Will it ever get better?
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| Thu, 11-27-2003 - 12:59am |
Then, I have my DS. Genetics dictate that he is definitely my father's grandson. I have a walking/talking 7 yr old version of my dad.........right down to his first name. The poor little guy has been out of sorts since Saturday trying to deal with his grief and at that age, not understanding much of it. I look at him, or listen to something he says and start to lose it. I stifle it because I don't want him thinking it's something he's done. he's confused enough right now. I feel like a horrible mother.
It just hurts so bad and it only seems to get worse with each "wave", not better. The looks I get from people, the people that avoid me because they don't know what to say, the people that actually do say without thinking. I realize that none of these people intend to hurt me with their actions, as I've been on that side of the fence as well. But, God it hurts! And I don't know what to tell them other than "Thank you, if I think of anything I'll let you know." That sounds SO lame!
Today, I had another driver offer to make dinner for my family. I accepted the offer, but really felt inadequate afterwards. I've subjected my kids and my mother to subs/pizza/mcdonalds, etc because I can't even get it together long enough to cook a meal for them. If what I said above isn't lame enough, how's THAT for lame! Nothing has gotten done around the house since before this past Saturday. And believe me when I say it shows.
I'm angry, frustrated, guilty and hurting. Is this how it's going to be? WIll it get better? Will it get worse? I feel like a time bomb only I don't know how long the fuse is.
If I am repeating myself, I apologize. I've just got so much running around in my head right now it's hard to keep it all straight. Sorry.
Foggy



((((((((((((FOGGY))))))))))))))
YES, it will get better.
Blessed Be!
Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches
I want you to know that people are not thinking you are lame for just saying Thank you, I'll let you know when they ask for help. They are concerned and want to help out in anyway they can. I also think it is great that you let someone bring over some food. I live in a small town, and when someone dies friends, neighbours, co-workers all chip in. They bring food, baby-sit, clean house everything. Don't feel ashamed to ask for help during this hard time for you. If I was close, I'd come and help you out and give you some hugs.
Take care
Pamela
Dear ((((((((((Foggy)))))))))),
Tears are the natural expression of grief.
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CL-ladybug987
I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time in your life right now. To answer your question, yes, things WILL get better. I know how hopeless and helpless everything looks right now. It's been my experience that things tend to get worse before they get better. Almost like you have to hit rockbottom before you start recovering. When you're down, the only place to go is up. Life WILL start looking better. I'm going through the same thin right now where life doesn't seem like it'll get any better. Find hope somewhere, pull it from the darkest pit of your being and HOLD on to that. TIGHT!! I KNOW how easy it is to give up, oh believe me, I KNOW! I ended up in a hospital, partly because I DID give up but partly because I knew it was the start to the end of my problems, um, ok the latter didn't work out so well as of right now, but I think it's getting there. Foggy, life does balance itself out eventually.
I don't know if you're in a well enough place emotionally to absorb any of that. I know it gets hard to absorb the positives when we're so down. So, in the meantime, I'll offer you alot of ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))
You aren't alone and you WILL get through this!
Christina