Very Rough Weekend
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Very Rough Weekend
| Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:41am |
I had such a bad weekend. I was in tears the whole weekend. Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were hanging out and when I arrived at his house, I just slept for about 2 hours, then cried in his arms hysterically for about a half hour. My face really broke out on my right side and I look like a hideous leper (I really do, I look like I have a 3rd and 4th eye on my cheek), which really isn't helping my depression any. I didn't even go in to work today. My boyfriend and I are just going to hang out and if I had it my way, I'd just stay home in bed. I said to him, "I wont be much company and I can't even stand to be around myself right now." He told me that he'd much rather me being depressed with him then being depressed home alone in bed. I just got into a fight with my parent's over money. So, I just got so fed up and screamed, "I don't care, I'll go on disability then, I hate my job anyway which is why I'm not there today." My mom told me to get another job that plenty of young girls have 2 jobs, it's my fault I'm in this position, etc. Taking a second job would mean giving up Powerlifting, the ONLY thing I have in my life that makes me feel even slightly worthwhile, and the only reprieve I have in my otherwise very pathetic and miserable life. Not to mention that I would never see my boyfriend and he's already moving an hour and a half north in about 6 months! He works nights as it is and is going back to school full time. I'd have to work weekends (our only time together) and we'd just never see each other, thereby losing my relationship. Anyway, my Dad just left the house and went back to his aparment because "it's quieter there." It was quiet here too before they started on me. Why couldn't they just leave me alone today?!
I've had tears in my eyes all morning and it's only 10:30!!! I've been taking my medication every day and I just don't think it's helping. I feel as though I'm getting worse and cycling more rapidly on them then off them. I have another session with my pdoc on Wednesday so that's good. I'm just afraid he'll hospitalize my butt again so I'm afraid of saying how bad I'm really doing. Or he'll just give up on me and say, "sorry can't help you anymore." (I've had a lot of bad experiences with pdocs)
I'm sorry I'm so negative right now but I really am finding it to be quite an enormous struggle to even smile.

(((((((((((Lil))))))))))))))
I'm sending you uplifting, gentle hugs right now!!!
Blessed Be!
Laure-co-cl on migraines & headaches
I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time.
I am having a not great day, so all I can do is send you some (((((hugs))))).
Pamela
I am so sorry to hear about your weekend I know how bad it sucks to be in this position where all you want is for it all to go away...but you have your boyfriend who seems to love you so much and wants to be there for you and help you.
I know how parents can be I dont live at home but I still argue with my mom about dumb stuff I have been told to get a second job but I work long hours twice a week at my current job and I do it six days a week the only day I have off is sunday and I am not going to give that up and I cant work nights I have therapy on wednesday nights I work til 7pm on mondays and wednesday I watch my neice like two nghts a week so when can I get a second Job...Money is always an issue with everyone most of us seem to never have enough of it abnd cant get it when we need it but te people who have way too much of it can get it whenever they want that is just the way of the world I guess..
Try to relax a little I know easier said than done but try to do something tht you like something that is calming maybe that will make you feel better and dry those tears in your eyes.