What's the worst part?

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
What's the worst part?
45
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 8:40am
All, I would like some insight into this thing called depression. It makes me feel less alone to ask questions like this, so bear with me.

I have been thinking about this illness we deal with. I have been in many studies and it is good in that I am contributing to the data about how to fix us and it is bad in that it often open wounds.

Things associated with depression:

Fatigue

Hopelessness

Sadness

Worthlessness

Lack of appetite

Becoming less social

Sighing, yawning

Unable to fulfil daily activities

Memory issues

Motivational problems

Apathetic-ness

Loss of sex drive

Lethargy

Crying

Feelings life is not worth living

Getting easily aggitated

Restlessness

Too much sleep

Too little sleep

Wow, no wonder diagnosis is hard. (My apologies for poor spelling too)(Maybe that is the depression...nope...just a poor speller...lol)

So here is my question. If you have read this far.

What is the worst part for you?

I am not fond of being a member of the "who needs a shower? " club.

I hate that I used to be an up person, who was positive all the time and now....

I hate that I used to always get the little things done..

I hate that I have to force myself to eat every darn morsel of food that I take in...

But this is me...I will post my worst part in a seperate post.

What is the worst part for you?

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 11:29pm
"The thing it takes from me is my ability to make good choices." That is a great statement. I agree, it makes us likely to make even simple decisions. I wish there was some way to monitor our choices before we did them. It would make life a bit easier.

Thanks so much for your answer....thanks for sharing your story too, it helps all of us to hear a different perspective.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 11:44pm
This is a hard question for me, so it's taken me a while to answer it...plus I know I tend to ramble, so I wanted to keep my answer shorter than normal!

There are so many parts of depression that have seemed worst to me at once time or another...but I think I can sum up a lot of them by saying that depression has taken a lot of "me" away. I have been depressed since even before I was an adult, and have remained depressed essentially all of my adult life...so it's often hard for me to tell if my personality and opinions are related to the depression or are truly "me."

The feelings of apathy and worthlessness fall under this same category for me, I think. The depression may have taken away much of my motivation to do anything, but since I have been depressed for so long, I tend to think I'm simply lazy and do not have the strength or willpower to get myself to care.

Second place in the "worst part of depression" contest goes to the constant struggle between my desire for self-harm and the knowledge that I don't want to cause my parents pain. This has always been very difficult and painful for me...sorry if this is triggering to anyone...but I suppose I will have to find a reason to live before my mother is gone, or I will soon be gone too...if I stay around even that long. Sorry...but this is one of the worst parts of depression for me.

Thanks for the thought-provoking question, Lisa,

Rose

Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:47am
Great answer! "Where do I start?" It seems this question may not be that good, many folks are answering that there are sooooo many "worst" parts to depression. It is true that we are all in agreement that all these worsts are so inter-related that one is hard to decide.

That is of course, if you are one of those people that still has decision making capabilities. If depression hasn't take that...lol

Thanks for your answer.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:23am
i have been depressed for 5 yrs. the worst part for me has been the abandonment i feel. i was always the person in my family who would be there for everyone , whatever anyone needed, i would extend myself to them. that was just the type of person i was . now that i have needed them so desperately , no one is around. it hurts so badly because i always thought that's what family is about, through thick and thin , in good times and in bad , no matter what. now i see they were only around when i could do for them . now that i can't even do for myself , no one is there for me . i chose the candle as an emoticon because since this is the first time i reach out to someone online , maybe it is a light of hope... miriam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:02am

((((((((((Miriam))))))))))), you have taken a huge step!

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/ladybug987/Signatures/springbutterflybarb.jpg>

CL-ladybug987

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:26pm
barb , thanks a million for responding. i need all the encouragement i can get . this disease has turned my whole world upside down . friends who don't understand have drifted away . no one really understands unless they 've been there , unless they've had depression . i was glad to see your message . i'm having a really bad day. i wish you well . miriam
Avatar for legs2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:08pm
So true, sleep is a huge issue in depression. Some people want to sleep all the time, but don't feel rested. I on the other hand have trouble staying a sleep through the night. Some nights I get sick of looking at my ceiling.lol

Thanks for your answer.

Hope you have a good nights sleep.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:15pm
The worst part is knowing that my kids are witnessing it. I grew up with a manic father and I hated every minute of it. My fear is that they would go through the same thing. At one point I didn't want to play with them. Just watching them was an energy draining activity. At least with meds that has stopped, but it is tough when your four year old asks if you why you are sad or if it is her that you are mad at.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:21pm
I am new to this message board today. I read all 39 messages of this "What's the worst part?" posting and totally related to every one of them.

Thanks for sharing.

Rose-Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:34pm

HHmmm, let me count the ways...


    CL for The