What's happening to me?! (poss. trigs)
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| Wed, 11-19-2003 - 4:05pm |
I just got back from an appointment with my therapist...the one hour scheduled turned into two because she was concerned for my safety. We ended up making a schedule of things to keep me occupied until I go home to my parents' this weekend...though I haven't kept to the schedule yet much...and I am supposed to call to check in with one of her colleagues tomorrow and the next day (she's going out of town this week, what great timing!).
But one thing she did say stuck with me...when I mentioned my worry that I might be bipolar, she said (in a very kind voice, so I'm not mad at her or anything) "I can tell you, you're not bipolar." Granted, she is "just" a graduate student and not yet a psychologist...but still, I guess she is probably right...as she said, I should stop trying to find some disorder that will explain how I'm feeling...and just let myself feel what I'm feeling...though I worry if I do that, I'll end up feeling even worse!
Anyway, sorry to focus on myself so much...I will try to come back and answer other people's posts. But right now, I just want to be with someone, anyone, who can help me ride out this scary storm...but I don't have anyone...I'm all alone in my apartment, with no friends or support system (besides my therapist). I feel like I can't bear this, like I'm completely losing my sanity, and I don't know what's going on...I'm just so scared... what is happenening to me?!
I guess I will go try to run an errand or two to distract myself...
Sorry once again, hope you all are doing better than I am,
Rose

ROSE!
Im glad I read at the bottom of your post that you were going out for a bit .. I was going to suggest trying to be around people even if it was just the library or something.
Most of all I just want you to know that you are NOT ALONE.. Even if its just "cyberspace" Im here with you thru this.. ((((((((((((((((((ROSA)))))))))))))))))))))
Sending comfort and support,
*hugs
*hugs
Rose, Caly is so right! You are NOT alone! You have everyone on this board. We are all here for you. I met with my "therapist/cm" today as well. She asked me who I could go to see/call for support. I looked at her and asked her if she was joking. I told her I had friends on the internet, referring mainly to this board. I know the feelings only too well. So I am offering you huge cyber hugs right now, as you have done for me so many times before.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ROSE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ROSE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ROSE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ROSE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hang in there sweetie!
Peace, Love & Light,
Foggy
T
I know where you are right now I have been there on more than one occasion myself actually in any given week I could be there two or three times it depends on things and my enviroment.
I was diagnosed as having cyclothymic disorder which is a less severe form of bipolar disorder but it is a constant thing unlike bipolar I am never free of symptoms I am eather up down or mixed with short periods of normailcy which never lasts.
Your therapist was right though about trying to not find something to label yourself with it really isnt worth it in the long run cause then you or at least I sit here and wonder if people know what is wrong with me that I have a stamp on my forehead saying what is wrong with me I know I dont but sometimes I think I do by the way I get looked at and it isnt cause I am absolutly beautiful it is the way act at times but I am starting to live with it okay not good but okay.
Maybe look up on the net the disorder that I have talk to your therapist about it usually they dont like to give you a label so ask your pdoc what he thinks.
I just wanted to give some input cause you are describing how I get I dont hurt myself I just do dumb stuff unsafe sex almost attacked a co-worker fighting with my sister and roommate screaming at the top of my lungs at people going off on strangers just because they did something I didnt like ect.. I could go on for years but I wont.
take care sweety let me know what happens.
Erin
Rose
Thanks again,
Rose