Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2003
Lost
2
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:41am
Hi!

i got following problem that's making me really upset:

i've been always religiously active and four years ago when I got married I took a man who's really great and I thought he believed same as I did since he too had been in it (same congregation) from childhood. So I thought&believed we would be in everything, also in religious matters, together always.

Couple of months ago my dear husband tells me that he actually doesn't believe in God and thinks that our religion is not true.

So all the pretty pictures I got shattered to pieces. I still do love him ofcource but I don't quite know what would be the best way to cope with thing that he doesn't believe anymore the way I do.

To make it more weird - in my point of wiew - is that he says it's okay to me believe in what I want but has said also that he hopes that I would start to think like he does and this I feel puts me in hard situation since ofcourse I love him and don't like to be different sides with him, but on the other hand I can't be on the same side either.

This all makes me very anxious & uncertain of myself. help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
In reply to: mirxu
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 8:44am

Mirxu;


I am in the same situation as you are.

Blessed Be!

Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: mirxu
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 12:55pm
I've been with men who had the same spiritual beliefs as me and a few who didn't. It definitely creates a good foundation for values and goals if the person shares your beliefs. One man I was with was pretty much an atheist. Ultimately, he came to believe in God. He said that he believed in God because of how he felt with he was with me. I gave him books to read and he started to understand my beliefs more deeply and thoroughly. He started to share my beliefs, but he didn't base his whole life on them the way that I do. I think his lack of integrity, sense of compassion and keeping his word ultimately led to our undoing.

I know that is different than your situation. I wish I could give you more help. The one thing I can recommend is prayer. Prayer is my saviour. When I ask God for strength and guidance, I never fail to get it. My main prayer for myself is for strength and insight to handle a situation. Ask God for the strength and insight you need to deal with the situation with your husband. It will come. That is the one prayer that I find God always answers with a "yes."

Your husband has basically pulled the rug out from under you. You married him to share your life in God. I have known many people who do not have the same beliefs as their spouse. But for me that would make my life too much of a struggle. My spiritual beliefs guide everything I do and almost every goal I have. So my husband wouldn't be able to be a good sounding board and confidant if he didn't have the same beliefs. There are some spiritual things my dh believes that I don't. He is of a different denomination than I am. It doesn't bother him and it rarely comes up.

Maybe right now you just need to make an agreement with your dh to respect each other's opinion. I know that you are very disappointed. You have every right to be. But don't let his opinion affect your relationship with God. It's OK for someone to believe something different. There was even a year in junion high when I was an athiest. I had prayed for God to prove to me that he exists. A year later he did in a way I couldn't doubt. But I understand the way that atheists think.

You might recommend the book "Embraced by the Light" by Betty Eadie. It's the story of a woman who died and was resuscitated. It gives a Christian perspective on the experience. I think you will like it. Your husband might also find that it gives him something to think about.

You and your husband are in my prayers.

All My Best,

MariaC