Just need support I guess....(trig/rant)

Avatar for karenmrh
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Just need support I guess....(trig/rant)
8
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 2:57pm
...'cause there's nothing anybody can do....

My husband has really messed up in Korea (US Army), and he may go to confinement (jail). I think he may have married someone else (bigamy) or gotten them pregnant or something like that. He is trying to divorce me (and I'll lose medical care). Replacing the medical for me would average $400 per month, through my employer.

There seems to be a good chance that the convening authority (judge) will not take us into and that means no child support, no medical care for all of us. The med care for all of us would average $800 a month, more if I used a kind of military COBRA system (similar to Tricare Standard).

I earn too much for any kind of help (and this is definite). Of course everything goes to the bills (daycare, gas, utilities, mortgage, food) and I only have at any one time about a paycheck's worth in savings. No credit cards, only a small car payment. I cannot afford an apartment here (Northern Va).

My brother will probably be dead in the next year, and my Gran'ma the same. I have no mother, no father, and effectively no husband. I get along with my sis great, but her life is only a little better than mine.

I am just so trapped and I could be homeless in the next 3 months or so.

They think my oldest might be Bipolar. My meds don't have my symptoms under control. I am suicidal nearly all the time, except when I'm a giddy manic. My youngest is doing a good impression, too. But that's all in my head - it's normal to threaten to kill yourself at 9 yrs old (and say she hates me 20 times a day), and for the younger, to run around screaming, like she has extra batteries ALL the time. It's because I don't discipline them right, or because they are picking up on the stress in the house or because I have a mental illness - the stress of that is causing them to be mentally ill too.....add your own ideas here...Basically it's my fault and they are really normal.

No one seems to get that I am in the abyss, can you imagine being suicidal since 8 years old? My aunt last night basically said how my brother's disibilities (brain & motor function damage & Kidney Disease) are not under his control, but I can control my disease - so I am better off. I should be sympathetic and helpful to a 26 year old arrogant layabout, who won't take care of himself! He has control over a lot, like his diet - he has even refused dialysis and won't put himself on the transplant list.

But I can take it all. I'm screaming here inside, but I can bare all this. When I was 14, my Aunt told me to take care of my Mom, 'cause she knew even then that my Mom was a drunk. When is someone gonna take care of me? I begged for someone to take me so I could get away from my Mom's drunken rampages, and beatings....but I was lying. And besides I had already been committed to the looney bin once, that made everthing suspect.

No one ever wanted me. And I was a twisted kid from the beginning.

Hugs,

KarenMRH

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 3:37pm
Hi hon. (((((((HUGS)))))))

I am prior service myself, and did work in the legal office for a time so maybe I can help you a bit here. Or atleast give you a little piece of mind.

I would suggest you get in touch with his First Sergent or equivelent. I was Air Force, not Army, so don't know all their ranking systems as they are different than ours. If you are still married and have children, you are still entitled to the military insurance until you are divorced. Even after your divorce is final, he is still supposed to keep his children on the medical insurance as they are his dependents. If he is trying to get out of doing that, then you need to contact his first sergeant. Even if he is stationed over seas on a remote tour, there are still numbers you can call. If you are anywhere near a base, call and ask the operator to dial the DSN number for you, explain your situation. She should be willing to do it if you explain what you are going through. You can look online for the numbers for the base your husband is currently stationed at. The military is an organization with many flaws, your husband seems to be the poster child for that. Don't let him deprive you or your children of medical care. If he messed up and ends up going to jail, there still may be things you can do to protect yourself and your children. I would see if you are allowed to use the military walk ins for the legal office and find out what your rights are as far as what is going on with your husband.

Hope this helps or atleast gives you some ideas on what you are still entitled to.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 3:58pm
(((Karen)))

I don't know what to say as I don't really know anything about American insurance and army stuff either.

BUT....I am sending you loads of hugs and I want you to know that I am thinking of you.

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 4:14pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Sweetie, again I am left wishing for a magic wand to make things better and I don't have one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 5:10pm
{{{{{{{{{Karen}}}}}}}}}}} All I can offer right now is hugs, I hope it helps some.

Take care of yourself {{{{{{Karen}}}}}}

Hugs,

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 5:44pm
Karen

big hugs to you sweety

I wish I had some words to give you to help with the insurance thing but never had to deal with the armed forces at all.

As for the whole you can handle it you are not your brother thing that is not cool in my book what so ever thiings like that dont fly with me at all.

what is it with your aunt why is she evil towards you?

Okay your brother is sick that is fine but has he made any effort what so ever to help himself get better from what you said the answer is no a big NO

and I am sorry to hear about your grandma I really am it seems that you have way too many negative people in your life right now and I am sure that is of no help to you.

I am sorry to hear that your husband has put you through all that you are going through with him right now you dont deserve that at all.

As for the whole your brother cant control it but you can that is such a crock of crap if that was the case than none of us would be here on this board right now, there would be no suicide we would all be happy little people with big smiles on our faces all of the time.

so anyways I know I have probably caused more hurrt than help and I am sorry if I did but I am on eof those people that once the ball gets rolling with me Ifind it so hard to stop it sorry.

Good luck sweety sending you hugs and love and lots of good luck your way.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 6:12pm

{{{{{{{{{{Karen}}}}}}}}}}, what a dreadful person your husband is!

 

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Avatar for karenmrh
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 7:24pm
Thank you so much.....it helps to know that people care 'specially when everyone else in my life seems like they don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 7:43pm
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((KAREN))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sweetie, I can't add much to what everyone else has already offered. I really wish I could though. Know that we are here for you and that you are important to all of us!!! And you matter!!!!!!!!! I think Steph will be a good source of info for you. I was in the army many years ago, but when I got out, I left it ALL behind me! But, I agree in that at the very least your children are entitled to support and insurance. You hang in there honey! Post as often as you feel like. Face each moment as it comes, be it a minute, an hour or a day at a time. We're here to help you along.

Peace, Love & Light,

Foggy