Having alot of problems......for awhile

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Having alot of problems......for awhile
6
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:16am
Hi everyone,

I posted here I believe back in July. I lurk here quite often because I find it helps to know there are others who feel as I do. I'm 35 and have had a quite difficult time in my 30's. Twenties were great! It all pretty much started when I left my job at 30. I've been pretty much out of work since, although I just recently started a job after 3 years. It's telemarketing and not much money at all and the women seem to not like me too much, so that's not helping my feelings of worthlessness, but I have to admit It feels nice to be doing SOMETHING again. I was going crazy not working and being sooooo bored. I just feel this job will never get me anywhere though. I used to make such good money for part-time employment and was soooo comfortable and being comfortable means so much to me in a job. You see I've always been shy and have a hard time communicating with people, that's why it's been so difficult for me to work and I also live in a small town with very few opportunties. I can't take retail or any job that would involve too much people contact because I get too uncomfortable.

I'm an only child and have never been abused or anything. I actually had the perfect childhood, I was given anything I wanted and given so much love. I just turned out very messed up though. I have no friends, it didn't matter so much when I had a job I enjoyed though. My boyfiend is my best friend though and we get along excellent, so that's very helpful. I also live with my cat who is my world and puts a smile on my face everyday. I would die if anything were to ever happen to him. I know I'm a little obsessed.

I'm also attractive (most people say) and average weight. I just don't know why I always feel so hopeless and pathetic. Like my life is going nowhere. I feel I just really messed it up. I also sleep alot, actually take cough medicine so I can sleep, otherwise I would go crazy if I couldn't sleep.

Oh well, I've probably rattled on too much. I just felt the need to talk tonight, instead of just reading. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear from you. It really does help to read everyone's posts and to know I'm not alone. I really was very together at one time in my life, just not now. Take care all, lisalee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:28am

Welcome back!


Jenn









iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 1:44am
Lisalee,

There's a post from the last day or two where another woman talked about how she didn't have a bad childhood, but has depression anyway. It's not that you ended up "messed up." Almost everyone goes through depression at some time in their life. Not having a job or not having a job you like for a while can definitely trigger that situation.

Perfectionists are also very prone to depression. You say that it's important to you to be comfortable. It's important to me, as well. Very important. In fact, my own personal comfort is my number one priority. I avoid uncomfortable situations and make my home life and surroundings as pleasant, soft and cozy as possible. My bed is a mound of down pillows and comforters. My dog and cat are sweet and loving. You should have read the whiny email I wrote about my cat last spring when he was still a kitten and his antics were disturbing the peace of our home. I had no patience for it! I was actively trying to find someone to adopt him. But he's mellowed with age and is now a pleasant, peaceful addition to our pleasant, peaceful home.

My point is that when you need comfort to make you happy, it's easy for difficulties to upset your balance. They sure upset mine! One kitten had me on my last nerve.

I've worked in places where my coworkers didn't like me. It was hell. I still think of it as the worst time of my life. My bosses hated me too. Telemarketing is probably the hardest work you can do in the world. I'm shy on the phone. I had to telemarket at a temp job one time. It traumatized me.

What did you do before? You personality sounds like you are more suited to accounting, data entry, or some other kind of computer work. It's too bad that there are so few opportunities in your area. Are you committed to staying in that area. Does your boyfriend want to live there forever? You might be happier in a place where you can have a better job, especially since career success sounds important to you.

That's great that you have such a wonderful boyfriend. That makes all the difference. I feel so grateful for my dh. I feel the same way about my dog as you feel about your cat. I am completely obsessed with my dog. He's the light of my life. I don't know how I'd ever handle him dying. He's my baby. I think he's much cuter than human babies are. I miss him so much if I'm away from him for more than a couple of hours.

I'm glad that you posted since you lurk so much. I remember your name from before. I'm glad that you finally got a job. I know the boredom and low self-esteem of being unemployed.

I hope you will keep posting.

Take Care,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 9:06am
Hi. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to. I'm in my 30's too and I take around 6 sleeping pills a night, just to fall asleep. I'm terrified of not sleeping-I hate not being able to fall asleep, I just start freaking out about everything. Plus, I'm tired enough during the day, I don't need to be 101% useless from not sleeping well. Instead of cough medicine, have you ever tried the herbal remedies "Valerian" or "Melatonin"? They might help? People say I'm pretty, they say I look 22 instead of late 30's. I think, a lot of good that's done me, look at where I'm at now. I used to smile a lot, everybody liked my smile. My husband told me only crazy people smile for no reason. That was a few years ago when I pretended everything was perfect. I don't smile too much now, new people have instantly asked me why I am bitter, so my husband doesn't have to worry about me smiling for no reason now. If you need anything, I'm here off & on during the day. I don't get on too much at night. My husband doesn't like it too much.

Take care of yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:10pm
Hi Maria,

Thank you for responding. I do remember you answering my last post too, it was very helpful. I actually just got finished with my telemarketing job, it wasn't so bad tonight because no one was home! Yeah! It's just that the other women are more competitive and the hourly rate and bonus plan are terrible. But it's getting me out of the house and also giving me some money for xmas, so I hope to last until then. I actually did telephone work before, and did it for 7 years, but it was not selling and there was computer work involved too, it was more a friendly call. That's why I lasted so long and the pay was excellent for part-time work. I would actually love to do something on the computer such as data entry, etc. I just can't seem to find something close by and my boyfriend and I are now down to one car, and he works days so that really limits me. I haven't given up though in 5 years to someday find something to do that I would enjoy more. It just gets tough sometimes and depressing.

So what kind of dog do you have? My cat is like my child since I never wanted kids. I feel the exact way you do, I never found babies cute and kids get on my nerves. I've always loved animals more. It's usually myself, my bofriend and cat home together on weekends and holidays, we spend all our time together. Probably too much.

As for moving that probably wouldn't work, since I'm close to my family and I'm too used too being comfortable, just like you. I'm very used to a schedule and do terrible with change. I'm also a perfectionist too. Boy, we sound alot alike! I noticed alot of similarities with my myself and others on this board. Well, anyway thank you for your response and I'll try to post more, instead of being sooo quiet. Take care, lisalee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:24pm
Thank you so much for your reply. It helps alot knowing I'm not alone, since I don't really get out much or talk to anyone my age. You know what it's like, when you go to the store, mall etc. everyone seems soooo together you feel very alone or strange that your the only one who doesn't have it together.

I also very much enjoy sleeping. I used over the counter sleeping pills, still do occasionally but they lost there effectiveness. I never took more than the 2 recommmended though. I know I need to stop taking the cough medicine, it's just very addictive and makes me sleep well. I haven't tried anything herbal yet and I have no money to go to a doctor for a perscription for anything. Well, take care of yourself and thanks for posting. lisalee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 7:34pm
Hi. Just wanted to say hi. And to tell you the herbal remedies aren't too expensive. And I know the cheaper ones aren't as good as the more expensive ones but they are better then nothing. Valerian is at drugstores, so it's a little more expensive, like $6-$7 a bottle, but it's a big bottle and I usually get lucky and find a buy one get one free. Melatonin is at Family Dollar or Dollar General for $2 a bottle. They have a lot of vitamins there. I don't know where you're at but you should have something like that around you. I know herbal remedies aren't prescriptions, but sometimes anything will help you get by. And don't take them too lightly, pills are pills, so check into them.

I know how it is to have no insurance, and no money. People here have been nice enough to give some suggestions. I will check them out and let you know if I find anything good.

Take care tonight and this weekend. Thinking about you.