Do you have room for one more lost soul?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Do you have room for one more lost soul?
7
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 5:08pm
I hope you have room for one more. I too have a long story so bear with me. Mine starts from when I was 5 years old until I was 9 years old. My step brother and 3 of his friends sexually abused me. It finally ended when my brother went to live with his real Mom. A real blessing in my life I tell you. A few years later he was killed in a car accident. His friends have all since passed away all from one or another form of cancer. Guess what comes around goes around. It took some time, but I finally forgave my brother. He was only a child at the time and was a victim of abuse himself. Maybe that was his way of having control of something. I was also a victim of child abuse. My ex-step-father used to just beat the crap out of me. He threw me down stairs, smacked me all the time, he put me in a wood stove once. I have a permanant dent in my head from him beating my head into a concrete floor. I can forgive my brother, but will never be able to forgive this man. I was told so often that I would never amount to anything that it has resounded through my life. At the age of 11 I was kicked out of my house by him because he did not like my friends. I had to live an entire summer at our neighbor's house. To be a child and be able to look over at your house and know you can't go in it, words just can't describe the feelings. I too got pregnant when I was 17 years old. I had a different story and got very sick and it was either the baby or me, so my Mom picked me and we had to get rid of the baby. The guilt is still there to this day. She was my first daughter and she would have been 13 years old this year. I did make it though, somehow, through my adolesent years. I went into the military and met my husband of almost 11 years. I went right back into an abusive relationship. I have been physically and verbally abused by this man for so many years. I finally realized lately that this is not a normal way to live. Most people don't have to deal with this. I guess living the type of life in my childhood, you would not know what is or is not normal. I am now trying to find the strength to get out but not such an easy task as we do have two beautiful, energetic children together.

I tried to go to the doctor on Friday for depression. He was not interested in hearing why I was depressed. Told me to get out of my marriage if it was so bad. I wish it were that easy. He was so insensitive to what I have been going through. He would not even let me tell him why. So I am still not on anything to help with depression. I no longer eat. The sight of my husband makes me physically ill. I have not slept in months. I don't want to be around my children. I don't ever leave the house, unless I am with someone else. I won't go out alone.

Life has just dealt me one raw deal after another. When I finally start coming to the realization that I need some help to get me through this, I am denied. Maybe it will help to get this all out there, so I don't deal with it all by myself.

Hope you have room for one more person that could really use people to talk to.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 5:24pm
Oh my gosh sweetie...we always have room for one more!! Even if we didn't, we always make room for everyone!! That's just the nature of the gals here! We love and accept everyone for who they are. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, as it isn't the greatest, but do know we're here for you 100%. Through the good times and the bad times. As far as your doctor goes, FIND ANOTHER ONE!! I know what it's like to stay with a therapist that is absolutely no help, and says that "that's a small problem" or "don't over react" or stupid sayings like that that ARE important! Believe me YOU ARE IMPORTANT and you deserve EXCELLENT help. So, I say find a new therapist/doctor. Because if they can't help you, you never can get better. I too was a victim of domestic violence growing up. It's not fun, and I believe that's where a lot of my depression stems from. So, I'm sure we can relate on a lot of things. As far as your husband goes, I agree somewhat with your doctor, but I know all too well that it's never easy just go "get out." Just know that we are all here for you! We love you lots, and keep your head up!

Trixie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 5:29pm
Hi Steph...

I was/am so heartbroken to read your story.

I don't know what I can offer you other than my friendship :)

I know from years of therapy myself that we do what is familiar.

We go into relationships that we "think" is normal because that is all we know.

And if we came from a bad childhood...well guess what...when we seek out adult relationships we think bad ones are normal...that's all we know :(

It takes alot of strength to break the mold and I commend you on being a good mom for your own children.

What is difficult though is that children who grow up in abusive homes..whether the abuse is aimed at them directly or their mother...it is not a good environment ..and a change needs to happen.

Either you and your Husband go for therapy or you split up.

But I know..easier said than done :(

Is there anywhere you can go with your children for a while to get out of the house and tell your husband things must change?

love...sia

p.s. e-mail me anytime :)

Sia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 5:35pm
Thanks VWtrixy and misstang for the welcome. I do post on a Domestic Support group but it never occured to me that the depression had been building for that long. So I do get things down somewhere of what I go through on a daily basis. I am no longer keeping it bottled up inside me. You just feel like you are going to snap if you do that.

I deal with things in the house as much as I can. However, it is coming to a head and that is why I went to seek medical help. Believe me, I am not taking the word of one insensitive doctor to break me. I have come to far for that to happen. I just have to find another one that takes our insurance.

Thanks for the warm welcome and understanding of what I have been through so far in my life.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 5:41pm

I think there's always room for one more lost soul on these boards.


I'm sorry you've been through so much- the doctor you spoke to sounds like a dork- or at least somebody with very little training and experience in domestic abuse. You need to

Ruth, Single Mom to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 5:53pm
Thanks Ruth. I have already contacted the Domestic Violence Center out here. There is not a whole lot they could do at this time.

I envy you. My entire family is in New York and that is where I want to end up when all this is over. Upstate though, not the city.

Thanks for the warm welcome. I did not even realize how bad my life was until I started writing everything down. Then it really hit me everything that I had gone through and best yet, survived.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 6:07pm
(((Steph)))

Welcome to the board sweetie!

You have gone through so much in your life. You are one heck of a strong person, and through all this you are a great mother. You need a huge pat on the back.

I can't remember who it was that said this in answer to your post, but I have also read that if your children see abuse then they have a greater chance of thinking that that is normal and either doing it or seeking that out.

Please take care and know that I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Mon, 11-17-2003 - 7:44pm
Steph,

Welcome to the boards. I'm sorry your life is so topsy turvy right now. I can DEFINITELY relate. I'm sorry that doctor turned you away. I've been there as well. It's hard to find a good competent doctor, it took me quite a long time, but I can assure you, that they are out there. Keep trying and don't give up. YOU WILL find someone, I promise.

Again, welcome and please come back soon

Christina