Feelng like my life is at a standstill
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|Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:35am|
I hope everyone is hanging on and doing okay.
These days I am feeling completely stressed out. It seems like nothing in my life is going as I would like it to. Things are going really slowly for me and it is hard to keep remaining positive.
For one, I have not worked in a year for reasons that are mostly out of my control. I completed a Master in the States, but being Canadian it has been really hard to find a job here. So I decided to have my credentials evaluated in the province where I am from, and they decided that my studies were not equivalant to their education system and therefore I was not allowed to work as a teacher in my own province. So now I am having my studies evaluated in another province where I do not know anyone at all. I have to wait 4-6 weeks before I even know if I can teach in that province. So of course I start thinking that it won't work there either and I will be left totally discouraged. Then I start feeling that if it does work in this other province, I still won't know anyone and that will be so scary and lonely. Oh, I am so stressed out.
Not to mention, that I know that my marriage is not great at all. It is a very complicated issue, but I think I will have to leave him one day. I am just not ready to do it now for both financial and emotional reasons. I mean, how will I go on without the person who has been my only real confident for years. It is very scary, and also maybe to find myself without anyone else in my life ever again. Then I tell myself that there might be someone better out there....
Then another big issue, is that my parents are going through a whole bunch of problems and I am stuck in the middle without any support from other relatives. Not to mention that I am only child. It just seems like it is taking all I can not to have a nervous breakdown.
Something has to change soon or I will go bonkers.
Thanks for listening.