any advice please help, my husband......

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
any advice please help, my husband......
2
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 6:12am
I came home to a note from my husband, he left me his most precious belongings and disappeared. He took $1000 out of the account in travellers checks. He finally phoned, in a city 4 hours away, talking jibberish and quite disoriented. The short version is he has been admitted to a hospital and is being transfered for psych. evaluation.

I don't know what is wrong with him. When he arrived at the hospital he told them he is thinking of killing himself. He admitted himself voluntarily. I am so confused. We aren't having maritial problems, or financial. He started a new job today when this happened. He has been diagnosed a year ago with Sad's but is taking Wellbutrin. Thie sounds so selfish, but I can't believe this is happening. Im a nervous wreck and don't know where to turn, the police and hospital have been helpful, but I don't know where to turn for support. What would put a normal, happy healthly guy over the edge. I have lived with him for 5 years and this is so out of character.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 11:53am
I'm sorry for what you are going through. What a shock to have your husband change so suddenly. Has the hospital given him a diagnosis? Men usually hold their pain and insecurities inside themselves. Your husband may have been feeling down for quite sometime and not let on about it. Couple that with the stress, pressure, and sense of not measuring up that can happen with a new job, and it may have sent him into utter despair. Is your husband a perfectionist who holds himself to high standards. That kind of personality is particularly susceptible to severe depression. Men measure themselves by their career and achievements. If they feel they cannot handle that area of their lives, then they lose their sense of identity.

If you want to know more about what your husband is going through, there's a book on male depression that I think could give you tremendous insight. It is one of the best books I've ever read. It's called, "I Don't Want to Talk About It: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real. It will probably help you understand what your husband has been going through that led up to this situation.

There are a number of people who post on this board who are mates of people with depression rather with people with depression. This is a very supportive place. I've never seen anything like it, actually. The people on this board are very compassionate and giving. I'm glad that you found us. You must be very scared and unsure right now.

Please let us know when you find out your husband's diagnosis. That will help explain the situation better.

All My Best,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 8:38am
My husband had a bad childhood but he is not a perfectionist by any means. He still hasn't seen a mental health doctor yet, hopefully today.

Thank you for telling me about the book. I will try to get out soon to get it.

He was laid off recently but he is a welder by trade and that's common. He says he just doesn't see anything positive in live any more.

Im going to see my family doctor today, my husbands doctor is not being very helpful right now. I asked to test for Depression in april and his doctor was not interested in doing it. I fought with the doctor for an hour but did eventually get a referral to a shrink.

The positive of this is that my husband realizes that he needs help and he isn't thinking rationally. He thinks that he can read peoples thoughts. Of course they are all negative thoughts about him. He agrees to stay at the hospital till he feels better and the doctors agree. Based on Tuesdays performance, he legally can't leave until Sunday at noon. But he has to be ok'ed by a dr. to leave. I am trying to get the Dr to talk to me but he isn't returning my calls.