Not so good...triggers maybe

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Not so good...triggers maybe
5
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 12:57pm
Hey all. I'm still feeling terrible, and this round of downs is not going so hot. This is the worst that I've ever felt this way in a long time. I just feel like everything is going wrong and I don't know how to fix it all. I've really screwed up. I don't know if I can fix everything. On top of it all things at work are terrible. I'm ready to quit. I hate dealing with all the politics and other crap from my student's parents. I don't know how much longer I can hang in there. I used to be able to count on my ex to help me through it as he's the only person that really was any help to me, and knew about my depression besides all of you. I really want to tell my friend, and hopefully he'll help me through it, but I am afraid that he'll judge me or look at me in a different way. You all know how that goes. It's so bad that I don't even want to go out at night with friends anymore. Every night I get home from work and I head into my room and close my door. I don't have any contact with the roommates. I don't want it. The only person that I actually talk to is my one friend Karl (the one I want to tell). Right now though he's going through a rough time too, so I don't want to burden him with my problems. I just feel like life is not fair, and I don't know how I can fix it. I hate myself. I'm so glad I only have a three day week next week. I don't know how I can make it through. It totally sucks. I want to give up.

Trix

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 3:13pm
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TRIX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sweetie!!!!! I understand how you are feeling. I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now. We are all here for you honey! Please hold on and know that it will get better! I wish I could make it all better for you right now. But please remember that you are a very special person and loved by so many people. You will make it. Like Trac says it's baby steps. Take it one day, hour, minute at a time. Focus on YOU! Do something for yourself. I know you don't feel like it, but it really does make a difference even if you have to force yourself to do it. Today I took half the day off from work because I had to take my dad to the doctor. The weather was absolutely gorgeous so after his appt I came home and washed my truck. Sounds like work, but it's something I enjoy doing and BOY did it NEED to be done! But take a bubble bath, or go rent a movie, something it doesn't have to be "big". Sweetie, we want you to get through this and we will help you get through this. Just keep posting so we can encourage you and support you through this time.

And in case the first bunch of hugs is starting to wear off, here's some more for you:-)

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TRIX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TRIX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TRIX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TRIX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TRIX)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there honey!!!! We love you!!!!!!!!!

Peace, Love & Light,

Foggy

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 5:01pm
(((((Erin))))) I can sympathize. I finally got a job and I still feel like a failure. It is part of the horrid illness. It pulls you down and tries to crush you. But we won't let it get to you. Even if I don't feel good myself I can tell you that I won't let it get you!!! I am much stronger for friends than I am for myself.

Please know that I am here for you.

Maybe we will talk online soon.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 5:39pm




i AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT WORK BEING SUCH CRAP FOR YOU RIGHT NOW i AM NOT TOO SURE WHICH TYPE OF TEACHER YOU ARE OR WHAT GRADE YOU ARE IN BUT I KNOW FROM MY FRIENDS THAT ARE TEACHERS THEY SAY THAT IT IS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST JOBS THEY HAVE EVER HAD.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ROOMMATES AND JUST GOING INTO YOUR ROOM WHEN I AM AT HOME I STAY IN MY ROOM DOOR CLOSED DONT WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE I USUALLY JUST WATCH T.V AND WORK OUT, BUT I DO END UP GOING OUT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK I HAVE TO IN ORDER TO KEEP A LITTLE SANITY ABOUT ME BUT THAT ALL HAS TO CHANGE CAUSE I JUST KEEP GETTING INTO MORE AND MORE TROUBLE WITH EACH TIME THAT I AM OUT AND ABOUT

I AM SENDING YOU HUGS I HOPE THAT THEY MAKE YOU FEE BETTER

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2000
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 9:50pm
Trix,

Sorry to hear the parents are overwhelming you. I know that jobs sometimes after you have been there awhile can drain you. Trix how long have you worked at a school because with your skills maybe a change to a hospitol setting or might help if their is potential for a job there. I mean sometimes after awhile we do need a change. I am a nurse and after working 17 years in hospitol via nursing home setting I had to walk away due to burn out but now I work in a clinic at a college per-diem and love it.

You see I was afraid to change my job because it was secure and had benefits but it also caused my panic anxiety disorder. I tried to hard to keep everyone happy. At any rate you need to know you do have a friend here and if you need to vent I am here.~~~~~~~~~~~~~Amy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A friend~~~~~~~~~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 1:13am
Trixie...not sure what to say except I love you!! Hang in there...*huuuuugs*