Bad Parent???????? -triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Bad Parent???????? -triggers
12
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 9:30pm
I'm having a really hard time being "there" for my kids right now. I am managing the basics like feeding, bathing, laundry, etc. but that's it. My oldest, 14, has recently started being around me as much as possible. Like the only time she's not is when she's at school or asleep or I'm still at work. When I sit at the computer to check my mail, she's there peering over my shoulder. When I go to take a bath, she's there talking about stuff. I have tried to be nice and ask that she give me some privacy but she does that hyper-sensitive thing and ends up thinking I "hate" her. I know part of it is her age but I just can't handle it right now. My 10 year old starves for "cuddle time" because she feels that her 7 year old brother "always" gets to cuddle with mommy. My 7 year old, of course, says he doesn't get to cuddle with me either.As their mom, I have to be there for them. Well, gotta go. DD is lurking once more.

Traci


Edited 11/19/2003 10:37:24 AM ET by musclvr66

~ ML ~  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 2:18pm
You are definitely not alone. I only have one 18 month old, but he constantly needs my attention and can't play by himself for more than 15 minutes. If he's not getting enough attention then he will start doing things he knows he shouldn't just to get a reaction from me. I would love it if he wanted to snuggle, but he just wants to run around and mostly play outside. I feel like a horrible parent because I hate going outside so we spend most of the day indoors. I know he gets bored with that, but I don't have the energy to chase him around outside, and I don't even like going outside my house lately. Some days it's a struggle just to get him fed, especially since he's going through a very picky stage and it frustrates me when he won't eat. I spend most of my day on the floor trying to read him books and play with him as much as possible, but I don't get any pleasure from playing with him, and I hate myself for that. All I can think about all day is going to bed just so I can be alone. I feel like I'm just going through the motions to meet his needs, but he deserves more than just a robot with a fake smile for a mother. I wish I had some advice, but I finally forced myself to start therapy, so hopefully I'll be able to enjoy him more soon. I don't think you're a bad parent at all though. A bad parent wouldn't care what their depression is doing to their kids. You do care, and hopefully you can get help as well to get past it, not just for your kids but for yourself as well. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 2:41pm

HI Traci,


I can totally relate. My son Jordan is 12 and a boy so its a little different, but he always seems to want to 'hang all over me' when im busy with something ... grrrrrrrrr


I do have a suggestion that has helped me alot and Jordan loves and maybe it would work for you. Last year I started a "JORDAN NIGHT" .. On Thursdays no matter what, after dinner I dont get on the computer or do anything but spend time with him for a few hours.. Sometimes we watch TV or play a game.. We always make a special treat in the kitchen right after dinner for later and we both really look forward to that time together now.


What if you tried to do that ? I know with 3 kids its harder but I bet if you sat down with all of them and planned out a "special time" each week to do something just with each of them, it would make a difference in how things go. Maybe 2 hours on Saturday morning to take your oldest "window shopping"; or

*hugs             

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