THE WILL IS GONE SORRY TO ALL (TRIGGS)
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THE WILL IS GONE SORRY TO ALL (TRIGGS)
| Tue, 11-18-2003 - 8:21pm |
I have totally lost the will to go on and it looks like I will be putting my plan into action sooner then I had intended. Hans called me today. He knows about the police incident and he knows that I cut again. He told me I signed a safety contract to call him before cutting and I didn't follow through. I told him I won't go see him tomorrow if he is going to put me in the hospital. He said tonight before I see him tomorrow that I need to think about what I can do to keep me out of the hospital. He said I still have suicidal ideation and that I am still cutting. I said don't make me stop cutting right now as I am in to much emotional pain. Either I stop or in the hospital I go. My will to carry on is just gone and the only way I know I am alive is by cutting. I came out to my parent's today and decided to spend the night. Well, I told gram about the cutting and what happened yesterday with the police and she so kindly told me she gives up on me and that my therapists are doing nothing for me. I thought I would always have gram and now it has been proven that yea people care about me but that I am the burden that will never get better and I haven't been much help here either lately just complaining as gram puts it. I can no longer do this and so I say goodbye. Hope you all can beat this disease because it has beaten me. Love and Hugs Andrea

Sweetie, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!! You are NOT a burden to anyone!!! Please call 911 right NOW! YOU ARE IMPORTANT and YOU MATTER!!!! We all want you to get better and KNOW you CAN! Sweetie, HOLD ON! Call someone NOW! You are able right now to get the help that you DESERVE and need. Hon, that is what we all want for you right now.
Peace, Love & Light,
Traci
I'm Sia...and I know all too well how you are feeling. I don't know about the cutting, but I did know someone who did that for quite awhile.
I don't know your story... I don't know who Hans is in your life...but if you have some time... I would like to know more about you and your situation.
For me, I have been on so many different meds...and I'm one of the lucky ones who experiences all the ill side effects :(
So for now after alot of sadness and therapy and just trying a little each day to do one thing... I am at a place where I can function. I take klonopin every night to help keep panic/anxiety attacks away...but at times they still break through. But fortunately they haven't been real bad ...at least not yet.
I see from your profile that we like alot of the same type of movies and tv shows.
In the fall and winter months I really depend on these shows to help me get through the night and give me something to look forward to during the day when I feel too paralyzed to do much else.
I don't have any real-life friends anymore... I didn't have alot... but one gal, we have been friends since we were 16 and went through the war together and back.... so-to-speak...anyway...after 33 years!!!! she doesn't talk to me anymore... very long story and if anyone is interseted I will tell it but I have to have the emotional energy for it...
Anyway...my loneliness just about kills me.... the phone never rings for me..the door never knocks for me.... I never go out shopping with a friend or out to lunch or anything that we as women like and need to do.
You can e-mail me if you like.
I would really love to have a friend.
love...sia
Sia
IT HAS NOT BEATEN YOU!
please, you can talk to me. if you want my phone number, i will give it to you and you can call me. there were so many people that gave up on me, that told me i was hopeless. actually, there was a point where everyone had given up on me including my mom- who had been the last one believing in me. and i am beating it.
i promise you (and i have to believe something and truly know it is possible before i promise) if you try then you WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
Andrea
please sweety do not go thru with this plan that you have you are worth it you are loved you are not a burdon what so ever.
Sometimes when people feel that there is nothing that they can do and they feel helpless they say things that are not meant, I hear it from my family all the time.
Sweety please go see hans, I know that you dont want to go into the hospital but cutting isnt good at all, ya you feel that it makes you feel alive it takes away from the other pains that you feel but hans is only trying to do what is best for you he wants you to get better he wants you to live....we want you to live
I say this all the time but you are making a decision that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I think about it when I get really bad but I think about thepeople who love me and I think about my son who is my purpose for living and I tak myself out of it trust me it is hard but I have to stay alive for my baby.
I went into the hospital last year it sucked but you know what it helped I saw peolpe that were really bad off people that were forgotten I heard people screaming one lady growled at me all the time another screamed and cried all the time and seeing that made me open up my eyes and see that I have to fight I have to live and it is hard but I am trying hard to make it.
Please go see hans let him help you the best way he knows how sweety do it for you there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you there is a life for you there is happiness for you just fight and you will find it i promise. this disease has not beaten you not at all it will not beat you ever you will beat it.
Erin
HUN!
I think sometimes we all just say things out of frustration that dont come out the way we mean it.. I'm sure your Gram still love you very much!! Please let Hans help you hun..
We all Care very much!
*hugs
*hugs
I'm just bumping this up.
CL for The