HAD ENOUGH TRIGGER!!!!
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| Mon, 11-17-2003 - 12:04pm |
I think that I really have had enough right now of it all I feel like I have gone back to the spot where I was a year ago wanting to die (not saying that is what I am going to do) but I feel I dont know tired all of the time like I am taking up space At home I dont even talk to anyone I live with my sister and my roommate Luis. My sister and I talk only when needed which isnt much, I dont speak with Luis at all if he isnt home I will stay on the main level of the house but once he gets home I go into my room which is in the basement pasrt of the house its really big lots of room I have my own entrance t.v. ect but still that has become the place yet again where I run to before I got any meds or went and seached out any help I staying in my room 24/7 I left to go to work and that was it and now here I am back in my room 24/7 alone I really am alone maybe I always have been and just didnt want to face it.
So I have had enough really I have, My pdoc calls me back on friday about me almost attacking my co-worker and the whole anger issues or whatever it is and I tell him how my therapist and I were talking and she said to ask him about the possibility of taking a very small dosage of an anti phycotic just to kinda calm me down he says that my therapist shouldnt worry about my medications but she is concerned and I dont blame her I see her every week so she sees what is going on with me and she is worried.
I am so tired of people asking me everytime I get upset if I am taking my meds my friend dies in september and I cried alot I got upset alot really upset my sister asks if I am taking my meds of course I am taking my meds I dont need to be babysat when it comes to my meds so what I am not aloud to get upset now to have emotions am I supposed to becold all the time, I just feel like that with everyone that is around me that I have to be on eggshells all of the time I cant talk to my sister anymore about what s going on she sees me as being selffish but I dont know what to say to her anymore things are so different between her and I now she almost isnt my sister anymore just my roommate.
Sorry about all of this ladies I hate doing this you know I want so bad to be positive with other to help others to give them something but I dont know what to give anymore I am crying as I write this my arm hurts so bad from them drawing blood from me last wednesday I go to the doctor today for the results , the only good news I have is I dont have any std's which is good very good but other than that there isnt much good going on for me sometimes I think that my sister should have let me die last year that she would have been happier Jakob (my son) would have been happier I really cause only pain hurt agrivation ect with my family I cant remember the last time I made someone laugh or made myself laugh smile whatever.
I need to run, I dont expect any replys I just needed to vent thanks for listening.
Erin

Sweetie, PLEASE hang in there!!!!!! Call your therapist and have her call your doctor NOW! You are SO SO SO SO IMPORTANT!!!!! Huge Hugs for you honey!!!!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((ERIN))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Traci
~ ML ~![]()