Embarrassed...Angry...*Numb* inside
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Embarrassed...Angry...*Numb* inside
| Wed, 11-26-2003 - 8:14am |
Okay, so I got everyone's replies to my post the other day. I greatly appreciate it. In each post something just popped out at me and made me say..."That's right!" Well, I do love the guy I'm with now. He has become my best friend. I'm a little numb inside today. We went to Monday Night Football together...Bucs. v. Giants. My first NFL game ever and I had so much fun. Of course, we had a few beers...it's football. He just doesn't know when to quit sometimes. He acted as though he had been drinking before I got home, but when questioned of his state-he completely denied it. So, I let it go...he wasn't being a jerk. Yeah, I had fun. I was a bit down in the dumps, but being at the game really perked me up. Without my knowledge, on the way back home, he grabbed another beer...that I unwillingly paid for. It was 1:15 a.m. and we both had to work early the next morning. He kept trying to crack it open in the car on the way home and was getting frustrated that I wouldn't have it in my car. I kept saying "absolutely not, at least do me the favor of waiting til we get home" So, he did, grudgingly. After asking me a million times and after me answering him a million times about what I wanted to eat (Taco Bell), he forgot to stop on the way home. When we finally did get home, I was tired and just wanted to get ready for bed. (Not to mention I was absolutely annoyed with him for continuing to drink). He insisted on going out to get food...after all...he was hungry and nothing else mattered. Perhaps it was a lack of communication, but I assumed he would be taking his car and didn't think much of it. After he left, I realized he had my car...probably his beer, too. I didn't want to fight with him when he got home, which is what I knew would happen, I deliberatley made myself fall asleep fast so that I could just ignore him when he got home. That was at about 2:30. I woke up at 5 a.m. and he was nowhere in sight. I jumped up and ran outside...my car was still gone. I can't drive stick which is what his car is...and I didn't have the keys, either. Shortly after my discovery, the phone rang and he was telling me that he got arrested. He was charged with 5 counts. 2 driving with suspended license, 1 dui, 1 possession/paraphanalia. He doesn't exactly have the cleanest record, so I'm worried they'll dig up the past with these new charges...and I don't know what will happen with that. He got MY car impounded. I missed work yesterday, my boss is highly irritated with me, I screwed over a girl I work with by leaving her alone in the office all day. His keys were in my car. My belongings were in my car. We don't even have a damn house key right now. I haven't had the opportunity to get to the license bureau to get me a replacement license after he "misplaced" mine. I can't get my car out without a license. I don't even have a passport to carry with me. I'm just so frustrated with his carelessness. I was convinced that was the last straw. He even tried to say that he was breaking up with me and moving in with his parents that day...and do you think I tried to even stop him this time. No. But he called back and said he was sorry and that he didnt' mean it. He was mad b/c I said (calmly, mind you) that I would not be forgetting this anytime soon. Argh. I'm preparing myself for the end. I've distanced myself a bit over the past day. When our lease is up, he says he can't afford to move. I think I'll begin preparing myself to get an apartment of my own and let HIM go back to mommy and daddy. I still love him and am trying to be as supportive as I can without being a beotch. He is still my best friend down here, and I believe I'm his. He says it was a slap in the face and that many things will change. Been there, Heard that. Many promises were made last night and I just said "...okay, let me see it" I just stop listening after he says "I promise" anymore. I will be open to him changing, but at this point, I expect nothing. I'd like to whole heartedly believe him, but I'm sure some of you have heard me do that only to be set up for my own disappointment. I'm really frustrated, part of me wants to be so raging mad. His stupidity could have cost me my job, it got my car impounded...my mom horribley hates the man. I'm just at a loss. I feel so numb inside b/c I'm not sure what to feel. When his dad told me he was arrested with a DUI charge, I said "good, let him sit for a while" and didn't feel guilty about saying that. At that point, I felt as though, romantically, I've given up. But I still love him...will always love him, and he's still a friend no matter what.

I would almost say, with friends like that who needs family to mess up your life.
If you love him, don't LET him get away with this...he's going to keep getting in trouble unless there are consequences he can understand. And I don't think that'll do you any good, either.
The numbness is probably your mind's circuit breaker so you don't run to the jail where the are keeping him and beat him soundly about the head! *just joking*
You should also think about boundries...if our families or our friends are doing things that seriously jepordize our lives, our sanity, or our jobs, well you may need to step back from them - maybe far back - and let them either straighten themselves out or not.
You are not doing either him or yourself a favor if he gets away with this.
Hugs,
KarenMRH
This is not a good situation for you. At least you're pretty cool enough to realize that. I honestly feel that you need out. Unfortunately, I have a roommmate that is very similar to your boyfriend, or hopefully ex by now. She's really out of control with her drinking habits, and overall is super lazy. I can't stand it. She doesn't know when to stop either. She even got drunk where she works at (she's a server at a local restaurant), and totally embarrassed herself. The bartender that she KNOWS cut her off saying that she's had way too much. Mind you she wasn't driving! And she wonders why she's not promoted, or gets more hours. She's the one that is cut first all the time, and sometimes now she's only working 2 or 3 hours a day. AHHHH.
I feel that you did the right thing by leaving him in jail. I know that this isn't going to teach him a lesson, because let's face it. People with problems sometimes don't realize that they have problems until they're ready to face them. That's the problem my other roommate and I are faced with. Waiting for the bad one to realize that she has a problem. (they're three of us that live together) I hope that his whole DUI experience scared him a little, and he's going to hopefully realize that he's not invincable. Try to get out of the relationship. It's alright to be supportive and help him through this, but if you are truely unhappy with the relationship...romantically, you need out. It sounds that way. You can still be a friend to help him get better, but please don't put yourself into a bad situation like this again.
I hope that this helps a little bit. Take care, and let me know how things are going. I'll be around when you need me!
Trixie
I can relate to some of your feelings. My boyfriend rolled my car because he was drinking and he fell asleep. He cheated, lied etc. Ooops, I mean ex-boyfriend.
I still love him, but after breaking up and getting back together I can't even count how many times, I realize that he will not be changing anytime soon. And I do love him, but I am not IN love with him. I just can't let myself be close to someone who is so unreliable.
So I don't think it is terrible that you said that he could sit in jail.
Maybe you need to distance yourself from him for awhile, and you can see if he has really changed. But be warned, I did that and it still blew up in my face.
Take care (((((suhara82)))))).
Pamela