Need some reassurance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Need some reassurance?
6
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 9:52pm
Hi again,

Most of you know me by my signature "Peace, Love & Light". I had to change my member name unexpectedly today. Anyway, this is the eve of my long awaited appointment. I've been like an emotional yo-yo all day. I've gone from anxiety attacks to calm and back again.

Tonight, my 10yo DD told me about a presentation they're doing tomorrow at school between 1 and 2 and that she really wanted me to go. My appointment is at 12:30. I had to tell her that I just couldn't make it. The look on her face was more than I could handle. But, I stood by my decision.

Tomorrow, I will spend 2-3 hours sitting in an office spilling my guts to people who are going to tell me there's nothing I can do about my situation, as I have been told before. Meanwhile, my DD will be giving a presentation that I will not be able to attend because I have this appointment. I guess at some very VERY deep level there is a single shred of hope that my previous dealings with the emergency service unit won't bear on the outcome of tomorrow's meeting.

Then, my father called with a shopping list that he "needs" filled before 3:30. Which, by itself, is manageable. Then, mother puts in her "list", and I'm wondering if this appointment is even going to happen.

I guess I just need to hear something other than the voice within. Thanks for listening.

Foggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 10:04pm
(((Foggy)))

Why do you think that tomorrow's meeting won't go good? Please keep an open mind, maybe things will work out.

Please take care

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 10:45pm
Pamela,

Thanks for the reply. The reason I feel like it won't go good is because when I went in there 3 weeks ago for an emergency appointment the therapist told me there was nothing I could do about my situation and that if I didn't start eating twice a day they could put me in the hospital for inpatient treatment. Well, my situation hasn't changed, and according to that therapist, won't. I've lost an additional 14 pounds in the past 3 weeks, and if what the therapist said was true, I'm heading for hospitalization. I've tried to eat, but I just can't force myself to do it. There have been 2 days over the past month where I have just binged with food. Couldn't get enough to eat. But the rest of the time the appetite was just non-existent. I was told today that right now I make a toothpick look fat. Not exactly words of encouragement but I guess the truth. If I get thrown in the hospital, I stand to lose custody of my kids. My ex has enough firepower to use this against me. If I lose them, I lose my will to go on. They are all I have left that gives me purpose. Anyway, hope that answers your question.

Foggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 10:59pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((Sweetie, ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I am sending up prayers and postive thoughts and sending you a guardian angel to hold you close all day tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 12:11am
Trac,

Thank you for your post. It made me feel a little easier about my decision. My mother tried to lay a guilt trip on me, right after I wrote this post in fact, about how I should be there, but since I was "otherwise obligated" she would go. This is the one who just got out of a nursing facility with a broken foot. WHole other post coming from that one. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you. I read your reply after the guilt trip so that really helped.

Peace, Love & Light,

Foggy "T"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 12:35am
Foggy,

I'm so sorry you're in such a bad place right now. I agree with Trac that there is nothing to feel guilty about...you need to do at least this minimum, making it to your appointment, to take care of yourself so you can be around for your kids, and so you can feel better just because you deserve to feel better.

I don't think what the therapist at your last emergency visit said was right or helpful...you are by no means past help, you just need some real guidance and support to start on a path to recovery. It does seem like your habit of not eating, and your rapid weight loss, is dangerous...do you think it's more a psychological issue of not wanting to gain weight, or just a physical loss of appetite?

If it's the latter, have you thought about trying to drink something like Ensure or Boost, those supplement drinks? I had to do that for a while when I didn't feel like eating because of a medical problem. It's not the same as meals, but it can at least keep you going. I'm really worried about you, your physical condition as well as your mental state...if there was any way I could get you to begin eating and feeling better, I would.

But know that I'm thinking of you, and sending hopeful thoughts for your meeting tomorrow.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 12:40am
I just wanted to add one more thing, Foggy...in my experience, doctors and other workers in emergency departments have been less understanding, and somehow rougher, in their dealings with me than have "regular" ones. I know this is a generalization, and probably doesn't hold up in many cases...but I imagine that the ER doctors see so many horrible things that they become somewhat desensitized.

So what I am trying to say is that there is a good chance that your therapist tomorrow won't be as harsh as the last one...at least I really hope she's not. You deserve to feel so much better, and to be mentally and physically healthy.

Rose