. I worried all the time, though -- even if nothing happened to make me think something had gone wrong (I'm incredibly paranoid). That's why I started using the spermicide as well. Even though there was probably no reason to, I would worry and worry and worry until I got my period. Overall, I think that condoms are a very effective and responsible method of birth control, it just may give you some peace of mind to have "back up".
Also, I am totally *not* trying to push any method of birth control here... I just wanted to offer some input from my own experience because I totally sympathize with worrying about pregnancy, even when you are doing everything just right!
Good luck!! Definitely let me know if I have been unclear about anything I said...
Thanks again, so much! I totally can relate and understand contraceptive paranoia...which is why, if you don't mind, I'm going to ask you a few more questions you might know a little bit more about than I do. I PROMISE that the questions will stop soon!
Okay, as I told you before, he used Trojan condoms coated with spermicide. I know this is extreme paranoia, but here goes. I am positive that these condoms were at least seven months old. He told me that he had a partner back in December, that he bought the condoms for. We had sex in June. Condoms coated with spermicide are known to have a shorter shelf life than just regular lubricated ones. The condoms we used have an approximate shelf life of two years. Can holes start forming and deterioration start happening in as short as 6-7 months? The two year thing is terrifying me. I asked him about storage, and he said they had been in a hall closet, tucked away. I got a little nervous, because during the day, while he's at work, he turns the air conditioner way up and it gets hot in the house. How hot, I don't know. But it has been HOT here this summer. So all of those things added up have made me scared. He thinks they should be fine. I just don't know. I know my mind is doing this to me, but I would like to know a person's opinion who is in a reasonable state of mind! I know we did everything by the books, but the unknown odds that could beat us are so scary to me, even if they are unreasonable and illogical.
Also, the second time we had sex, he pulled out and kind of said, "Oh, sh-t." He was looking at the condom and it had excessive lubrication on it...very wet, and he thought the condom exploded. But all the semen was in the tip, nothing appeared to have broken or leaked at ALL, and he realized that the lubrication must have been from me. But of course now that has me freaked out.
I haven't told you the rest of my story. There is a real reason I am so freaked out. I AM pregnant. I am married to another man. Please don't judge me. We had separated for quite some time, and he has major anger issues, and I didn't think I wanted to reconcile. So...I slept with my male friend. Here's the thing. My husband and I slept together, too, during that time. We have ONLY used the withdrawal method throughout the course of our marriage (one year and two months). It never got me pregnant before, so the timing is freaking me out. But, about five days before I was scheduled to ovulate, he slipped up inside of me. Just a bit. I was possibly becoming fertile then, but I'm not for sure. Unless I ovulated early. Then, after I slept with my male friend, I went back home and reconciled with my husband. The whole "new sex" thing freaked me out. My husband and I had withdrawal method sex (more heatedly than usual) throughout the entire course of that weekend and beyond. I will map out my cycle below and the dates I had sex. Based off of the information, could you tell me what you think? Everyone I have told (including medical and pregnancy crisis staff) bets anything that the child is definitely my husband's...and that the guilt and trauma of everything has made me incredibly paranoid (which I am anyway) and unable to reason clearly.
Here goes:
June 19th: Date of last period
June 23rd: Period ended
June 25th: Withdrawal method sex with my husband
June 27th: Condom sex (one act) with my male friend
June 28th: Withdrawal method sex with my husband (where he slipped up and got some ejaculate in me)
June 29th: Condom sex (one act) with my male friend
June 30th: Withdrawal sex with my husband
July 1st: Withdrawal sex with my husband
July 2nd: Withdrawal sex with my husband
July 3rd: Expected date of ovulation, no sex
July 4th: Withdrawal sex with my husband
I know you can't be 100% -- but can you please give me the facts as you see them, without scaring me or also sugarcoating? Thank you so much. I am about to lose my mind. :(
I am with the other people you have spoken to in thinking that the baby is definitely your husband's. Condoms are very effective... and the withdrawl method is *not* very effective at all. When your male-friend said "oh sh-t" after being inside you because of extra lubrication/wetness, I have to imagine that is because of your body. Sometimes, after having sex with condoms, I would have a lot of leaky (sometimes white) discharge, which my doctor told me was probably just my body's natural fluids reacting with either the spermicide (and there was spermicide on your condoms) or the latex. Not exactly an allergic reaction because nothing bad happened, but it may explain what you experienced. Also, I don't know if you orgasmed, but it could have been female ejaculate.
As far as the shelf-life of the condoms goes: if they were supposed to last two years, and they were seven months old, you should really be alright there. It sounds like he was storing them properly. I'm not sure if you looked at the expiration date, but perhaps ask your friend, and it may put your mind at ease (I've used Trojans, and I am nearly certain the expiration date is on the box as well as the individual condoms). Even though condoms with spermicide have a shorter shelf-life than condoms without spermicide, that does *not* mean that the expiration date would be inaccurate. Condom companies take all of this into account.
Also, if your husband slipped up inside of you five days prior to your expected ovulation date, that could have been the time you were impregnated. Sperm can live in the female reproductive tract for up to five days (note: not the vagina, but an environment beyond the cervix, like the the fallopian tubes)... so if you ovulated a little bit early, then that's a definite possiblity. Even further, though, you had sex with your husband on the day before and the day after expected ovulation. Even though he was withdrawing, there is still sperm in pre-ejaculate, which could have impregnanted you.
All in all, you were having protected sex with your male-friend; and you used very unreliable method of pregnancy prevention with your husband, so it would be highly unlikely that the child would belong to your male friend.
Of course, you could get a paternity test. There's some information on the American Pregnancy Association website: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/paternitytesting.html
I don't know very much about paternity tests in general, but if you are incredibly worried, it may be something to consider. On that website it says that they are usually kept entirely confidential (depending on where you go), so you don't need to worry about anyone finding out, either.
Hi again hon,
Jill
So am I being silly for worrying so much? I mean, everyone I have told thinks I have no reason to worry as much as I am. I just don't know. Do you have an opinion? You aren't going to hurt my feelings....I just don't know what to think anymore. Logic tells me that it is my husband's child, but guilt and paranoia are messing with me. Is that normal? Sometimes I think it the guilt is an indicator that maybe my male friend DID get me pregnant, and my head is telling me to recognize that fact. But everyone else thinks that is silly and ONLY my guilt talking.
By the way, I did talk to my doctor, about a month ago, when I first found out. He said he obviously didn't know 100%, one way for the other, but based off of the information, he wasn't worried about paternity.
I think I'm just really worried about the odds (2% of perfect condom use vs. 19% typical withdrawal use) beating me. Those both are small numbers, if you think about it. Sigh.
>>So am I being silly for worrying so much? I mean, everyone I have told thinks I have no reason to worry as much as I am.
Jill
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