HAD ENOUGH TRIGGER!!!!

Avatar for ewalsh75
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
HAD ENOUGH TRIGGER!!!!
2
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 12:04pm


I think that I really have had enough right now of it all I feel like I have gone back to the spot where I was a year ago wanting to die (not saying that is what I am going to do) but I feel I dont know tired all of the time like I am taking up space At home I dont even talk to anyone I live with my sister and my roommate Luis. My sister and I talk only when needed which isnt much, I dont speak with Luis at all if he isnt home I will stay on the main level of the house but once he gets home I go into my room which is in the basement pasrt of the house its really big lots of room I have my own entrance t.v. ect but still that has become the place yet again where I run to before I got any meds or went and seached out any help I staying in my room 24/7 I left to go to work and that was it and now here I am back in my room 24/7 alone I really am alone maybe I always have been and just didnt want to face it.

So I have had enough really I have, My pdoc calls me back on friday about me almost attacking my co-worker and the whole anger issues or whatever it is and I tell him how my therapist and I were talking and she said to ask him about the possibility of taking a very small dosage of an anti phycotic just to kinda calm me down he says that my therapist shouldnt worry about my medications but she is concerned and I dont blame her I see her every week so she sees what is going on with me and she is worried.

I am so tired of people asking me everytime I get upset if I am taking my meds my friend dies in september and I cried alot I got upset alot really upset my sister asks if I am taking my meds of course I am taking my meds I dont need to be babysat when it comes to my meds so what I am not aloud to get upset now to have emotions am I supposed to becold all the time, I just feel like that with everyone that is around me that I have to be on eggshells all of the time I cant talk to my sister anymore about what s going on she sees me as being selffish but I dont know what to say to her anymore things are so different between her and I now she almost isnt my sister anymore just my roommate.

Sorry about all of this ladies I hate doing this you know I want so bad to be positive with other to help others to give them something but I dont know what to give anymore I am crying as I write this my arm hurts so bad from them drawing blood from me last wednesday I go to the doctor today for the results , the only good news I have is I dont have any std's which is good very good but other than that there isnt much good going on for me sometimes I think that my sister should have let me die last year that she would have been happier Jakob (my son) would have been happier I really cause only pain hurt agrivation ect with my family I cant remember the last time I made someone laugh or made myself laugh smile whatever.

I need to run, I dont expect any replys I just needed to vent thanks for listening.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 12:16pm
((((((((ERIN)))))))))))

Sweetie, PLEASE hang in there!!!!!! Call your therapist and have her call your doctor NOW! You are SO SO SO SO IMPORTANT!!!!! Huge Hugs for you honey!!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((ERIN))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Traci

~ ML ~  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 1:34pm
i don't have much to offer right now, just wanted to send you some hugs....