whats wrong with me????????????????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
whats wrong with me????????????????????
2
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 10:18am


I am gonna try to make this one short.

you see I am not used to having any calm in my life at all I always need something going on and my life really never is calm anyways.

So anyways at therapy Marnie told me that my anger doesnt seem as bad as last week which is kinda true so anyways there is always drama in my life.

I cut the heck out of myself yesterday I am not a cutter this isnt something that I have done before so I have these razor blades at work that the guys used to do small work on the cars pinstripes ect.....

So I was sitting there thinking about stuff money my son how yet again I wont spend Christmas with him, and a bunch of other things I find myself putting the razor to my left arm and just running it all ofver the place blood dripping on the floor so now my arm is messed up I have to hide it and it didnt hurt one bit that is the messed up thing I didnt feel it not until today in the shower so my friend Tommy saw it last night lied said it happened on a car that I was looking at he didnt buy it I know that much.

So how screwed up am I really why do I do these things to myself first druge sex drinking suicide attempt now this crap why is my head so messed up I just dont get it I really dont I give up I really give up this time.

Thank you for listening

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:11am
((((Erin))))

Have you spoken to Marnie about this? I don't want you to seriously hurt yourself.

Did you read my post about what I do to myself? When I have scabs, I constantly pick them off. It's a way of letting out all the pain that is inside. Actually, it is a Native culture to cut yourself when you are grieving. But that doesn't mean it is okay, I guess.

Please take care Erin. You can email me if you'd like to chat, sweetie. serenitycouragewisdom@hotmail.com

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 2:29pm
Your story sounds familiar. I would like to ask you to talk with your therapist about Borderline Personality Disorder. In the meantime there are many good sites, boards, and chats that center on this topic. Here is one to get you started: http://www.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html

There is hope and there is a reason you are doing what you do. Please check it out if for no other reason, to eliminate the possibility. Many invisible illnesses are only diagnosed by the process of elimination.

Blessings.