JUST CHECKING IN-LIFELESS-TRIGGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
JUST CHECKING IN-LIFELESS-TRIGGS
3
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:33pm
I just figured I would check in. Feeling very lifeless. I just go back to bed every chance I get. I called my best friend of 25 years last night to say goodbye to her. She told me she wasn't going to let me go that easily. She lives in AZ and I am in IL. She told me she needs me but more importantly she said her son needs a Godmother. Her son Cole is 19 months old and I named him Cole and I am his Godmother.I said what kind of Godmother am I as I am 3000 miles away and I am nuts. Her and I have been through everything together since we were 8 years old. I also talked to one of the guys that works at the library named Marty.He said I can't do anything to myself because they depend on me to be here. I don't work here but I do come here just about everyday. All these people are giving me reasons not to but I just can't bear to look at my lifeless self one more day.I miss who I used to be in between my depressive times. I know that major depression is a disorder I will have all of my life and that I will need to be on meds all of my life but my heart just aches at the thought of how lifeless I am and how nothing is pulling me out of it this time. I did promise Kathy(best friend) that I would hang on until Friday and see Kara and see Weiss and see what happens. My time is up here at the library so I got to go but maybe I will go out to my parent's today instead of Saturday. Don't know yet have to think about it. Talk to you soon. Love and Hugs,Andrea
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 6:21pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Andrea))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0


Sweetie, Thank you so much for checking in with us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:33am
i don't know if anything i have said helps, but i will keep saying it and keep looking for your next posts to make sure you are still checking in. i am one more person to stick it out for. i have been in that extremely low place- in a hospital in a room where there were no electrical outlets and none of my stuff and 3 cameras on me so that i couldn't hurt myself even if i wanted to. i got through it and i climbed out of that hole and saw the light and the end of the tunnel (i won't continue with my cliches :)!) but i want you to know as hope;ess as it seemed, i am doing it. it is so important to me that i can scream from the rooftops to everyone else in their depression holes that there is a way out and you will find it if you are brave and stick it out. these people that are telling you that they need you would be lost without you. it would crush them not only to lose you but doubly to think that they weren't good enough to save you. do it for them, for me and all of the people that some day you will be able to help. you can do it. stay strong!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:40am
p.s. i just read trac's post and i agree completely! when i was at my worst, my mom would encourage me to do one thing every day that was an accomplishment. she said to start with making my bead and then do something "proactive" like cleaning my dresser, or taking the dog for a walk, painting a picture, or baking cookies. some days getting up and sitting on the front porch was all i could accomplish, but i would always make sure i had done something. i was a kid home alone and couldn't drive, so i was pretty limited. but something at the library sounds great. and exercise if you feel like you can- even a short walk or even better light weights- this will boost your endorphins and seratonin and make you feel better physically aws well as accomplishing something!