2 good days, 1 really bad
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2 good days, 1 really bad
| Wed, 11-26-2003 - 5:07am |
After a few days I've feeling really good, I crashed. I was on verge of tears the whole day yesterday and I didn't even finish my workout. All of the irritability and rage came back and I just wanted to throw something until I felt better. What added to my misery was that I gained 4 pounds and I've been having a really hard time with a couple of women from work. They're giving me a real hard time and giving me attitude. If they aren't doing that, they're just scaring at me real hard. Even when one of them gives me a hard time and I try to defend myself, she just talks over me and is like yeah ok buh-bye. Ugh....If she does this again, as much as I HATE confrontations, I'm going to have to go to h er and say, "What's your problem? Let's get this out in the open now." But just the thought of having to do that depresses me.
Thanksgiving, we are aren't eating until about 5:30 and for some reason, that late hour depresses me. 2 days ago, I was more "normal." I got to experience, for the first time in a very long time, what it felt to be happy. So, this crash makes it more depressing because I've seen what was on the other side. Maybe one of these days, I'll get it right.
Christina

As far as feeling well 2 days ago, that's the fabulous thing about depression. It sucks! One minute you're fine, the next you're back down to nothing. The best thing I can tell you to do is keep taking your meds, keep posting here, and make sur eyou go to all of your therapists appointments.
I hope that this helps a bit, and keep me posted!
Trixie
Thank you so much for your reply. I'm making sure I keep all my therapy appointments. I've been seeing the same T for 5 years now and I just increased my sessions with her, much to the dismay of my checkbook. lol
It's just so incredibly hard. Right now, my appetite is out of control and not sure if that's the meds or the fact that I'm PMS'ing and/or the fact that I gained muscle mass. Either way, it's really keeping alot of eating disorder thinking. ;'( There's always something....my T said the ED was the first thing I ran to when I needed comfort and so it will be the last thing to disappear. I think I'll talk to my pdoc about this. He specializes in eating disorders. Since, I've been hospitalized for an ED in the past and was on an ED unit when hospitalized last month, he agreed to be my doc. That was really great because he's an awesome guy for a psychiatrist! I've been to ALOT of quacks in the past.
Ok, sorry don't mean to go off on a tangent there. ;-) Thanks again and have a great Thanksgiving.
Christina
Foggy
((((((((((((((Lil)))))))))))))))))
You had 2 great days, focus on those!!!
Blessed Be!
Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches
I just wanted to send you some ((((((hugs)))))).
Take care
Pamela
That situation at work sounds HORRIBLE. Those women sounds like nasty middle school girls. It's awful that some people enjoy the power of causing other people misery.
I know that feelings of falling back into depression after some relief and hope that maybe it's over. What I've found is that recovery from depression has a lot of those highs and lows. I've learned to use the memory of the good times to get me through the bad ones. You got out of the depression once. You will do it again. Now you know that you can get out of it.
If you feel that you need to let anger out, THEN DO IT! When I feel that way, the only thing that relieves it is screaming at the top of my lungs while I'm driving down the freeway in my car. If you aren't eating until late today, then go for a twenty minute drive and scream until you are hoarse. Put all of your anger and frustration into every scream. Focus on just letting it out. Trust me, it works wonders! Depression is anger turned inward. If you don't find a healthy way to let that anger out, you will keep taking it out on yourself, which is depression.
Also ask yourself what you were thinking about when your mood changed back to to depression. My therapist showed me to notice how my thoughts create my mood. Then to not let myself think about the things that get me riled up.
There's a book called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD. It's on Cognitive Therapy, which is the therapy that has changed my life. It shows you how its your habits of thinking that keep you in the cycle of depression.
Cognitive Therapy has the highest success rate of curing depression of any kind of therapy. It works wonders, especially when combined with medication.
Exercise is also a great way to let out anger. When I run, I focus on putting all my rage into every step. Sometimes I even imagine that with every step I'm stepping on the face of the jerk I'm mad at! Try that with your coworkers. Every step of your run or exercise you are stepping on their mean faces! It's very fun!
Keep the faith. Recovery from depression is a process. Be patient with yourself. And call on the things that helped in the past when you are in a dark time.
Take Care,
MariaC