I am so sorry for taking up space
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| Mon, 11-24-2003 - 4:20pm |
I messed myself up pretty bad I do this because I deserve it that is why I refused to eat vomited when I did took laxatives ect.....I deserved it I am not good enough I am not worthy and that stuff was taken away from me yes by my choice but still I sleep with guys that could care less because I deserve it I dont deserve to be loved to have someone actually care I let myself get used because I get the attention that I crave for a few moments I feel special but the way I feel after wards is what I deserve to feel.
The slicing my arm up Ideserve that too I hurt others I did wrong I gave up my baby without trying to get better first I am such a bad person you all have no idea how bad I am I am garbage.
I use people I manipulate people I am such a bad person I am garbage I dont deserve any of you I really dont and I am sorry for taking up all of your time and space.
I just cant take feeling this way anymore I really cant and I am sorry.
Erin

Stop being so hard on yourself. I realize that it's a very vunerable time for you, but know that you ARE IMPORTANT. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to have friends, you deserve the whole world. I hope that you know that. You are very special. You are awesome! Just know that. For real. I don't joke about that! Besides. You're ultra cool because you share the same name as me! All Erins are awesome. Don't you know that!? Hee hee. Anyway, being serious now, I feel that you need to go talk to someone. The behavior you're exhibiting is not normal, and you don't deserve to be doing that to yourself. You deserve better. Please take this seriously and get better soon. Please keep me posted!
Trixie
Sweetie, you need to get some help. Please go to the hospital, or call your doctor. DO SOMETHING.
One of my favorite quotes, and one I try to live by, is by Mya Angelou (sp?). "You know better, so you do better". It has to be one of the most inspirational things I have ever heard. And I try to incorporate it into my life. My parents ignored me while growing up, but they realize their mistakes and I have forgiven them. They know better now, so they ARE better. I would love it if you adopted this for yourself. It takes a really brave person to realize that the best thing for someone they love is to not be with them and I commend you for being that strong. A truly heroic moment in you life.
Please take care. Remember, you are an impoortant person and you are worth so much more than you will ever know.
Pamela
generally the people who feel most that they deserve nothing are the ones who deserve everything. some bad things have happened in your life, you feel very down right now.. in general and about yourself
if you give yourself time, you will feel better i promise, hun
i send hugs your way & hope that you can climb out of this hole you're in right now
((((((((((Erin)))))))))) --
You say "I gave up my baby without trying to get better first".
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CL-ladybug987
what a beautiful post name you have! I'm guessing perhaps then you have beautiful Irish eyes? Don't worry, I have plenty of time right now to respond to your post and some other peoples. What better place to spend it then here with my new friends (which includes you!). Too bad we couldn't see each other face to face because I think here we have a group of people who are friendly with one another and not superficial. Well, thank goodness we have internet nowadays. Well, now Irish Eyes I just wanted to point out 1 small grammatical error in your post. You wrote "I am such a bad person", but what you meant to write was "I am human". We all are human, we all make mistakes. Sometimes we make so many mistakes that they begin to control our lives, but that is when the next step needs to be taken and outside help needs to be seeked. If you had a bad run-in with previous help go to another counselor. I guarentee it'll feel good to get some of that stuff you have been emotionally lugging around off your shoulders. You are not the bad person here, it is those men that are abusing you and your situation. They are greedy. Sorry but after living here in Finland (close to Russia) I have decided I don't like *most* American men (although some are great). My bf is from Italy (molto bello!). No one deserves to feel pain, but if we didn't feel pain then I wonder would we know what happiness is? I promise you happier days are coming, but not necessarily soon. I know a woman who dealth with depression for 15 years. Do you want to know where she is now? she is one of the top executives of Chrysler Jeep...in fact she pretty much owns the Jeep company (it is NOT owned by Diamler). Just think we she would have been if she had just given up because she felt she wasn't worthy enough. Think we would be. Thanks to her, a woman dealing with depression at the time, women are able to move up in their career. She broke the glass ceiling. Now, we don't have to make a major change like that in our lives, but I think sometimes we tend to forget that there are little things we do for other people that mean SO much to them. So, no Irish Eyes you have not taken up my time...you have increased the list of number of friends I have.
"The world is your sandbox, create what you want out of it"-Megan D.
PS. Whoever said "there is nothing in life that is so bad that it can't be laughed at" should be taken out into the street and beaten. I won't say why, because I am a newbie here, but one can imagine (don't!!...no headaches and trauma now). Ok, and now class (I do have a sense of humor!!) a big stretch, let's all hug, and break for recess!! (from the pain of our daily lives)
Ok, and I think we need a joke here too.....just a momenth while I think of one. Ok, hopefully you will find this funny! If I remember it right...And remember..it's a joke! We've all been drunk before!! (though I don't get much of a chance to drink cuz I'm always pregnant or breastfeeding)
The cops had heard that there was very rowdy bar downtown. So, they went to wait for the people to come out because they knew there would be quite a few drunks. When the bar finally closed a bunch of people stepped out. 1 man came out of the bar. He was almost crawling. He walked aimlessly around the parking lot. The cops knew for sure that this man was totally wasted! The drunk guy tried his keys on 5 different cars and when he got to the next car he opened the door (since it was his car) and got in. Everyone else by then was already gone. He sat in his car for 5 mins. before turning the ignition. As soon as he left the parking lot the cops were hot on his tail. They quickly pulled him over on the side of the road and distributed a breathalizer test. When the reading came out 0,0 the cop was shocked! "How is this possible?? I saw you walk out of that bar!" asked the officer pointing back at the bar. And the guy replied, "well, tonight sir, I'm the designated decoy!"
((((((((((((((((ERIN)))))))))))))))))))))
I wish that you could "see" what we read.
Blessed Be!
Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches
These other lovely ladies have so many words of wisdom. There's not much more I can add.
Even though I have not been around in a while because I've been too crazed to even breathe, back when I was here all of the time your words constantly meant something. You took the time to tell me that I was special and to connect with me. It meant and still means so much.
Your son is in the best place for him. You have told me in the past that your ex is a good father and his new
mate is really good to your son. You have so much to heal and recover from. You are a caring person.
We all know it because you have shown us that person again and again on this board.
If you still think that you don't deserve to take up space, please call 1-800-SUICIDE. They can help you. If you feel like you want to do something to yourself right now, then call 911. You are special and important. We see the beauty and kindness in your spirit. We've all made big mistakes and hurt people who didn't deserve to be hurt. While many people in my life currently call me their angel, I have people from my past who consider me the devil. Remember the adage: "There is no saint without a past or sinner without a future." I don't believe in sin, but I believe in mistakes. We all make them. It's about being human. Giving your son to his loving, caring father was not a mistake. It was a selfless, caring sacrifice.
Love,
MariaC
First of all, you are a capable wonderful human being deserving of love and respect! Don't let anyone tell you any differently.
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Try making a list of all the constructive ways you can feel good about yourself that do not involve an eating disorder, sex and cutting. It requires a lot of soul searching but you can do it. You are a very strong woman to even realize that there's something wrong. Alot of people are in denial.
You are obviously going through a rough time right now. Now that you are aware of your behaviors, you can work on trying to change them. The only "bad" person is the one who KNOWS they are doing wrong and REFUSES to change their behaviors. As long as you keep trying, you are never a failure. It will take time to change these behaviors and you may still engage in them from time to time throughout your recovery, that doesn't mean you are bad. As long as you are working on your issues you'll be OK and things will get better. You are not garbage. You are terribly lost and having an extremely difficult time in life, as we all do from time to time.
Christina
Christina