feeling like a loser
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feeling like a loser
| Fri, 12-05-2003 - 12:05am |
i have been trying to get a job and not getting any responses. i am quitting modeling at least with my one agency because i don't think i am getting sent for any good jobs and my agent is not working for me- good move for me but makes me feel a bit ugly and like a failure. i have not even called my acting agency this week because my self confidence is so low and i just can't be what i should be to go in there- happy, motivated, self-confident. i told my boyfriend that while he was on vacation i would get a job and he is coming back saturday and i haven't. it's not him- although the fact that he has a wonderful job that he works really hard at and i am an out of work ex-model makes me feel like i must seem like a loser to him even if he doesn;t say it. it's more that i gave myself a deadline and now that i am there i am seeing myself feeling like i have no purpose and soon will run out of money. i don't set my alarm in the morning because i have no where to be. today i am still wearing the tank top i wore to bed and even though i cleaned and did laundry i feel like i am doing nothing with my life. i am feeling depression and my ocd creep back up, and breaking a mirror this week certainly isn't helping! i just needed someone to tell me that i am not a loser, and when i tried to ask my mom for some encouragement, i got the impression that she didn't think i was doing very well. i do still have my own apartment in the city that i am paying for. i just feel like there is nothing to show for my life right now. when people ask me what i did this week, what is there to say "well, sat around in my pjs and watched tv. i did leave the house to go grocery shopping." yeah, that sounds like a life.

Hmmm....well today was my day off and I sat around watching tv and napping, in my pajamas! And I *have* a job. So that does not make someone a loser. But if you feel bad about yourself, just keep looking for something..*hugs*
Jenn
(((((((Sweetie))))))) not being happy with your job does NOT make you a loser, or a failure!!!!!
Keep looking for a job that will make you happy. You deserve it.
Pamela
Tina