I Can't Control my Weight

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
I Can't Control my Weight
19
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 10:05pm
I feel so out of control. I weighed myself and I am just steadily gaining weight. I can't stop it. I just feel so helpless right now, I can't explain it.

I am so miserable, and I feel that food is my only friend. I eat when I am not hungry, and I pretty much grazed all day today. I am lonely, but I don't want to be around people, either. I want to feel loved. I want someone to hugs me and tell me that I am a good person. That they will love me for who I am. I want to feel all warm and fuzzy inside with love, not because I have stuffed myself so full of food.

I just don't know what to do anymore, it's getting too cold here to do any walking. I have an eliptical exercise machine, but it's out at my dad's house as there is no room here. I am gonna ask my roommate tomorrow if it is okay just to bring it even though it's gonna look terrible.

I just hate this, I never had to worry about my weight until after high school. The weird part is that I totally ignored my feeling etc up until that time. Now that I am attempting to deal with it, my weight is out of control. Hmmm...guess there is a connection there.

I want so much to be called "tiny" like I used to. I guess I feel that is the only way I ever got recognized. But I so badly want to be thin again.

I hate myself, and I don't know how to not hate myself. I know I have to start with me.

I know this isn't as important as Traci's dad passing away, but I just feel so hopeless...

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 11:04pm
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((PAMELA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sweetie, please know that WE ALL LOVE YOU FOR YOU! You are a wonderful person! In the midst of your own stuff, you took the time to think of me and give me ((((Hug)))). It takes a very special person to be able to do that. And, this community is full of very special people. YOU are included in that list honey!

Now, you have something that is bothering you. Hon, all I can say is, if it MATTERS to YOU, it MATTERS! I can't stress that enough! Don't feel like it's less than anyone elses problems. PLEASE don't let yourself feel like that. Know that Pamela is IMPORTANT and Pamela MATTERS! You are important and matter to everyone here sweetie.

I want you to do something for you today. Anything that would give you a little bit of pleasure. A bubble bath, buy some fresh flowers at the store, go to a movie, rent one. You hang in there sweetie. Keep posting as often as you like. One thing I've learned in the short time I've been here is nobody judges anybody. We are all here to help each other along. Lord knows, everybody here has helped me out a good deal. Let us help you now as best we can.

Peace, Love & Light,

Foggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 11:15pm
Foggy

I hope you are doing okay. I know you are going through something much more important. I really appreciate you taking time to respond to my post. It really means alot.

Thanks again.

Take care

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 11:21pm
((((Pamela))))

As someone who is recovering from anorexia, I can relate to your post. It's different, but same. Instead of running to the food when you are stressed, feeling lonely, etc., what are some other things you can do that will not necessarily take the lonliness away per se, but will make your forget about it for awhile. For me, when I am stressed, angry, depressed, lonely and feeling empty, I make chocolate lollipops (which may not be the best thing for you to be around just now since food is what you run to when you are stressed) pet my little bunny, color (I have a huge carousel and horse coloring book that I enjoy...one page takes about an hour and a half to color), listen to music, powerlift, read, take an aromatherapy bath by candelight and soothing music, burn lavender essential oil (which has natural sedative properties) call a friend, come to the boards and post, buy myself an outfit, journal, read a book, leave a message for my therapist. I hope you can find the same kind of solace as I have found in these activities.

Please don't apologize for doing poorly when others may be doing more poorly. You are still in a bad place and need support and regardless of what has caused that need for support, the end result remains the same, we all need support from time to time, some more than others or more frequently and that is OK!

Hang in there

Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 11:30pm
(((((((((Pamela)))))))))))

Anytime honey! And please remember what I said in my reply. Your problems aren't any "less" than anyone else's! They are issues that you are dealing with just as I have my issues that I'm dealing with. I really want to stress that you do something nice for yourself though! That is a very important step and it doesn't have to be a big thing. Just as long as it's special to YOU! Because hon, YOU MATTER!

Peace, Love & Light,

Foggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 9:02am
Thanks Christina and Traci.

I really appreciate your replies. I hauled out my cross stitch last night, so hopefully I will start doing more of it. And I have to talk to my roommate if she minds if I bring my exercise machine back, even though there isn't really room for it. But I need it!

Thanks again

Pamela

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Avatar for all_girls4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 10:40am
(((Pamela))....it sucks having to worry about your weight. I'm right there with you. I do the same thing. I feel bad...I eat. And I don't know how to get rid of my extra weight either.

Just letting you know.....you are not alone......Hugs Ilka



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 11:30am
Hey honey...

I know what you're going through, as I am struggling with the same issues you're faced with. I used to be a size 7 and now I am a size 12, almost 14. I am 40 pounds overweight. I'm only 5'2", and I weigh 170 pounds. I feel disgusting. It's not fun. I have been struggling with my weight ever since being diagnosed with depression. I eat all the time as well. It's almost a sick obsession. I work out occasionally (not as much as I should) and I try to eat healthy, but I always end up getting fast food, sweets or something that is terrible for me. It's a catch 22 almost. I've tried dieting...atkins, weight watchers, but haven't stuck to them. I'm gonna try the weight watchers again, just because it visually lets me know how I'm doing. They have a good point system. My mom is going to copy all of her stuff since I can't afford to go to the weekly meetings and weigh ins. My suggestion, that if you're really into this, is that we team up together to try to make a difference in our lives. I know that sometimes when i get in a huge rut, it's because of my weight issue. If you're into this, please post me and let me know! Together I know we'd make a good team. If you want, I could even copy the materials my mom is copying, and send them out to you!

Hang in there...it's gonna get better!

Trixie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 12:56pm
((((((((((((((((((Pamela))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry to hear how bad you are feeling right now I know it sucks having your weight control your happiness or having no control over your food intake it seems to always have control over you.

I threw out my scale cause it controlled me each day I jumped on it hoping that it would tell me something different but it just made me so unhappy I wanted to be 90 lbs I was or at least the scale told me 95lbs that was too kuch for me to handle and I would cry then when I went to the doc and he told me my actually weight I almost shot myself that was the worse news for me to hear 105 oh my god that is huge at least in my eyes it is.

Try not to get do down on yourself try to find some excersize that you can do in the winter I am a work out freak do it almost everyday dont go to a gym do it all at home.

Try not to snack when you go to the store have something light to eat before you go that way you wont buy too much junk food and never go hungry or you will over buy those are just a few tips that I know of.

Pamela you are such a wonderful person you alwayssay the best things to me and you have such a good heart and you are such a supportive person and I thank you so much for understanding me when I spoke of Keith and dont worry about the mistakiing his death from a motorcycle accident it isnt a big deal at all but you are great dont ever think anyless of yourself.

You will find love and you are deserving of love you are perfect how you are dont ever let anyone tell you any less okay lady!!!!!!!

Take care of you...

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 1:18pm
Awww...Thanks so much Erin.

Trixie...for sure we can lose weight together!! I actually have the weight watchers stuff, I got it from my friend.

Do you have MSN Messenger? We should get eachother on an Instant Messenger. Too bad long distance calling between our countries are so expensive!

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 5:11pm
I don't have MSN messenger...although I should download it! Right now I am using AOL AIM instant Messenger, my screen name is Irish VW Trixie for all of you who wanna get in touch with me! Take care, and please feel free to let me know what's going on in your life!! Oh, let me know your MSN name so I know it when I'm on!

Trix

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