Depression - Should I tell my boss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Depression - Should I tell my boss?
5
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 2:34am
I’ve been with my current employer for 18 years and on antidepressants for dysthymia for the past 8 years. I’ve gotten along just fine at work: increased responsibility, a variety of projects, great performance reviews, rarely take a sick day, love what I do, etc. I doubt anyone would guess I am being treated for depression, and I’ve never told my co-workers about it. Unfortunately, there are still too many misconceptions about “mental illness” for me to risk being stigmatized by incorrect assumptions.

But things have gradually gone downhill over the last 18 months – possibly due to approaching menopause (I’m 51). My meds are losing their effectiveness, and with the help of three doctors, I’m still looking for a new combination that will work for me.

Last January, I started in a new position, but I haven’t been functioning well (isolating myself, unable to focus, taking longer to do things, etc.). This week, my new boss made it clear that I haven’t met expectations. I’m facing a seriously negative performance review, and possibly the elimination of my position.

So now I’m weighing the pros & cons of telling my boss about my depression. I’m afraid I’m going to be toast even if I stay – confidentiality is too much to expect. Would it be better to talk to the HR director instead? I expect to enjoy my job when I find the right meds, the benefits are great, and I’m in no shape to go job hunting now. Incidentally, everyone with whom I’ve worked closely over the years has left the company, so I don’t really have a personal advocate on staff.

Is there any “recommended” way to handle this situation? I’d appreciate any advice from someone who’s been through this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 2:47am

((((((((Mattie52))))))))))))))) Welcome to the board hon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 9:46pm
I really feel for your situation as I have been in a similar one. I went IP for my depression in late October. I told my supervisor and the director of my department what was going on and I made it CRYSTAL CLEAR to them that what I was saying would go no further than the 4 walls we were speaking in. They were very understanding and my secret, thus far, has been kept. It also helped that I work for a psychiatric hospital.

Since you've been with the company for 18 years, and your work has obviously been above satisfactory for all these years, I am sure they will be more than understanding and more than willing to work with you. You can always approach your boss and tell him that you realize you performance is not up to par but that you are going through a very difficult time right now, but you are working on getting things under control. Then, you can take the situation from there. If he/she asks you for specifics, you can then give it, if you're feeling comfortable about the situation. If not, I don't see anything wrong with saying, "It's a personal matter and I would rather not discuss it right now." You can always tell the HR director the real reason as to what is going on. They are bound by secrecy and if they tell, you can sue. Still, telling your immediate boss that you are suffering from depression MAY give you a little more protection because as long as you are receiving help for yor problem, they do not have legal grounds to fire you. I'm not totally up with the law, and if I'm wrong, someone please correct me, but it is my understanding that you can not be fired for a problem as long as you are seeking help for it. If you are facing possible termination, you really have nothing to lose.

I KNOW how difficult it is to concentrate at work, I was having the same problem and still am. Try to give your boss a course of action and ask him; her to give you another months. That may be enough time to get you to start feeling like YOU again.

Good luck with everything and please let us know how it turns out.

Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 1:03am

Hmmm..I'm not sure I can be of much help...


I've only been on meds for my depression for about two and a half years. I've been at my job for nearly 7. However I've battled depression most of my life. SO, my boss was there through my really low points, and I suspect it was pretty obvious. I've been open with my coworkers about being on meds, and they've seen the difference. It may also help that I work at a drug store. :P But, I never felt the need to come out with it. It was pretty much known or acknowledged anyway.


I'd be worried that either they'll think you're uncapable of doing your job, or worried that you won't get the right cocktail of meds soon enough for their needs. So I really don't know what you should do.


But please hang in there..


Jenn









iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 1:28pm
I really appreciate hearing everyone's experiences and thoughts. This long weekend has given me some time to calm down and realize that my employer may not be the best place to look for sympathy and understanding! Today I'm thinking along the lines of what you suggested: just acknowledge that it's been a "disappointing" year, say something vague about working on some personal challenges, take my lumps (poor review, no raise, possible demotion), and try to focus on getting myself back on track. It hurts and is embarrassing, but not the end of the world. I'm so grateful for the support that's available here. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 5:13pm

Hi Mattie!


I know this is a really tough position to be in cause you are damned if you do and damned if you dont..

*hugs