*triggers*
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| Thu, 11-20-2003 - 4:11pm |
STBX will basically abandon our kids and/or go to jail.
I will not enough money to have medical care, I stoke out from the HBP, or get Kidney disease (and this is a distinct possibility).
Or we all lose benefits - no medical for any of us, or a job or a home. Can't get new benefits on the dole immediately - maybe my older daughter starts having asthma attacks, or can't take her psycho-meds or my younger gets severe eczema again.
But until that possibility, while I am paying the premiums, I have very good life insurance and the house'll be paid off too.
My STBX and his new love take the kids or if he still doesn't want them my sister will take them. They will have a home and medical care and reasonably healthy caregivers.
I just can't seem to get around it. The only thing is that it has to be an accident.
I want to cut so much I can barely stop myself, and I am so tired of trying to survive when the world truly doesn't want me too. I just another fat, ugly, woman no one wants. Even if I had time to date no one wants me. I will never have a life. And I will die like my Mom, painfully, with people saying why didn't she stop being self-destructive? The answer is 'cause she died a long time ago. She only stayed alive long enough to see her kids off.
Despite my best efforts my life is like my Mom's.
And by tomorrow or maybe even tonight I'll either be this giddy manic or a screaming nut full of rage, p & vinegar.
This is no way for someone to live. And yes I take the stupid meds just like they want me to. I'm on 4 meds now. For my trouble I get side effects and lovely mixed and manic states added to my mind numbing depression.
Hugs,
KarenMRH

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Karen)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I told you last night as long as all you do it think about it, I wouldn't get upset.
Please just hang on. Things have to get better. I am sending you some angels to watch over you.
I am thinking of you and sending you massive hugs.
Pamela