being empty... :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
being empty... :(
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 4:32am
A word is not unlike a dream in the sense that in both, regardless of shape and form, you can find a very peculiar stance where sensibility and madness go hand in hand. But any attempt, by man or woman, to tread new roads to and from such ethereal places is often futile, simply because the journey to this undermined condition is often one of torturous self-discovery.

But to find a word buried deep within a dream, painfully static, forever marred by the memory of those living in the light, is not a chance encounter by itself. Per chance it died in an arrogant self-reliance when it was young, crying in the night as it disappeared and there was nothing but a faint memory, or an old piece of paper, to remember it ever existed.

Perhaps, just like me, it is now looking for a way out.

I am always absorbed by such encounters, slowly moving forward in a moment's passing. It is the coming of the night that keeps me so occupied, the moment when I feel the obligation and necessity to tell the dreams I have inside, not because they are my own to give, but because I feel them so completely and so intimately that not doing so would mean the end of my own erratic existence.

Yet I feel empty. Diluted and defeated. I can’t even remember what my soul looks like. Sometimes I see its face. Sometimes I seem to catch a glimpse of its mouth at start of my day, in someone else's smile, on someone else's dream. I become forgetful with the pressing hours, I rest easily on my revelations, moving without a reason or thought through the hallways of my days.

Going from revolution to revelation.

Frank