Saying Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Saying Grace
14
Sun, 03-08-2009 - 10:20am
Hello! I just have to vent! LOL! My inlaws are staying in D.C. (where we live) for three months to "vacation" and hang out with our kids. They are retired and love to travel. It's nice having them here most of the time but they are super religious....Southern Baptist...believes the bible literally etc. Well whenever they come over for meals they all have us hold hands and say grace. This makes me NUTS!! It's MY house, so if I don't believe in prayer then i don't feel like we should have to do it when meals are in my home, but I also want to pick my battles and be respectful. It ticks me off thanking "god" for this food...when if that was the case...."god" was the one giving out food...then why are there MILLIONS of people/children starving at the same time that we are eating our lasagna! The ridiculousness of it burns me up, but they are sweet people and mean well...it just makes me uncomfortable....but I don't think any good would come of me mentioning it...so I'll just vent here! Thanks!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
In reply to: graysmom2005
Sun, 03-08-2009 - 12:06pm

Ugh, that would drive me crazy. Personally, I wouldn't allow it in my house. I would tell them that I respect their beliefs and they are welcome to pray silently before the meal, but that we would not be praying as a family.

However, I totally understand your desire to pick your battles. It sounds like your in-laws are nice people who are just doing what they normally do, and they aren't doing it to try to convert you or anything. (Now, if "grace" turned into a hellfire and brimstone sermon disguised as a prayer -- as it often did in my family/church growing up -- that would be another story.) So probably gritting your teeth and venting here is your best option in order to keep the peace. Still, I don't envy you!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2006
In reply to: graysmom2005
Sun, 03-08-2009 - 6:34pm

I do think this is one of those times where you just have to grin and bear it.

Disney Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
In reply to: graysmom2005
Sun, 03-08-2009 - 10:55pm

That would tick me off.

Would they expect you to go to their house as a guest and you demand that they not pray to their God?

Having an imaginary friend is no excuse for bad manners.

I'd have no problem if someone wanted to say their prayers before a meal, but to force my family to join them in their nonsense is just plain rude.

I would have no problem accomodating a dietary rule for a religion like no meat on Friday during Lent for Catholics, or no pork if Jewish or Muslim, or no meat if Hindu.

FWIW, I do know Hindus who do eat ground beef, and others who will not eat eggs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
In reply to: graysmom2005
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 11:39am
lol, I'd probably feel the same way as you. I wouldn't want to do it in MY house, yet I wouldn't want to rock the boat too much. Hang in there and focus on the good parts of them visiting!




I Make Milk
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2008
In reply to: graysmom2005
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 11:55am

>>>>>>>>>
Well whenever they come over for meals they all have us hold hands and say grace. This makes me NUTS!! It's MY house, so if I don't believe in prayer then i don't feel like we should have to do it when meals are in my home, but I also want to pick my battles and be respectful.
>>>>>>>>>>

No. I don't say grace period. I defiantly would not participate by holding hands etc... in my own home. IF they want to say a silent prayer before their meals then hey, more power to them.

I personally don't think it would be disrespectful to say, "I understand your need to pray. Please do it silently and leave my family out of it."

At family gatherings when it comes to, 'prayer time,' I try to time it where I am out of the room when it starts. In my own home it would never happen. I am respectful to my family and they need to be respectful to me.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2008
In reply to: graysmom2005
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 11:58am
I do like the Bart Simpson Grace.



"Dear God: We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing!"





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: graysmom2005
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 4:53pm

I understand! I would fully expect the same thing to happen if my parents were here, and yes, it would drive me nuts!

I don't know about your case, but in MY case, my parents would NOT be disrespecting me. They don't KNOW that I no longer believe the way they raised me, and I don't think it's "disrespectful" for them to assume I'm still Christian since I never gave me a reason to think otherwise. Asking them to do it privately would be outing myself to them, which is more boat-rocking than I'd want to do at the start of a three-month vacation.

While it's easy to say "my house, my rules" it's sometimes more complicated than that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
In reply to: graysmom2005
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 10:10am
I know how you feel, my father adores our boys and means well, but he thinks the lack of church going is why my brother acts the way he does, and is also the reason I was such a smart a$$ teenager.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
In reply to: graysmom2005
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 5:27pm

"Dear God: We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing!" LOL I had no idea that Bart and I thought to much alike! LOL

As for the saying of grace, I will happily lower my head and wait for your little show to be over. Then it's "Let's eat!"
Also, I have made sure to talk with the kids about this. Letting them know that I expect them to sit quietly, eyes open, waiting...
LOL

Karen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2008
In reply to: graysmom2005
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 12:10am
Wow, I just posted my beef about this too. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, but at the same time I am glad to see that it isn't just me. I guess what I did was just bite my tongue and try to portray us in a positive light. It's really tough to do because my in laws will literally take my daughter's hands and put them together in prayer. She always looks so scared and I think that should she ever choose to have religion in her life she will hopefully be more respectful of others.

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