Can Anyone Help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Can Anyone Help?
7
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 9:17pm
Hi everyone. I hope everyone is doing as well as can be. I am doing OK, but I think I may have a problem. I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not but for about 19 years I have been a competent, capable, high-achieving young woman. For the past 2 or so years, I have been extremely unmotivated. I am in college now (I got here on a full scholarship)and this year (my 4th) and last year, I became totally complacent. I never want to move or go to class or anything. When I stayed in the dorm I would just lay in my bed and look at the walls. I was able to pick myself up and improve my grades near the end of last semester then over the summer I did an internship and worked in New Orleans. Everything was OK then and the beginning of this semester but about 4 or 5 weeks ago, I got down again. I don't want to do anything now, all I do is sit around, watch TV, and eat. I am crying a lot, I have low self-esteem, I think I'm fat and disgusting. I think I might fail a class this semester and I can't even get up enough energy to care about it. All my friends just think that I am off point right now, but its something much more serious. My mother passed away when I was 14 and the family that I moved in with takes me for granted and uses me. I'm just very confused and really am afraid that it could be something much more serious. I was not able to describe it very well here, but if you knew me, you would realize what a dramatic change I have gone thru. Does anyone know what I can or should do or has anyone else been there? Please respond if you have time - I will definitely appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 11:10pm
I am just heading off to bed. I just wanted to welcome you and send you some (((((hugs))))).

Take care

Pamela

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 11:27pm
Since you are down, have no interest in activities that you used to enjoy, sleep much of the time, and cry frequently, it sounds to me like you have depression. Since this has happened before, with a long break, it sounds like it's probably a major depressive episode, recurrent. I shouldn't diagnose over the internet, but that's how it sounds to me. I've had many major depressive episodes since I was a child. I made a significant recovery in the past few years, especially a year ago.

Almost all colleges have counseling services on campus that are free to students. I would strongly recommend that you call the Health Services department and ask what counseling services are available to you. You have faced some incredible hardship at a very young age. Did you ever have grief counseling after your mother died? You lost the most important person in the world to you. People don't just move on from that. If you don't have a sense of a loving, supportive family in your life that may have left you with a sense of loneliness and meaninglessness.

Did you say that you are 19 and in your 4th year of college? Or did you say that the depression started 2 years ago when you were 19? If you are in your 4th year, you are probably 21. Since the family that took you in after your mom died doesn't feel like your family, you are facing starting your adult life in a few months with little guidance about what to do. That can be both good and bad. It can be good because many people feel pressure to do things their parents want them to do.

It's hard not to have a real family. I have a family, but they are so vicious and mean to me that I avoid most of them. I have slowly created a sense of family in the people around me. Personally, I think that family are the people who are there for you, not the ones you lived with when you were young.

But you have been through so much. You would benefit from having a good therapist who will support you and guide you through this depression and the last part of college. That's the best thing I can recommend.

Welcome to the Board. Please post here whenever you want or need to.

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 2:35pm
Hi and thank everyone for their replies. I was saying that "it" started about 2 years ago when I was 19. No, I never underwent any counseling when my mother passed away - it was a kind of get over it thing and one of my guardian's daughters actually said that to me. It happened again this morning - I woke up and woke up in time to shower and get dressed and go to class but I just didn't. I laid in my bed and looked at the ceiling. Then I turned on the TV and fell back asleep. Today I turned my cell phone off because I didn't want anyone to try to call me or talk to me. I'm thinking about just keeping it off for a few days and letting it pick up my messages - I don't even want to talk to my friends right now. Two people came and knocked on my door today and I just laid really still so they would go away. I have also gained about 30 or 35 pounds. I used to be 150 and now I am almost 190. I just really don't know or understand what is going on with me. I bought a Mother Loss workbook hoping that would help me with my mom's death and it does, but most of the time I end up crying and just putting the book down. Its ironic because my mother died over 6 years ago, but for some reason, now it is hitting me really hard. I just don't have the energy to do anything. I just want to hide in my house, not talk to anyone, and eat. :) This morning I thought about getting in my car and just driving to Texas (I am in Florida) to see my sister and niece and forget about school and finals and everything else. I am not having suicidal thoughts, so that is why I question whether or not I'm really depressed. But, I just don't know. Other feedback will be so greatly appreciated. It's good to know that I am not the only one. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 4:05pm
I just wanted to say hi. I don't know what else to say. I am new here. I'm doing pretty much the same thing as you are. I stay in my bedroom 90% of the time. It just seems safer in there. I lost all self-esteem and self confidence. Don't want to burden you with my problems, just wanted to let you know you are not alone. If you hear anything, please let me know. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 4:12pm

Hi there !


I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you to the board! It certainly sounds from your description that you may have some depression issues happening right now.. I would suggest you start with seeing your regular doctor and let him or her know how you feel.. They can rule out any medical problems and perhaps help you find a counselor or see if antidepressants will help.. Sometimes it is just chemical and that little jump start will get you back on track..


Post as often as you like, its good to have you here!


*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 5:47pm

Welcome, (((((Confused Girl)))))!


You will experience the recurrence of feelings about your mother's death until you work through your grief.

 

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CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 6:28pm
I'm sorry for your loss. I don't care how old I am when I loose my mom I would not soon get over it. You lost your mom at the age when you needed her most, but hated to admitt it. Unfortunately you didn't have a supportive environment then, but you can count on support from this board. I think some of those people you avoid would be supportive if you just gave them a chance, maybe? Don't be ashamed to admitt you're still hurting. It's normal. Don't let your life go on with out you though. I know better than most what it's like to not want to get up. It happened to me yesterday. I can't do that because I have my kids to care for. They don't let me stay in bed. You have a great opportunity to complete your education. Get up and get help. I am doing a workshop that I found here. It's helped. You can start small. I wish there was something else I could say that would definately help you. I feel for you. You will be alright though. Courage, Mirna