Realized something..
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Realized something..
| Fri, 11-21-2003 - 12:10am |
I was walking into the grocery store when it hit me...I'm going to be walking into grocery stores alone for the rest of my life. And doing laundry for one. And cooking for one.



(((((((((((((((((((((Sweetie)))))))))))))))))
You won't necessarily be going to the grocery store alone for the rest of your life.
Hello Jenn. I am so sorry...I'm not sure that I'm reading your message right. Either someone you loved dearly passed away, you are feeling unloved, are very lonely, and/or need some loving hugs.
I am probably not the best of help right now being that I am a manic-depressive little spazoid. But! There is surely hope!
You sure sound like a beautiful person. A writer. How fantastic. And so generous and warmhearted! You are a Cancer: sympathetic, intuitive, imaginative, loving, funny, and emotional-much to be proud of! Here's another little tidbit about Cancers:
"they are often more open to psychic influence than the average. If they can reconcile the personal conflict of their urge to be outgoing with the reserve that causes them to withdraw into themselves, then at best they can inspire a generation, especially the youthful part of it, by their idealism."
and here's the link to that
http://www.astrology-online.com/cancer.htm
Anyhoo...I just wanted to leave you with a great big bear hug. I am not quite sure what has happened in your life...and I wish I could offer more support. Though you feel so alone right now, you are strong to pull through. These trials that you face can only make you strong. Darkness has a way with people. It digs into the soul and rips out any trace of light. Happiness. Or hope. But then, we live. We push on. Time heals. Tommorrow grows brighter with every passing day. And then, when someone else falls; we know right where they are. We've been there. Felt that pain. We are able to lift them up and show them that light does exist. And with that, we leave a legacy that cannot be destroyed. History in the making.
You are beautiful beautiful beautiful Jennbird. You have purpose and meaning. And there is hope ahead. Again, here are my hugs!!
Love,
Rose
Hon, I'm not entirely sure of your situation but I know the loneliness. I would like to share with you something that happened to me very recently. I was very much where you are, I have been on my own for 4 years now. I tried getting back into the dating thing 3 years ago but it was just too soon. I still had too much baggage from my ex. So, I backed off. For the past few years, I have not even once considered that there was still someone out there for me. In fact, I was convinced quite the opposite was true! I have HUGE self-esteem issues:-( About 2 months ago, before my depression decided to come back, a friend of mine convinced me to try one of these dating service things. Of course I was like "Yeah, Sure, someone would want a 37 yo divorced mother of 3. NOT" But, I gave it a try. And, although we haven't met face to face yet, I did meet someone. We have been exchanging e-mails this entire time getting to know one another and just this past Tuesday, he called for the first time. The funny thing about this is, this guy lives less than 1 mile from me and has since I moved here in 1980!!!!!!!!! Now, I don't know what, if anything, will come of this. The fact that my depression is so out of control makes me leary to really go any further at this point, but the same friend who told me to try this has also said that it can't hurt just to meet him.
My point here is (Yes, there is one;-) ) I've been told by many people over the years that there IS someone out there that we are "destined" to share the rest of our lives with, who will make us happy and treat us with love, kindness and respect. And, for al the years I've heard this, I've always thought "nope, not me" UNTIL 2 months ago. Don't give up hon. There IS someone out there for you. Whether your loss was someone passing away or a relationship coming to an end, once you heal from that (and YOU WILL)you will find that special someone to walk through life with.
I hope this helps a little. You hang in there hon! You are a very special lady indeed!
Peace, Love & Light,
Foggy
I hear ya girl. I sometimes feel the way you are feeling, too. But then other days I feel that I am glad that I didn't stay with my ex because I deserve better.
So keep your head up, things are going the way they are supposed to. Things will work out for ya, I can FEEL it.
I am sending you hugs.
Pamela
Have you broken up with the boyfriend that lives long distance?
Is it because of your parents divorce and your father's inadequacies?
Have you thought about reframing the situation of shopping alone? I had to do this and I am married....so even if you don't live alone, you might have to shop, eat most meals, watch T.V., etc, alone. Let's reframe by thinking:
"Since I don't have to take into consideration anyone elses food choices, I can spend my budget on the things that I want to eat. I don't have to get it all in one day, I can shop each day if I want to. If I feel like fish and chips for dinner....so be it, I can have it. If I feel like mashed potatoes with chocolate syrup on top....so be it, I can have it. I can eat at my desk, in front of the t.v. at the kitchen table with my best dishes, whatever. I can do whatever I want........at least for now. Because, I may meet someone in the grocery store who is buying potatoes and chocolate syrup, and start talking to him....we may agree to meet again tomorrow night at the store to see if we have more in common. Who knows where that will lead??? And I may not be able to shop just for myself after that.....so, I better enjoy this time while I can. By the way...is that a Starbucks??? Humm, sounds good and I have just enough money left for one mocha frappachino!! At least for now."
Leave your mother and father's lives to them. Enjoy your own. You can't "fix" them. Start concentrating on your strengths. You don't have to listen to your father's verbal abuse anymore.....unless YOU choose. If you want to acknowledge him...do so because YOU choose to and don't expect any response from him....after all, you are doing it because you want to, it feels like the right thing to do. If you have learned anything from him....you have learned it in reverse....how not to be. Take back your power. Start taking care of jennbird and start enjoying the unique person that you alone are...then you'll be ready to share.
Blessings
Jenn,
I agree with foggy there is someone out there for you just like there is someone out there for me and you will not go into the grocery store or do laundry for one the rest of your life thats not possible wait you will see.
I cant relate to the grocery store thing cause to be honest I dont go to one I only go like every 2 months to buy dog food and that is it laundry I live with my sister neice and roommate so there is always someones elses before mine.
But that isnt the point you will nt be alone there is always someone else out there waiting for you.
Erin
I'm positive you won't be doing things alone for the rest of your life. You're still so young!! I heard on the news yesterday that the average age for women to marry now is 32, and it's 35 for men. And that's AVERAGE so there's plenty who marry later! I know it was a comfort to me, especially seeing as my grand plan as a kid was to be married at 25. Um, not gonna happen. Maybe you can relate to that...you had a "plan" when you were a child and it's not happening the way you had wanted. I don't think it does for anyone.
I know that it sucks to be single sometimes. Heck, I've been dealing with that lately too. I'm at a point where, in the words of my best friend, I want "a boy to call my own." Like you, I'm tired of spending my evenings alone and shopping alone and doing pretty much everything alone. There's not even any prospects on the horizon. When I do the math, I'll be turning 24 in four months and by the time that happens I will have spent 22.5 years of my life single. That's a lot of Me Time! :-|
When I find myself sliding into that "omigod I'm going to be single forever" mindset, I think of all that things that are GOOD about it. Sure, I'm buying my groceries alone, but I can buy whatever I want and don't have to buy things that I know I'll never eat, stocking up instead on Ben & Jerry's! Or on the laundry front, think of how you don't have to wash dingy ripped & stained t-shirts that guys seem to have a strange attachment to, or find your favorite skirt shrunk to a Cabbage Patch Doll size when you leave the laundry up to your boyfriend. Don't get the idea that I never sink into the pits of woe and self-pity about being single, but I've become good at looking at the bright side after (literally) years of training.
I dunno. I guess I just find that when I'm LOOKING for a guy I never find him, but when I least expect it someone shows up. And hey, you just might meet him at the grocery store!
Love & Hugs,
Rebecca