Still Want Own Kids Someday *triggers*
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 11-25-2003 - 3:31pm |
Hey Ladies,
I thought I might post here because I am wondering how many of you can relate. Or, if any of you have an advice for me based on your experiences with depression.
Last year around this time, I was diagnosed with major depression and put on Celexa after exhibiting some parasuicidal behavior (I was in the self-punishing thing because I figured that was less painful than punishment from another). There are multiple emotional reasons why I think I have depression, but the real reason as we all probably come to realize is that depression is a chemical imbalance. Still, I do think those chemicals become imbalanced due to repeat injury to one's psyche. For me, it's been a life devoid of regular emotions as I had a very verbally abusive upbringing in a very isolated environment, followed by several years of financial and physcial deprivation as I put myself through college and grad school. Today is supposed to be the happiest time of my life as I no longer have to be under the control of my parents nor do I have the same financial strains that I had in school. What finally pushed me over the edge, I think was just knowing that I was disliked my by own parents and then being just as disliked by my new husband's parents. Being estranged from my mother and having very distant inlaws really messed with my head. That's when I hit rock bottom.
A year later, and I am doing much better. I've been through stress and relaxation programs, have found myself a "surrogate family" of wonderful pepole, and I have been regularly going to a therapist and a psychiatrist. I am also eating better and exercising. Right now I feel confident that I can do everything I did before I was diagnosed and even more. For the first time in my life I have a hope that is not based on "showing someone" who thinks I'm incapable of great things, but instead just doing what I know will bring happiness to my life.
But now, my husband is just really bringing me down. He keeps telling me of all of my limitations and telling me that there are things I can't do because he doesn't want to have to deal with my becoming depressed again. He also accuses me of making him depressed which leads me to believe that he really doesn't know a dang thing about what depression really is. I feel like it took so long for me to hope for a better future for myself and he's just really bringing me back to where I was before.
The biggest issue is having a child. I've always wanted to have my own children, and so did he. He thinks there is something wrong with me genetically (my grandmother was bipolar, and my mother had dysthmania or whatever), and he does not (1) want me to become depressed again or (2) want the child to be depressed. He thinks we should consider adoption first and foremost, while I really wanted to try to have biological kids.



(((((smaudking))))), Yes!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>
CL-ladybug987
I too always wanted my own child, but was afraid of passing on this illness. I tried but after years, accepted my infertility. Well my boyfriend was supportive when out of the blue I did get pregnant! So I'm lucky in that respect to have his support, he seems to think the baby will be just fine although I'm worried. I am now 7 months along and I can tell you it has been the hardest time of my life. I went off my Zoloft cold turkey when I found out but had to resume it a few months later. My Dr. assured me it is perfectly safe to take during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I have heard from lots of women on these message boards who take these meds and their children are just fine, so that is reassuring. It's been an emotional rollercoaster for me, pregnancy hormones I guess! I am happy though to be having this miracle child even though I have bad days. I'm going to shower my baby with love and hope that is enough to keep it happy!
If its what you want, go for it. You can still take your meds, it is actually shown to be better for your baby than suffering from depression. There is no real proof that your child will have depression. No one really knows what causes this chemical imbalance anyway!
HTH
Sarah
Thanks, Sweetie. I really appreciate your input.
I've been trying to psyche myself up to adopt, but I didn't realy think I would adopt under these circumstances. I've always envisioned having one or two biological children, and then adopting a second or third. I really looked forward to being pregnant and having my own child--it's a special time in a woman's life, and I feel for those who are robbed of it because of infertility or other reasons.
I don't think that if my husband thought I was biologically or genetically defective I would have married him. That's the honest truth. The thing that really hurts is that he also thinks there are people in his family (such as his sister) who are predisposed to having what he considers to be perfect children. I don't know if I want to raise any child (be it biological or adoptive) with a man who thinks of me that way.
Next week, I've scheduled three appointments: with my psychiatrist, therapist, and primary care physician and my husband has agreed to come along. Maybe he will change his mind, if not, maybe I will who knows.
smaudking
Thanks, sweetie. Your post really helps me feel calmer.
To be honest, everyone that suffered from depression in my family had horrible, awful stuff happen to them, including me. It really does seem to be the luck of the draw.
We have a very stable, loving home and we are also financially well-positioned. I really don't see why we shouldn't try for our own children, unless I start struggling again with the depression in a few years.h
Anyway, thanks for your optimism. I appreciate your sharing your story.
smaudking