ovulation test...good for sex ?
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| Thu, 04-26-2007 - 4:59pm |
Hey!
I'm a 27yr old guy who is in a very commited relationship with a 24yr old... cupcake! ;)
She really is a sweetheart!
Although the sex has been fantastic theres one thing we have never done which we would like to do...
a little history first, I am quite experienced here and have had a couple of EXs and a few one nighters in my past... while I am kind of her first. The one thing I have never done is come in a woman without a condom on...for fear of getting my partner pregnant or fear of STDs I always had a condom on or "pulled out" even though one of my ex's was on the pill, so we both want to try me totally coming inside of her as we both know we are totally clean and commited to each other.
Heres the catch, we are both very scared of her getting pregnant, not that its a bad thing but we dont want that...just yet.
I have done a lot of reading on the subject from the pill, to patch, shot, copper T etc etc etc but most of those things come with a long line of possible complications later on (that i dont want her to risk right now) and some need time before most work, or prescriptions etc
Doing further reading I went the other way, how to get pregnant and I see that the egg is released and only good for 24hrs (even though sperm can last upto 4 days) so is my logic good here in that if my girl takes an ovulation test in the first 10 days (or 20 days) after her period and if she's not ovulating then we can do it without a condom with almost no risk of her getting pregnant?
We just want to try this once before going back to our "condom habits" ;)
Is this too risky and is there any big faults in my logic?
Another option is to do it on one of her "safe days" and then take an emergency pill like Plan B or something (we're in Europe) but reading I see even that makes the girl usually feel sick or "middle spotting" or heavier discharge etc...
Advise please..
Thanks in advance!
R

I know there are some ladies here that use FAM as a method but you have to be very diligent about it. Personally I wouldn't trust just an OPK at all. There's just too much risk if you aren't willing to deal with a possible pregnancy. I know that Jill can recommend a book about learning how to do the FAM. It takes some practice an diligence on the woman's part so if your partner doesn't want to check her cervical mucus and chart her temp it may not be for you.
While all hormonal methods do carry some risk the risk really is minimal. I was on the pill for a number of years without any complications and then after I had my son chose to use an IUD (mirena the hormonal one). I'm sure that you will get advice that will help you.
Hi guy, welcome!
Jill
Hi R,
My partner and I use the Fertility Awareness Method for trying to avoid pregnancy, that I learned from Toni Weschler's "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (TCOYF) that Jill recommended to you.
Ovulation Predictor Kits are not good for trying to avoid sex, they are only good for trying to conceive. Reason being, they are only designed to detect the Luteinising Hormone (LH) surge that occurs before ovulation, but they do not guarantee that ovulation actually occurs. Women can have a LH surge and not end up ovulating, meaning that the potential then remains for a woman to ovulate later on.
There are key things that need to be noted about the use of ovulation kits which should persuade you from using them:
1. They don't actually confirm that ovulation has occurred. Sometimes women can experience Luteinized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome where there is an LH surge, but the egg never manages to pop out of the ovary and move down the fallopian tube.
2. A woman can experience smaller LH surges prior to ovulation occurring which can turn up positive on an OPK, so you may think she has ovulated, and think she is safe, when in fact she is not.
3. An OPK is only as accurate as the person using them. If the steps aren't strictly followed, the test can be invalid. Also, if they OPKs are not stored properly and subjected to heat, they can malfunction.
4. A typical kit only has about 5 to 9 days worth of kits, so if she is a late ovulator for any reason, you may run out of tests before she actually gets to where she would ovulate. This then becomes expensive.
5. The kits instruct women to test for ovulation based on an average length luteal phase (the phase after ovulation), if she happens to have a short luteal phase, and she tests too early, the test would be negative for ovulation making it look like she isn't ovulating, when ovulation hasn't actually occurred.
6. If she is pregnant and doesn't know it, the test would simply look like she isn't ovulating.
As Jill said, because she would be the person most affected by a pregnancy, the decision should be hers as to whether or not she goes on the pill, not yours simply because you don't want her to subject herself to side effects. If the two of you decide that hormonal birth control isn't for her, then she needs to look into which barrier methods are most suited to her, such as condoms, diaphragm or cap. All of these require diligent use, every single time.
You could combine the Fertility Awareness Method with this if you wanted to go without condoms some of the time, but be warned, the Fertility Awareness Method, or Natural Family Planning, have a strict set of rules, and if you try to bend them or push the limits, an unplanned pregnancy is very possible. To learn how to use FAM (NFP has the same rules, but sex is avoided during fertile times of the month, whereas FAM utilises barrier methods in the fertile times), you both need to read Toni Weschler's book, or book into a course at a natural fertility clinic or your local church.
In any case, unless you have had a full STD check, you shouldn't go without condoms for any reason. While you might think you are "clean" without the tests, there are several STDs that can be symptom free for years, but still very possible to pass on to your GF.
Hello ladies!
Thank you for your reply, I will try to answer both your responses one by one as best I can since you have kindly put in quite some time and effort to give me a detailed answer... so forgive this long post and all the cut and pasting..
**
How do you know? Condoms are the best protection possible (other than abstinence) against STDs but they aren't perfect. Since you have a sexual history, it would be a very good idea (if you both haven’t already been tested) for you and your girlfriend to be tested for STDs and found negative before going without a condom.
**
I'm kinda paranoid about STDs and HIV in particular, coz lets face it, once you have HIV...you have HIV, so I have gotten tested twice in 6 months (3 months and 3 months again, even though in the second 3 months I had not had sex at all) for HIV and in the first 3 months for everything from clamedia (forgive the spellings...too lazy to spellcheck now) gonnehra, herpes and a lot inbetween/after, and came out clean (no pun intended!)
My girl on the other hand was raped when she was around 16 repeatedly, and the guy was not clean... twice he even came on her thighs and she got a rash plus she developed cysts on her overies and after a lot of medication and tests that was cured(?) but while (or after) she was doing this they also tested her for all sorts of STDs and that came out clear too... then 8 years later I was/am the first person she has given herself too so I am pretty damn sure she's clean too..
**
Withdrawal (pulling out) is NOT an effective method of contraception for most couples
**
I understand this; pre-cum...
but this was with my ex and she was on the pill.
I actually tried this with my present too but thats because we were stupid, and drunk after a party....i know...very stupid, but it happened and thankfully nothing unplanned happened.
**
I’m sorry, YOU are asking about going bareback but you don’t want HER risking what? It’s HER body. SHE will be most affected by any pregnancy and the method of birth control should be HER decision in concert with HER doctor.....
**
Ooops, feeling defensive here... lets clear this up, we BOTH want to go bareback but she just asked me to read around and check out things then tell her, and she will read and decide whats best for her... we are presently in a long distance relationship so plenty of time to read and ask questions etc till she gets here or i go back there... she will ask her doctor about things, but she wants to kind of know what her options are and tell her what I think... esp since she most of the time has irregualar periods and (i think) some harmonal probs. BAsically, she wants be involved and I want to be involved.
An unplanned pregnancy will effect both of us, her more than me of course as she is doing the actual carrying..so it really concerns me too as I really care for her (We ar trying not to use the L word ;) )
Thanks for the TCOYF recommendation!
Thanks also for clearing up the EC question, while you were answering I read up and came to the same conclusion.
Was looking at your 'good vaginal spermicide' suggestion, but I like going down on my girl as her body really responds to it and she enjoys it (even though she wont admit it as she is a little shy and self concious about her body) so my question is, does it have a pleasent flavour or anything? or do I go down first, then we put that then I go in?
The barriers too seem like a good idea, but I dont think she is really comfortable with letting a person at a clinic show her how its done or her touching herself to put it in...
Also thank you both ladies, we wont try to use Ovulation Predictor Kits as a form of birth control, both of you certainly cleared that up!
I think we'll stick with condoms for a little while till she has a long chat with her doc and she decides something...but after that first drunken time, we both sometimes want to "put it a little in, just once" which is pretty stupid when we think about it a few minutes later...but makes perfect sense right then and there! :)
Phew... I hope my response was as through as both of yours to me... !
Cheers!
R
R...
LOL, I have A beautiful "put it in a little" 3 year old daughter! Although thankfully I am happily married and a baby wasn't devestating to us.
I think the previous posters answered most of your questions, but I just wanted to applaud you for actually coming here to ask your questions. It isn't often that the male in the relationship takes the time to care about birth control, other than to ask wether the female is protected. Kudos to you!
As for the OPK's, I'm not sure if it said somewhere, but normally when you get a positive OPK you(your GF...) will ovulate within 12-36 hours. Sperm can live much longer than that, so if you are having unprotected sex when you are getting negative OPK's, and then the next day you get a Positive, boy would you be sweating!
also, several days in my cycle I will have a hormone surge, just enough to make the OPK positive, but since I know my body, I know I won't ovulate, and I should wait a few days and try again. I will get positive OPK's for 4 days in a row, and ovulate on day 19 or so of my cycle.
Anyway, good luck to you in whatever you decide!
Hi R, welcome back!
Jill