I feel so stupid and selfish! M

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
I feel so stupid and selfish! M
1
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 8:53pm
here is a little insight first. I have been with my spouse for 4 year, we have 2 children together and I had a daughter before I met him. The last year hasn't been much fun.I'm kinda stuck here though because I am not working, he's the only $ coming in. When we get along we get along, but I am starting to be able to count the happy days instead of counting the bad days.(which is the reason I think it's time to be over)However, I'm still stuck.I am in the middle of getting my $ flow back, so I will have a chance to get a break in a little while. THE PROBLEM that I'm having that is making me feel like I'm going crazy is that, this guy that I used to date...back in 1994-1996 has moved here a couple years back. I have never got him out of my head.(we'll call him Trevor)There has not been ONE day that I have not thought of him.Trevor and I still talk not all the time, and if we see each other we chat. When my current spouse and I were arguing, I went to Trevor and we chatted it out. Trevor is in a relationship, and an aquaintence told me today that he is supposedly having a kid with his new girlfriend (who I know not well but I know her). I started to cry, and I am sick to my stomach. I can't get this guy out of my head. I know that most people have that "ONE" person who they never get over, and obviously he is mine. But on the same note, I feel like Im going crazy b/c I'm crying that he might be having a baby, and being truly serious about this gf.The funny thing is that the aquaintence that told me is a bit of a freak.She is only happy when she is hurting someone. I talk to Trevor yesterday(before the aquaintence told me about the baby)and he didn't say anything about a baby.I also ran into Trevor's gf and was talking to her telling her I was opening a kids store, and she didn't say a word about a baby. I feel so horrible for being so selfish about this.I know I'm suppose to be happy for him, but I'm jealous, and feel hurt...WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER FOR 7 YEARS!!! How can I deal with this. I feel like I just thought if I left my current spouse(not because of Trevor, but b/c of our problems) that Trevor and I would get back together and "live happily ever after". IS THIS CRAZY thoughts or have other people experienced this? My one friend told me that she was like that about one guy she was with. Please let me know if you or someone you know have been in a similar situation. I just feel like I'm losing my mind, and feel so stupid b/c I'm crying and upset about him. THANKS SO MUCH
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 9:27am

HI sweetie,


I wanted to welcome you to the board first off. Im glad you found us!


I cant say

*hugs