mind numbing!!!trigger maybe

Avatar for ewalsh75
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
mind numbing!!!trigger maybe
3
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 11:47am


Question for you all or for anyone who would like to answer

In september my friend dies at the hands of another car I was so devistated and hurt and I hated him for leaving me ect...I cried for a few days and then stoppped is that bad does that mean that I dont care my other friends grieved for so long two of them drinking alot for two weeks straight and I dont know what the others did probably just moved on with their respective lives.

SO Keith dies and I grieve cry the whole nine yards I dont know if I stopped because I knew deep down inside that if I kept crying and kept sad that I would never ever get out of it and I didnt want that, so now I feel so bad I cant stop thinking about it and I look at Keiths picture and I read the eulogy I wrote for him and the peom I wrote down for him and I just cry I miss him so much I really do I wish I could have helped him I will never forget him but I cant get myself to get it all out I am afraid to get it all out.

so now here I am I feel so numb these past few days not just my body but my mind also like things just arent important anymore, I am trying to find my sister a good gift for christmas but I cant seem to find any thing I like for her plus the way that we are now I dont even want to get her anything we dont talk unless we have to i have such a horrible feeling in me and no one to talk to about it that is in reach of me I need to feel something but I feel nothing Luis is still iving in my house and that is making alot of stress cause my sister talks with him but it is like I am not there the only time she talks with me is when she needs me to watch my neice.

I cant stop crying at work I hold it in but otherwise I cant sleep so I take sleeping pills I have no energy at all I work out but that is it cant not do that working out is my top priority so I am alone tired crying numb ect....

The holidays are coming up and I am not a christmas person at all that isnt my holiday I dont celebrate it at all i know sounds so bad but I just dont believe in it but that is just me.

My mind is numb I cant think straight at all its like I ahve to think an rethink everything it sucks.

I am sorry for complaining somuch I am on meds but they arent working at all I need something different or a higher dosage I dont know I tell my pdoc that my therapist thinks I need a combo of something hmy pdoc says that my therapist shouldnt be concerned with my meds so here I am in the middle I dont know what to do what the right thing to do is or how to do it all I know is I feel worse and worse and I am afriad that I am going to go back to the way I was last year really sad really hopeless worthless suicidal ect...and I am so scared I really am.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 12:06pm

There's no "wrong" way to greive- everybody reacts differently. Please don't let yourself feel guilty because you're having a different reaction than some other people are.


If your psychiatrist isn't listening to you, you might want to find another one. Your therapist SHOULD be concerned about your meds because she can tell when you can't cope with the situation on your own. IF your psychiatrist won't listen to your therapist, then I'd find another psychiatrist.


I've found that the fastest way to change doctors was by

Ruth, Single Mom to

 <

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 12:19pm
((((((Erin))))))

Sweetie...I lost an extremely close friend almost four years ago to suicide. I still bawl my head off over his being gone. I know that I have been afraid to deal with it because I don't want to forget him. I love him so much.

Grief is such a weird thing. I don't think there is a "right" way to grieve. Have you checked out the grief message board?

Please take care and feel free to grieve however you want. I wrote an email about Ashley the other day and a few people responded and it felt so good to be able to talk about him. I always feel like nobody is willing to talk about Ashley with me.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 12:29pm
(((((((((((((((ERIN))))))))))))))) - Sweetie, grief is a process that has to be gone through at your own pace and in your own way. Just because someone turned to the bottle to grieve doesn't mean that this is what you should do. Or, someone else was able to say goodbye at the service and be done with it. Different people grieve in different ways. If you are still crying, that just means a little more is ready to "come out." This is NOT a bad thing. At YOUR own pace in YOUR own way! If it matters to YOU then it MATTERS! Remember that. You are important and you matter. These are the keys hon.

As far as your pdoc and therapist go, I still want to urge you to have your therapist call your doc. Insist on it! You need to get your meds straightened out.

Hang in there sweetie! (((((((((((ERIN))))))))))))

Foggy