First, let me start with the "positive" of today..........I didn't get put in the hospital That much I understood, accepted and was relieved. However, despite that, I left that office feeling more confused and even more hopeless. I personally didn't think this was possible, but I was wrong. I've been put on yet ANOTHER waiting list for a therapist. The person I met with today is just my "case manager" whatever that means! By some minor miracle I was able to get an appointment with my pdoc in 2 weeks. Which is better than what Iwas anticipating. The cm was sitting there talking to me and I "heard" very little of what she said. At the end of the meeting she asked if I understood everything we had discussed. I was honest, if nothing else. I told her I'd probably have to have it all repeated to me as it all started to register. She's signed me up for a group that starts next week meeting 2x/wk for 7 wks. So, I guess we'll see what happens. I don't do well in "group" settings. I've attended a 12-step group for 4 yrs and most of the time I just sit in there and listen, because I can't talk in front of a lot of people. But then, I can come here and put a post out there for who knows how many people to read. Go figure. I guess I'm not "looking" at all of you?
Anyway, one of the things that I did "hear" from the cm was that the therapy is going to be "exhausting work". Ladies, did I REALLY NEED to hear THAT?!?!?!? I haven't slept in a month, I AM exhausted and now I have MORE exhaustion to look forward to? This is where the hopelessness is worse now than it was 5 hours ago. I don't have the strength for any more fighting. I told her that I just don't see a positive outcome to this. She asked that I give it a chance. Well, with the threat of hospitalization looming over my head, I told her I would. Anything else, I wouldn't be here right now, I'd be in a hospital somewhere. I just don't know where to find the energy for this "exhausting work". I'm already tapped out.
Thanks for listening and being so supportive over the recent weeks. I really appreciate it.
Foggy
T
(((((((((((((((((FOGGY))))))))))))))))))
Just wanted to give you a hug and let you know Im sending support. Its unfortunate that your CM used the word exhausting when perhaps something like intense or worthwhile would have been a better choice..
I do know that when I finally took the bull by the horns so to speak, and gave in and actually tried the work my T. gave me,, it Was hard but it was SOO worth it too..
And my suggestion for group therapy is dont worry about saying alot at first.. Just listen but if you
*hugs
I just want you to know that the system can be extremely frustrating and slow. Kinda like going to the emergency room nowadays. Please try to hang in there. I want you to know I'm routing for you. Also many of the group seem extra down as of late and I do believe the change of seasons can play a big part especially the lack of sunlight can bum anyone out. Hold on for now because I'm thinking of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~a friend amy~~~~~~~~
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Foggy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Just goes to show you, even people trained in the use of words can make a mistake.
And for the group therapy, it might be a good thing to listen to other people. Don't say anything if you don't want to. Just listening might help.
Hugs to you.......Ilka
never heard it coined like that before not a very cool thing to do in my book usage of other words would have been better but thats just me and I am sure that you would agree.
It isnt going to be exhausting at all it is going to be so worthwhile and you will see that after just a few sessions that you will notice that you will begin to feel better and better each time you 'll see just give yourself alot more credit than you are right now.
Remember that you are atrong wothwhile an awesome person who has a big huge heart who keeps people like me in check and helps us fight the good fight you are stronger than you know you really are and I am blessed and lucky to know you and I thank god for all of you on this board bug foggy remember that you are worth it sweety and keep up the good work
Erin
(((((Foggy))))), one thing that might help for you to remember is that the other people in the group are all going through the same things you are.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>
CL-ladybug987
Thank you all for your encouragement, support and input. It sure does help to know I'm not "alone". I guess I just don't know enough about this group therapy thing. I've always had individual therapy in the past. But, for right now, it's the closest thing I've got to a therapist, so I'm going for it! So, again, thank you all! Now, I'm going to go see if getting today behind me might actually help in the sleep department. Please oh please oh please!!!!! :-) I'll let you know!
Peace, Love & Light,
Foggy
T