How can i make my husband get help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
How can i make my husband get help
2
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 9:09pm
Hi everyone,

this is my first time to post so "Hello" to you all. I'm hoping someone out there can help me with this dilemma. My sister is married to a man who has all the classic signs of depression. He lost his mom in the past year to cancer and also got married to my sister. My sis was diagnosed with depression/anxiety and is on meds. My BIL has had suicidal thoughts in the past, especially during and after his moms sickness and death. He says he's depressed because my sis is depressed, and vice versa. He is tired all the time, never seems to have money although they both make good money, since being married they have had relations 3 times (since April). Etc., etc.

I have a history of depression and I am Bipolar, so I have some understanding of the situation. However, I'm not sure how to get someone help when they think they are AOK. I know that I was the same way before I was diagnosed, but my situation enabled me to get help easier. I didn't have to ask for it, I was shown a video by my OBGYN after giving birth at the urging of my daughters pediatrician. It gave me a lot of insight as to what I had been dealing with all my life. I thought that's just how I was and that if others did not like it they could just leave. This is my BIL's attitude.

How can I help my sister get help for her husband? I suggested that she talk to her own psychiatrist. In the hopes that she could better deal with him if he still refuses to talk to someone. He really needs to get help soon, because he has mentioned taking his own life recently.

If anyone can give me some insight i would really appreciate it. I can be reached on the board or at angieo_76082@yahoo.com.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 12-05-2003 - 12:11pm
I wish I had the magic answer to that question. My brother had problems with depression and because I suffer from depression and bipolarII, I know what it all looks like. I couldn't get him to seek help either. He looked at it as a weakness. He was ashamed and felt saying nothing was wrong with him would make it all better and ok. Well on November 3rd my brother, because of his illness got into a very bad car accident. My mom and his girlfriend tried to talk him into getting help and he got angry and took off in his truck, needless to say very angry and not driving safely. He swirved to not hit another car in a residential area and hit a fence. The metal pole that goes across the top of the fence went through the windsheild and went through the top of his head and he was flown to a shock trauma unit in Baltimore near were we live. He laid there in a coma for two weeks and then on November 17th the doctors told us he would never recover from this and "IF" he did would be in a vegetative state. We decided with much grief to take him off life support. This was a extremely hard situation that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I don't know how you get someone with mental illness to get help if they don't see they have a problem or see it but won't accept it. No more than you can get an alcoholic or drug addict to get help if they don't want to. I do, however, wish you and your sister all the best in your growth and treatment and hopefully the professional people you see can direct both of you how to handle getting him to at least be seen once. Keep us posted on how you are doing and I wish again I could be of more help. I usually search on the internet for things I need help with. Maybe you can look up "How to get someone with depression to get help"

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!

Tina

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 4:05am
Tina,

Thanks so much for responding to my question. You helped very much. I went to the bookstore this evening and browsed through the Psych section to see if I could find anything. Everything said to be patient, get help for yourself in order to better deal with it, etc. It's a shame that something horrible has to happen before we can help the person. I am so very sorry about the loss in your family! I can't imagine the pain that your family went through. My heart goes out to you.

If you ever need anyone to talk to about BiPolar, I also have a lot of insight in that area. I'm stable at the moment on meds, but I seem to be sliding down a little the last couple of days. I do so dread the depressive times, so I'm trying my best to stay positive and think good thoughts. Hope it works!

Take care,

Angie