Depo- bad side effects-posted by husband
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| Thu, 09-14-2006 - 2:45pm |
feel a little wierd about posting this, but dont know what else to do.
my wife started Depo shot three months ago, just took her second shot two weeks ago, since the first one she has been a somewhat different person--very moody, depressed, telling me she wants a seperation/divorce, is not "in-love" with me anymore, spending more and more time away from home, just very unhappy. then at drop of hat, she is happy-of course when she is not with me and out with her friends. sometimes talking to her is like talking to a zombie--she is looking at me but its like she is dead inside, no emoiton in her eyes, its like she is looking through me. she has been spending alot of time away from home the past two years, more in the past three months and has been spending the nights at a girlfriends house-coming home in time for me to leave for work in AM, the doctor perscribed her Xanex, which she has taken a few times--but wont all those drugs have an effect on each other (counting tobacco and another natural occuring smoking product)
on some reading i found out that Depo is a poison, it was onced used in chemically castration, please help this might not have a damn thing to do with our marital problems but i dont think it is helping,
has anyone had similar experiences or know someone who has, should i talk to her doctor, and i dont think she will talk to the doctor or marriage counselor
also, ladies, im going to say something that im sure no man has said on any of these boards..i love my wife tremendouesly, i love her and always will. i realize i have made many mistakes--such as my temper, me pushing her to get an education, me pushing her to save money and repect bills, me pushing her to look after herself, me pushing her to trust me and not trust the world. i undestand i could have done things better, but you know what--everything EVERYTHIG i have done since marriage has been for the betterment of my wife and kids, could i have done it better, sure, have i learned from my mistakes, im trying--but i dont think its fair that she says now its too late and wants seperation
i have NEVER cheated on her, lied to her (besides little white lies like no that dress doesnt make you look big-when pregnant), I dont spend all our family;s money on gambling, or putting it up my nose or in my veins, I dont stay out all night, and I pray for her and my children every night to be safe and protected.
PLEASE HELP, and give me true advice, our family is in a crisis and the prevailing thought seems to be just cut ties and run, give up--she and kids deserve better and are worth soo much more than that

Well, I am certainly not an expert by any means, so take this for what it is worth...
I used depo for a few years. When I was on Depo I was constantly moody, tired, depressed. I withdrew from my relationship quite a bit, and eventually it fell apart as a result. I gained a lot of weight. That's not to say I was never happy at all during those years, but I was generally less happy then than I am now.
Anyway, I don't know if depo is contributing to your relationship problems, but it probably isn't helping, if your wife is having similar side-effects to what I experienced. Personally, I've found the paragard IUD to be a MUCH better alternative (after a decent amount of trial and error, of course).
As for the rest of the things you mentioned in you post, maybe you should check out some of the other boards ivillages offeres, if you haven't already. There are a lot of boards dedicated to relationship problems specifically.
Hormonal birth control can definitely have emotional side effects. I tried some pills that made me noticably more depressed and anxious. I have never been on Depo, but I have heard some very bad things about it -- including horrible moodiness and depression (plus weight gain). Your wife may be experiencing these side effects, but if she was spending time away from home before going on it, there are issues there that the birth control may just be exacerbating.
One more thing: drug interactions are important to keep in mind with hormonal birth control. A lot of times, antibiotics are the ones that decrease effectiveness. If a doctor prescribed Xanax for your wife knowing that she is on Depo, she should be alright -- if a different doctor prescribed it, you should call to check (I'm not familiar with the specific drug and its interactions). However, especially on Depo, your wife should not be smoking - tobacco or really anything else. A lot of types of hormonal birth control carry that warning (especially for women over 35) because of blood clots, but I think that Depo is different because smoking can reduce the amount of calcium in your bones (according to the depo website), and Depo already puts women at a higher risk for a loss of bone density.
Overall, you may want to discuss a different form of birth control with your wife -- not just for depression/moodiness reasons, but because it is not the healthiest choice for birth control out there. If I were in your situation, I would *not* go right to her doctor... talk to her -- it is her body. Especially since you are already having problems in your relationship, I think going directly to her doctor would be seen by her as manipulative and controlling. If my boyfriend called my doctor up to talk about my birth control without talking to me first I would be very angry with him. It's her right to make the decision about birth control because it is her body and ultimately her responsiblity to take the medication properly. Like the other poster said, you may want to look elsewhere for advice on relationship problems. I wish I could help, but I just don't have the experience or the resources...
Best of luck in everything. I hope it all works out for you.
As the previous poster said, Depo can cause mood issues. But, I don't think if your wife goes off Depo your marriage will all the sudden be hunky-dory.
This portion of your post really concerns me:
"i have made many mistakes--such as my temper, me pushing her to get an education, me pushing her to save money and repect bills, me pushing her to look after herself, me pushing her to trust me and not trust the world."
This frankly sounds pretty arrogant. It makes me suspect that this is a relationship problem, not a medical one. Honestly, I'd recommend a professional marriage counselor.
I do believe that you love your wife but I think you need to read over what you wrote very closely. From the way you put it, it sounds like you are treating her like a child, not like your wife. "pushing her to trust me and not to trust the world" -- are you her father? She's a big girl, and if someone treated me that way, I would distance myself just to get a little bit of self-respect. You need to treat her like a person you are sharing your life, your family, your decisions, and your responsibilities with... not someone whose hand you need to hold! Let her be responsible for her own decisions -- it sounds more like she's running away from an overbearing father than a husband.
Depo is a scary method of birth control to me -- but it seems like the issues in your marriage have been going on longer than she has been on it. If she won't seek marital help with you right away, why not go talk to a therapist on your own... work on yourself -- she may have issues but you do too, and the only way you will make her interested in working on the relationship is if you show her that you recognize you own a piece of the problems... and that you are willing to fix it.
Hi countrylonelyboy,
When I was on Depo I became an emotional monster.